Drunken Thoughts About Thargoids
06 Apr 2024T.Fulda
*A Bluegrass guitar riff plays in the background as the recording crackles to life. A man chuckles in the background as the music stops and ice crackles together in a drink before loud sipping noises can be heard in the background*"Ahem....
Commander T.Fulda log, Earth date, uh.... What fucking day is it? Oh, yeah... 4/6/3310:
Well folks, we're doing it... We're going ALL fucking in for Oya! WOOOO!" There's a pause as Tobias chuckles in the background. "ANYWAY, been doing a lil' drinking to unwind a bit after several bombing runs on the goddamn thing. Still ain't dead yet baby! WOOOO!" There's more laughter before it's interrupted by a hiccup.
Tobias clears his throat loudly before continuing. The sound of a lighter wheel being flicked can be heard in the background followed by cigarette paper burning as he presumably takes a drag. "So it seems like the goddamn bugs are starting to take our counter attacks a little more seriously since they launched one of their own as we closed in on Oya. They pushed pretty deep, kinda reinforcing the notion that they can strike anywhere they want, whenever they want."
There's another pause as the light sound of cigarette paper burning can be heard in the background followed by a loud exhale. "So at this point I'm kinda wondering... Are the Thargoids the dumbest motherfucking advanced species in the universe? Or are they playing some kind of 4D chess that we just can't comprehend? Because I don't see the strategy here... Attacking a bunch of planets that don't really mean much except to delay our advance. Are these fuckers panicking? Because it feels like they're panicking... I got my start piloting in the Federal Navy. The Navy sucked, the Federation sucks, but they at least taught me a thing or two about wartime strategy... Namely, if you cut the head off the snake, the body will die. If these damn bugs can warp anywhere at any time, then why the hell haven't they made a play against Aegis? Why haven't they launched a surprise attack against the Pilots' Federation in Shin Dez? Bombed the shit out of Ram Tah or Professor Palin's bases of operation? Why haven't they made any legitimately intelligent strategic move?"
There's another pause as Tobias takes a drink and another drag on his cigarette before letting out a loud belch. "Excuse me... Damn," He murmured to the side. "Now, far be it from me to give the enemy any ideas if they're listening, but just what the hell are they doing? I get that they don't think like us, but as far as I can see, they're not thinking at all. It seems like the moment overwhelming force gets stopped, they have few--if any--answers. Just continuing to try and invade systems regardless of strategic importance. Perhaps I'm just a big dumb human idiot, but if there's 4D chess being played here, I cannot even begin to see it... Maybe that's the point? Maybe us blowing up their command and control centers are all part of their big, massive, genius plan, but right now I'm just kinda sitting here wondering how these damn bugs made it as a space faring civilization for millions of years... Now, I'm never one to count an enemy out until they're a smoking pile of debris, but at this point, I'm having a harder and harder time taking the Thargoids seriously. Yeah, they can pick on a bunch of unarmed civilians or unskilled pilots, but the moment they meet an organized fleet of Deadly and Elite pilots? Pfff... Shit, they get folded like a table, man. I doubt we'll be able to bring down Oya in our objective timeframe, but that sumbitch is gonna be debris sooner rather than later. If these bugs can skitter their way to a microphone and start talking to us, it might be time for them to do so before we make them join the Guardians in Hell. Thing is, I don't wanna believe that advanced civilizations can't share the galaxy peacefully. I still wanna believe this shit can be hashed out... But if it's not? Well, that's on them at this point. Not so tough now, are you? Goddamn bug brained freaks..."
Tobias sighs away from the microphone. "Goddamn I'm drunk... Anyway, this is Commander T.Fulda, signing off... Hope this carrier's canteen is still serving food."