Convergence
24 Sep 2022Thorned Rose
Have you ever wondered how you got to this point in time or this place in time? What were all the factors that led to you being at this exact place, at the exact time and this exact situation?I am three weeks into this life and have not seen a single other commander. Till now.
I wasn't even sure if I wanted any interactions beyond the required bland small talk on stations. And I still feel like a complete fake - there's nothing like having no memory and being utterly dropped in 'It' (whatever 'It' is for you) to make you feel completely out of your depths. Hells, I can barely stay afloat let alone swim. So yeah, I wasn't too interested in running into any other commanders and revealing myself for the pretender I feel like I am.
After my first experience with the Lakon Asp Explorer failed miserably (I wanted to love that ship but apparently my ears and sanity can't handle the sound of its engines) and some in depth research, I decide to try the Faulcon DeLacy Krait Phantom. I head to Jensen Gateway in 64 Ceti to buy the ship and outfit it for exploration.
This marks my third ship purchase (if you include the failed AspX) so I at least know what to expect by this point. What I did not expect was to almost walk into another commander at Inter Astra. I guess I would prefer to keep my eyes down and mutter some inconsequential greeting. But I dunno if that's normal. What's normal? Do commanders all high five, chest bump and give hugs all round whenever they meet in person? Or does the vast expanse of black, empty space fill your soul driving the same distance between people?
I'm probably once again way over thinking this shit.
I'm staring at the wall ads and feeling all kinds of awkward. Pleasantries are exchanged. Social norms right? Is it rude to outright say I fucking hate small talk? It's all good, I don't need to compensate or be paranoid about being an unintentional arsehole - the commander is here to buy and outfit a Phantom too. Yay, common ground and something to talk about!
Despite my misgivings, we hit it off. Like really hit it off. Is it possible for people to become instant friends? Or is that weird. I mean, I AM weird so there's no avoiding that, ha! At any rate, we just 'shoot the breeze' (does station air filtration count?) and enjoy talking. I didn't need to out myself, for which I am grateful. I really like this commander but I don't know how sure I am of how safe is to reveal my background (or lack of one) yet. I still feel vulnerable and wary. At least for now it doesn't matter - we had plenty else to talk about and just enjoy each other's company. Maybe the great blackness doesn't always create a void. Maybe it sometimes makes us want connection even more. Maybe that connection keeps us sane. Before we knew it, several hours had passed. I like to think that's a good sign. Alas, we both needed to part ways but not before exchanging details in case we meet again.
I hope we meet again.
Convergence is a funny thing. Sometimes it's amazing how the choices and decisions you make can bring you to a certain point in time. Just one choice different and your life can take you in a completely different direction. I don't know what will come of this, if anything. It's hard to find your place in time when you don't know who you are. But I think I would like to work that out more with Commander Acanna.