Finalities
26 Feb 2024Kasumi Goto
"Some people like to say, 'All good things must come to an end'. But I think that saying doesn't have to mean that an end is necessarily just an end, in its absolute meaning. Rather, it can allow one good thing to be put on hold, to move on to another and be better later, both by itself, and with what you had previously when you return."
February 23, 3310
Aegis HQ Medical
The doctor in the office looked up when a knock could be heard on the door, unexpectedly.
"Come in."
What he saw when it opened was me coming in, walking so perfectly and at ease now that, if someone didn't know about it, they wouldn't have been able to guess that this was not a shape that my body naturally grew into during adolescence.
"Ah, Kasumi. Do you need something? I don't remember giving you an appointment for today."
I shook my head. "No. But I want to..." I looked off into a random direction, to think of the wording I wanted to use. "See how well I do now. After all my training."
"Hm... well, you certainly picked a good moment. I won't have any other patients for the next hour, nor do I have additional work at the moment, and it isn't quite time for my break yet." He stretched his right arm out to the examination room. "Go ahead. I'll be with you in a moment."
I did as prompted and took off my shirt once in the room, sitting on the side of the examination table, letting my legs dangle slightly, in a mildly absent, almost daydreaming manner. It was still so... refreshing, to have something to just feel so happy about with little, or no, perceived downsides. If anything, it had only gotten better, the more I'd gotten used to the shape of this body. The doctor ran me through the usual series of tests for the legs and mobility once he got to me, except for the treadmill. Which I still wasn't very fond of after it nearly made me hit the ground breast first - since it was now a lot more likely to impact the ground before my face did.
Not that I wanted to put it to the test if all that mass could prevent me from breaking my nose. I was informed of the doctor's findings in that same position on the examination table, hands placed beside the spread-out mass of my rear half, still happily dangling those, kind of undersized, calves.
"Well, I'm happy to announce that you're able to consistently stay at sixty-five percent of your original mobility now.", he told me. "Seventy is possible, but you might not notice much of a difference compared to your current level. and I need to remind you of diminishing returns." His eyes studied me intently, from top to bottom. "Are you really sure that you want to stay like this?"
I nodded. "Yes, I... I couldn't feel any happier than I do now, like... this. I know it's strange, but, it's just so perfect, for me. Like I should always have been this way."
"I'm glad to hear that. Not everyone can. And I might be no psychologist, but being happy about your own body will definitely help you stay mentally healthy, too. Now ..." He studied the datapad in his hands. "Looks like your body might be building some muscle mass down in your calves to help carry the additional weight, too. That's only going to help."
"Are they... going to look muscular? Or bigger?" I was a little cautious at this information, not wanting their size or appearance to be different to what it was now.
"No to both. For the most part, they should remain at their current size, and you have a healthy layer of fat covering the muscles, so it won't be apparent if there is anything less than a major increase in muscle mass, which is unlikely to occur here. For that, you would have to deliberately train more."
"I don't think I will. I... like it as it is."
"That's fine, too. If you stay at your current level of fitness, coupled with the enhancements the Thargoids made, you shouldn't suffer any negative consequences from the concentration of mass in those specific areas. But, tell me, do you have any problems with back pain?"
I shook my head. "Not... really. It feels a little bit sore down here, sometimes ..." My hands moved to the lower back, just above the backside, both to indicate the spot and massage it slightly. "But it is because the pillows I place there slip out, sometimes. Placing myself on them when I'm so big is... difficult, some of the time."
"Perhaps you should still consider investing in a mattress with a custom shape to help alleviate those issues. It would help you shift your position as you're trying to sleep, or just in the bed."
"I don't know. I like it when it is flat." Admitting to the fact that I liked how my extra mass lifted me off the bed would've been a little too weird. And, technically, what I said was true.
"Well, in that case, I can only tell you to keep my recommendation in mind, in case you ever change yours. And do perform some exercises to keep your lower back's musculature strong - it will have to be, to adequately bear the weight on your chest."
Even though it was a factual statement, it still made me blush, reminding me of just how over the top I'd let things go. Both of those breasts combined weighed over ten kilograms, which was more than thirteen in the 1.3Gs of the planet, because they were so big. And that was a lot of weight trying to drag me down to the ground, high up on the body, while the completely oversized lower half seemed to do little to shift the center of gravity to somewhere less top heavy.
"I know.", I replied, and just blushed even more.
"You don't need to feel embarrassed about it, Kasumi."
"No, it - it's not embarrassment. It just reminds me of, how... big, I am."
Demonstratively, and quite consciously, my hands found their way to the underside of my breasts and 'weighed' them, squeezing inward a little on what mass I could get my hands on, since there was too much to fit into them, before removing that support. That, of course, resulted in a bit of bounce as they returned to their natural position. I needed to stop thinking of it or I'd get dragged into another erotic episode - those feelings were already present in my chest, and... somewhere further below.
"Believe it or not, I understand.", the doctor remarked, then looked at the datapad once more. "While we're on the subject of evaluating your physical condition, how are you getting along with your running practice?"
"It is... still difficult.", I replied, shrugging a little. "I can maybe do a few meters at once in a short sprint. And... I'm not sure if it will get much better than that."
"That's still a lot better than... what you were able to do just under two months ago. Or weren't, I suppose. I'd like to see for myself nonetheless, to get a better idea of it in person. Go on, step on the treadmill."
I sighed. "Okay." And I threw a displeased look at that thing.
"I know you don't like it, but it's simply the best way of determining it without making you run through an entire course. And don't be afraid to tell me if it's getting too much for you. This is only supposed to be an examination, after all, not torture."
'Easy to say when you're not the one getting examined.', I thought to myself, and expected a remark from Kira inside of me too, since she had a tendency to be a little more snarky and sarcastic about some things. But she remained quiet, and I only 'heard' some buzzing from the Thargoid hive come from there. Busy keeping the implant in check, maybe.
I stood up and stepped on the treadmill, still not exactly keen on anything that involved it, but it was for my own sake, and partly curiosity, so I had no good reason to oppose the test. Simple walking, once it turned on - easy. Slightly faster pace - also not at all difficult to keep, any longer. My 'troubles' began to become apparent when I fell into a light jog, wherein the way my legs had to be moved outward to accommodate for the extra bulk on the thighs was really uncomfortable with that faster movement, and it was equally uncomfortable to keep them moving closer together because then the thighs rubbed against each other far too much, and their 'collision' made it quite difficult to keep a balance, since there was only so much the 'material' could compress, despite its softness - the excessive bouncing on my chest did not help with that at all, either. And once the treadmill got to the standard running speed, I had to shut it down after a few seconds to avoid any painful tripping incidents.
"You see.", I remarked to the doctor, with a pleading look of 'Don't make me repeat this' added while I regained my balance.
"Indeed.", he replied, noting something down on the pad. "Don't worry, you won't need to run any further. I've gotten a good enough impression. You can sit back down."
I was definitely happy to, even if it hadn't been very exhausting, at least physically. And I kept my hands placed on the thighs now, instead, once sat again, ready to listen to what the doctor had to say.
"So, Kasumi ...", he started, then paused briefly, to make sure he had my attention. "It's as I thought - while you've certainly done well to get as far as you did again with your physical prowess, you've more or less reached the limits of the possible, imposed by the disproportionate nature of your thighs relative to the rest of your body."
"I... thought that was the case. That they might just be too big for me to ever run properly. Again."
"It shouldn't be a significant hurdle, as long as you were not aiming for a career as a professional athlete, or to resume military service."
"I was not. And I'm... I'm perfectly happy to have that problem, when it means I get to have this."
Pointing at my body was needless... yet did anyway, because I still liked to do so, emphasizing my own, pure enjoyment of this form, this... shape, with the gesture. Rarely were there things I felt I could make such determined statements on, but this was, without even a single shadow of a doubt, one of them.
"Well, look on the bright side. You are able to retain your balance well enough to stop yourself without falling, once you no longer need to run. However, I'd still recommend for you to not get caught up in any fighting unless you cannot avoid it. And to always keep a vehicle nearby, unless you don't plan on going far from your ship, but since you should know how to drive and the Pilot's Federation provides easy access to SRVs for its pilots, that shouldn't be an issue for you."
"Maybe... not." It seemed better to not mention that I couldn't really remember to drive, and that the results I had in the simulation software were just a little embarrassing. "But I prefer to fight from... afar, anyway, if I have to. Maybe, even more so now."
At least my weapon practice in the VR environment had gone well, despite having such a big breast that tried its best to get in the way of handling those.
Maybe you shouldn't fight at all. I know we both like the body, but how are you going to dodge a grenade like this?, Kira threw at me inside my head.
I can just throw... maybe kick it away. Or jump. And do you really think I can go without fighting in this world?, I 'answered'.
No response.
'Figures.', I thought to myself. 'I doubt anyone half-trained will really get distracted enough by how I look, to not shoot back.'
"Do you need anything else?", the doctor then asked, pulling me out of those thoughts, and that internal conversation. "You seem distracted."
"There... is, one more thing. I want to know how much... stronger, I am, because of how I was changed."
He raised an eyebrow. "Why now? You've never asked anyone before."
"I want to know... first."
"Well... to be frank, we're not exactly sure. You've never asked for such a test to determine your physical strength, so at best, I can issue a guess of it being twice what you had before, at most, due to the limits of what your body can safely perform. But that might not be entirely accurate - your case is not exactly one that's well-documented, since you're the first, and the capabilities of Thargoid biotechnology are not something humans have fully determined yet either. Especially not when it is inside of a human."
"I see. But... I... kind of, remember, breaking someone's neck once. Accidentally. Maybe it was a scavenger that annoyed me. And making dents into metal if I was not careful, when slamming my hand into something."
"I hope you're not looking to demonstrate either of those here."
I shook my head. "But maybe it could help you say."
"Unfortunately, neither of those are exactly my areas of expertise. Especially not how much force it would take to dent metal visibly. That said... I can be fairly certain that anyone you kick with one of your legs, or hit between the legs with a knee, will probably regret it."
I shrugged. "I... can guess."
"So, what did make you ask about this?"
"Well, I... met a friend again. Who is much... bigger now. And it made me wonder how much stronger I was. Out of... curiosity."
"Oh, of course. I'm sorry I wasn't able to provide a clear answer for you. But I can arrange for some trials to give you a better estimate."
"That... won't be necessary. I don't need to know that much."
"If you're sure you can control your body and know its strength well enough ..."
"I... am. I think. The implant knows. Maybe."
"You don't sound sure."
"I know when to use it. Is that... a better answer?"
"I suppose it is. Other people will be glad if you don't accidentally break their bones with a handshake, or a fist bump."
Was he trying to amuse me? I couldn't tell. It wasn't important to me, anyway.
"You have been... very helpful. I wanted to say that."
"Thank you, Kasumi, but it's my job to help people here. And I wouldn't be a very good doctor if I wasn't helpful for my patients or constantly berated them if they didn't immediately succeed. As they say, failure is on the road to success, and as patients go, you've been very dedicated and willing to overcome the hurdles presented by your new, physical shape, despite needing to effectively re-learn how to work with it from scratch. I can say that you've been one of my best so far, and haven't disappointed. You definitely live up to the expectations your psychological profile sets."
"I... thank you." That was all I could really say. "You have read my... profile?"
"Of course. It was recommended to all of us working with you here, so that we could help you as best as is possible. I can also assure you, that everyone working here at the Aegis headquarters has your well-being in mind first, and anything else second." He paused for just a moment. "Now is also a perfect moment for me to mention that I worked with Seo when she first came to Professor Tesreau as well, and I can definitely see the similarities between the two of you."
"Oh. Yes. We are... quite similar."
"She was a good performer too, despite the state that she was in at first, after years of hiding from Azimuth. But, before you go, I have to ask... why are you pausing at random intervals? Is something wrong?"
"Oh. No. It's just... my brain. Sometimes, it feels like it hasn't woken up properly. Like... today. I have the thoughts in it, but they don't... come out as well. Maybe because it is not fixed enough yet."
"I see. I'd say it's working well enough for you to be a - mostly - functional adult, and that's what counts most."
"The... psychologists, they say the same. And I can talk perfectly, if my brain works, and the implant helps it. But it doesn't always feel like that. Or like I'm going to go back to normal, fully."
"I'm sure you will, but even if not, you have everything you need to live without significant assistance." He paused again. "You're planning to leave soon, aren't you?"
I nodded. "Yes. It's... obvious, I guess. It's not wrong, is it?"
"Not at all. The goal of the recovery program is to allow you to be as autonomous as possible again, not to keep you in shackles when it is over. And I'm confident you'll do fine. Just do remember to keep yourself fit. It is important, more so now than ever, for you."
"I'll... try my best."
"You don't need to try, I know you will. Though I would still prefer if you avoided any kind of serious fighting if you can. Especially at close range."
"I can just tackle them. I think I weigh enough to do that now. And... thank you, doc. Really." The glyph on my hand lit up in a corresponding green color, showing my gratitude that way as well.
"It's appreciated. Now, if you have any more preparations to make, I suggest you do that."
"I... was planning to. But thanks, anyway."
I stood up and got dressed again, then left the doctor's office.
----------
In the hangars...
I looked over the Krait Phantom - as I knew this particular ship model, now - with my hands placed on the hips as fists, adoring its pitch black paint scheme - at least, properly, for the first time, instead of glossing over it. Clearly... 'Kira' and I shared the same tastes, even though that shouldn't have been a surprise to me. We were, at a baseline, the same 'person' or 'mind', but I felt... less impacted by some of the things that 'she' knew and I inherited as memories.
Not that it was something I intended to dwell on now. I wanted to go into the ship and double check a few things. Mostly, to be really sure everything was... adequately sized to my new body. And my brain was beginning to work more properly, now, so I'd have an easier time of it. Or answering any questions EDI might have. The AI did often seem to be curious about me... and other human things. But less so my body, other than a persistent curiosity of why I liked something so 'impractical', 'top heavy' and 'movement restricting' so much. Neither of which were things I had a good answer to, beyond saying that it was just a thing of the human brain. With mine being particularly weird about it, and loving it for that reason.
Once inside, the first thing I did was... visit the vehicle bay. And the 'Scorpion' inside it very much had enough space for me to actually enter it now. The seat could actually rotate too, to let me pass to the back... with, still, some squeezing involved to fit through. Maybe it always spun and I just didn't get an opportunity to notice, thanks to being unable to force my big hips inside without a significant struggle. The second seat, for a possible gunner, was also removed, or maybe folded up somewhere, so I could access the back of the vehicle for any manual maintenance needs that the repair mechanism of the bay couldn't cover.
I visited the armory next, just to make sure there was nothing missing, and that the suits did actually fit as supposed to... there was no issue there, thankfully. And ammo stocks were more than sufficient for anything I was liable to get caught up in... hopefully, at least. I moved on to check the various locations in the ship with furniture items to ensure they were all according to specification - of my lower half's width - stopping for a little longer in the private cabin... because the 'new' piece of armor was there. Chest armor, specifically. I couldn't recall if I had or hadn't seen it here before or given it a look already, so I examined it.
Its design was exactly identical to my old one, just newer and without the various signs of use it had accumulated over a few years of usage, not to mention the perfectly fresh black paint applied to it. And that it was a lot 'rounder'. Naturally, as a result of that curvature, it fit perfectly over the front of my breast, without constricting it, and providing the same protection coverage that my previous chest piece did. Although this one was... in some way, a little more restrictive because of the existing size of breast that I was stuck with, and it on top of that took some movement space away, were I to hold a weapon. I hoped I'd be able to just retain that same pose I learned at the shooting range, to accommodate for that larger chest size. At least, it would make it so that those big bags of fun didn't swing or bounce around excessively, due to the metal holding them in place.
After that, tucking said armor away in the storage locker, and examining the bed plus new zero-G sleeping bag - both of which were generously spacious for me now - I headed over to the cockpit. EDI had remained quiet, so far, though I was certain the AI was watching me over the internal cameras. I sat down in the pilot's chair, taking note of the different-looking instrument panels, which fit perfectly over the new dimensions of my thighs once I flipped them 'down' into the usable position, unlike the previous fit. And the flight stick and throttle were still perfectly reachable, too, without needing to uncomfortably stretch or hold my arms. I nodded to myself in a satisfied manner, then EDI's hologram popped up.
"Is everything in the ship to your satisfaction?", she inquired.
"Yes. Everything looks... fine, I guess. As long as I don't have to go into any ..." I made a circular gesture with my right hand, trying to find the words. "Maintenance... ducts? Vents? Whatever they're called. I'd still prefer to... well, avoid that, if I can."
"It is an option for me to perform maintenance tasks in those areas of the ship using an android body, if required. Or you can take control of one yourself, though it appears you generally keep none on your ships."
I shrugged. "Maybe I just... didn't see any need for them. I don't know. Wouldn't it be a little weird?"
"I do not believe so. It may not be uncommon to have such personal assistants onboard, depending on the needs of the pilot. You would be able to justify their presence without too many questions raised, given your unique situation."
Only an AI could talk in that way without feeling awkward. I sure as hell did.
"I'll... uh, I'll think about it. I think I would prefer to do it... myself, though."
"In that case, having an android onboard may still be of use. It would not be particularly pleasant to require calling a rescue service due to being unable to exit such a tunnel."
"... definitely. Definitely not." I looked around the cockpit, for... some reason. Maybe to just look around, from this position in the seat. Then 'examined' the space between outer thigh and arm rest... maybe I'd need to attach a pistol holder to the right side of the seat, because it didn't look particularly comfy to have it directly on me while sat, here. Even if my body was not getting compressed slightly by the presence of gravity, because it was likely to be during flight, from the forces that exerted.
"Are you planning to depart the system soon?", EDI asked, pulling me out of that thought bubble.
"Y... yes." I wasn't quite sure why I hesitated. "There are things out there I'd like to look at. Maybe, before this whole war mess goes upside down. Or maybe I'd like to be somewhere else if it does."
"You would have acted in the opposite way previously. It seemed to be your preference to remain within the Bubble in case anything important occurred."
"Maybe, but... I'm not exactly the same now, I think. And Seo has given me some things to look at which I might need to leave it for."
'Plus a few other, personal things'. But after what she told me to look at.', I thought to myself.
"I see. Are there any preparations required that you'd like me to make before departing?"
I shook my head. "I... don't think so. At least, not at first. I'll look at what I'm going to need when it gets to that."
Mostly, I would need to gather a few things from the Guardian ruins and a few Thargoid-related objects. Apparently, I already had a sensor just laying around on my carrier, but none of the others - I certainly had my doubts the strange hybrid relic would actually be of use. Getting a probe, that wasn't difficult, the tissue samples, however... I didn't feel like messing with a Thargoid ship in that way. Luckily, I knew someone who was... more willing to. But in due time... I flipped the instrument panels aside and locked them in place, then stood up. I had no idea what I'd find at those Guardian ruins yet, and it was not my immediate priority, so I relegated those thoughts to 'later'.
"I think we'll only be leaving in... a day or two. Maybe on Sunday. I'll see about it."
"Of course, Kira. Have you re-learned how to fly?"
I shrugged. "I'd... guess, at least. I spent at least a week in there to learn how not to crash immediately after takeoff. And the implant has given me... some memories back for that. It should be enough to fly around and be safe if someone decides to attack." I threw a look in the direction of the vehicle hangar. "And not ruin the vehicle by smashing into things all the time. But if anything is wrong, this way, I have a day to figure things out."
"That appears to be a sensible approach. Also, I chose to refit one of your ships to be better suited to an evacuation role, should you desire it."
"... thanks, I... guess? Which one?"
"The ship model which this variant was based on, the Krait MKII. As you mentioned no longer being too interested in the Python, I took that as permission to reuse components from the one you previously used to this end, rather than requisition entirely new ones. It may also please you that I followed your own idea of using the ship you once fought against the Thargoids with, for this."
"I... guess it's a nice idea. I know I don't want to fight Thargoids, so it is... better, that way. And I don't want them abducting more people, but ..."
Do I really want to go anywhere near those Scythes again? Even the thought of that sent an intense shiver down my spine.
Not if you ask me.
I cursed myself for not keeping that thought private, so Kira ended up 'hearing' it as well. Then EDI spoke up, as if she'd read my mind.
"I understand you faced a traumatic experience due to the Scythes, so I won't ask that you use this ship, or to be more specific, this internal configuration for it, if you do not feel comfortable with the idea. However, I have run it through several remote test flights to damaged outposts, and no evacuees or wounded were lost in those attempts. Its speed is also sufficient to outpace any Scythe liable to attempt chasing it down."
"I'll... I'll think about this." I looked at the door leading out of the cockpit, or at least the one I'd used to enter. "I'm... going to go back outside, now. Everything here looks... ready enough, at least. I don't think I forgot anything, anyway."
"I'm afraid I cannot help if you forgot something you may need."
"I wasn't asking you to. But with the bigger suits, armor, the new weapon and ammo for it... that should all be fine."
"You are correct. Everything essential appears to be covered, since you are not currently planning for any extended stay outside of populated space."
I just nodded and... went back to my cabin. I'd forgotten to check the wardrobe in there - everything was in order in it, too, though. The same custom fit shirts and pants, bigger underwear, hoodies, and one extra 'copy' of my leather jacket. Except made bigger to fit properly, instead of stopping just above the hips and not being able to close the zipper once it got to the breasts. The original one lay alongside it, if just as a memorial piece, rather than something I'd ever wear again. And that... oddly tight suit which was very revealing around the hips and also quite snug - though not skin tight - around the breasts, was there too, very well hidden inside the wardrobe. Or, at least, the upscaled version to fit my new size. I still wasn't sure why I had, or would ever wear, it, let alone for who... but, it was there.
I closed things back up, and outside... Seo was waiting for me. Probably, aware of where I was through our bond. Or, maybe, just made a good guess of where I could be found. I definitely wasn't surprised - and even expected - to see her. She waved at me, and I waved back, while walking toward the hangar's exit where she was. And stopped once I got close.
"Hey, Kira.", she greeted me. "Can we talk?"
I shrugged. "Sure." I looked around, thinking, of where to go. "Let's just do it here."
I sat down on the metal floor - at least, the landing pad was made of metal - and attempted to fold my legs on top of one another, a task still made rather difficult by the sheer mass of my thighs. Seo took up that same position, if with a lot more ease. And... even if we'd been the same height - which was not quite the case - I'd still have sat a lot higher, simply due to my 'natural cushion'. Which, spread out under the weight of my upper half as it was, seemed to make for a bit of a distraction for Seo's eyes.
"So... you're getting ready to leave."
It was more of a statement from her than a question. I nodded as a 'yes'.
"I want to go out there, soon. Maybe, on Sunday, to give myself a day to... figure everything out again. So I'm a little more ready to do everything I want out there.", I told her.
"Have you told Alba about this?"
I remained silent for a few seconds. It was... a little awkward and embarrassing to admit that I hadn't, but I forced myself to be truthful. With, maybe, a bit of a blush. "... no."
"Well, maybe you should."
"But what if... she says no?"
"She won't. I'm sure of that. She knows you can handle yourself out there, and your ship is made to survive an attack. You made it that way on purpose."
"I... guess. I don't remember it, though."
"It just matters that it is. So, what are you going to do first when you go out there?" Seo pointed up, into the sky - even if that was just the metal roof of a subterranean hangar, here.
"I think... go to those places you told me about the locations of. Or wrote, rather. Then, I'll go somewhere more... personal. After that, I think I will visit the Guardian ruins. You said they could be important in some way, so I want to know what is there."
"It's... not so much the ruins as the data you can recover from them, but you really should just learn it for yourself. And make sure to visit the leading Guardian researcher. He'll give you what you need to actually access anything properly. Or, at least, the necessary decryption algorithm."
"And... who is that again?" I genuinely couldn't remember, despite something in my brain saying I'd searched for the information recently.
"Ram Tah. You've probably visited him in the past for ship upgrades, but it's not just what he does."
"So... why couldn't I just... use my own things?"
Seo shook her head. "Too complicated, and the system adapts over time, so you'd probably have to start over before your decryption program is ready. And you should save yourself the time - he knows those Guardian systems well enough to keep adapting to its security measures."
"How does it even still work that well? I looked some information up, and apparently those ruins have been abandoned for... over a million years."
"I didn't build the structures, Kira. So I can't really say. Maybe it's just limited self-maintenance routines, or they're just built to last really long."
"I guess. Maybe, it just doesn't matter. At least they still work now. Is there anything else I should look for, before doing that?"
"You should probably look at what else you need for this... research, I suppose it is. Since you need to provide certain items for the Guardian network to recognize. But people have recorded that information already, so you can find it easily."
"I already have, actually. I might find most things around the sites themselves. And I saw images of the different... glyphs, I guess, so I can see which of these machines asks for what. And know what to bring with me."
"You're one step ahead, then." Seo stood up. "Come on, we should really go see Alba. She still has something for you, before you leave again."
"But - "
"No wording your way around this one, Kira."
Seo's tone was... somewhat teasing. She grabbed one of my hands and pulled it, but between my weight and the higher gravity, the only thing that did was tug at my right arm and cause a certain, if slight, movement on my chest. Although slight had to still be quantified in relative terms to that size.
I sighed, pulled my right hand free to use it as support, and lifted myself off from the ground again, with some of my sounds betraying that it did take a good amount of effort... for the 'real' size that my body's frame had, I was actually really heavy, only the concentration of mass on the lower half made it a lot less obvious. Unless I stepped on a scale and someone watched... I wasn't sure if I'd told Seo yet. I certainly couldn't remember, and the part of me that was still in denial about it, definitely felt quite embarrassed about having to tell someone else - especially a friend - what I weighed now.
Dropping that thought train, I began to follow Seo - who could still easily outpace me if she wanted, because my more restricted mobility and adapted walk cycle meant taking slightly shorter steps in favor of increased stability, though she didn't - wondering what this 'thing' I was going to get would be.
----------
Aegis head office
Main administrative building
"Here we are.", Seo announced to Alba as the two of us arrived. With her entering the office before me, and I could kind of see that she partly did it to watch the 'spectacle' of me barely fitting through the doorway. Both in how she turned around to observe, and on her face.
"You can stop watching. I'll fit.", I threw at her, in jokingly annoyed manner.
"Maybe. But it's fun to watch you handle yourself.", she retorted.
Maybe she had a point. If it'd been me with a normal body and her with hips this big, moving in a very noticeable outward arc to be able to walk properly - and with matching breasts - on top of that, while coming through a door... I'd definitely have been inclined to watch as well. My upper half was a spectacle of its own, too, since most movements seemed to cause very noticeable shifting up there as well. Walking and turning my upper body especially.
"So you did manage to get her here after all.", Alba remarked to Seo, cutting off the little interaction before I could continue it.
"It wasn't easy, but I didn't have to drag her too much.", Seo replied, shrugging slightly. "Not that I really could. She might weigh a little more than me now."
That remark... caused me to blush just a little bit, and try to shrink to be less noticeable. A little, being a lot of blush in this case. Alba simply shook her head at the silly remark, barely seeming to avoid a facepalm.
Yep, that's the Seo I know., Kira remarked to me.
You could have warned me she'd be so horrible., I answered.
You have to experience her for yourself. That just makes her better.
Right...
"Sit down, please.", Alba invited the two of us, then directed her gaze at me, waiting to speak again until I'd pulled the chair without arm rests to in front of the desk, and sat on it. "I think we should talk about your... body, a little, in case you make any public appearances. And I assume you'll have to."
"It... would be difficult to go to a station without that.", I replied, placing my hands on top of each other... somewhere in the center of my thighs. "Unless I always stay in the ship, but... I might not."
"That's why I want you to take this."
She held out some kind of circular device for me, small enough to easily fit my palm, and inconspicuously go on a belt. After contemplating it for a few seconds, I looked back up, posing a question to Alba.
"What... is it?"
"A holographic disguise. At least, in a way - it is intended to look as lifelike as possible and resemble your original body almost identically, with exception to the skin color. In case you don't want to show yourself as you are now, which I might prefer. It would avoid unnecessary attention."
"But how would it hide... this?" I ran a line through the air along the exterior curvature of my lower half.
"By replicating what people would see if your body wasn't there. It will also be able to adapt itself to whichever clothing you might happen to be wearing, but just remember... it won't prevent or change any physical contact with the larger parts of your body. It only hides them from view."
"Oh. I... see. But do I... have to use it?"
"No. But as I said, I would prefer if you did."
"I'll... consider it."
'And it will be useful if I don't feel comfortable in showing myself like this.', I added in my thoughts, while doing my best to pocket the small device in my pants.
"Don't forget to keep it charged if you do use it. You can just do that on your ship with a magnetic charger. And another thing worth keeping in mind... its capabilities are not infinite, and the device will shut down to prevent an overload, if under too much stress."
I nodded, to show that I understood, but otherwise remained quiet, shuffling around on the chair a little to remain comfortable. I'd expected a lot worse than this to be thrown at me.
"So... you don't have any issues... with me leaving?"
"I would prefer to call it reservations.", Alba replied, putting emphasis on that last word. "It could be dangerous for you out there, between Azimuth and other people who'd be looking to harm you for what you are. But I understand that you're aware of this danger, and that your recovery needs to continue elsewhere. So if you want to go, I won't stop you, as long as we know where you are. So that if you need help, we can respond faster."
I titled my head to the right, thinking. And wanted to place my hands beside my hips, only to remember that they covered all of and went beyond the chair's seat space, so I put them back in their previous spot at the center of the thighs. "How would you keep track? With a... beacon?"
"In a way, yes. It uses your ship's tracking beacon to inform us of your location, but through a dedicated channel. so only we are aware of it."
"Oh. I see. That... makes sense."
"Do you have any other questions about leaving? Have you prepared everything already?"
I shook my head. "No questions. And I... think I have everything. Clothes, armor, weapons... I looked at them just before coming here. The ship looks ready, too. But I will check its systems before taking off, to be sure."
Alba nodded. "It is good to see you can handle these preparations yourself. I've told you what I had to, so you're free to go again - but if you want more advice or have any last-minute doubts, don't hesitate to come to me about them."
My hands had started to, absent-mindedly, run along the center line of my thighs, where they touched. That body was still too enjoyable, distracting, especially with the way it deformed and shifted under the pressure of being sat on. It was all so smooth, too, folds and wrinkles in the pants getting little chance to exist thanks to all of the mass contained within them And my skin was too... I caught myself in what I was doing, and answered Alba, whose statement I'd only caught at the back of my mind, while being a little embarrassed.
"I... will. If I have them."
I stood up and began to walk outside. Neither Seo nor Alba objected to me doing so, perhaps because they realized my mind was beginning to be elsewhere, and it was probably better to not have me around in that state, where I kept getting distracted by my big, soft and round body shape, instead of partaking in a conversation. And I wouldn't have had much more to say, anyway, given that I thought I was as ready and prepared as I would get, not without some residual uncertainty persisting. I just hadn't brought it up because I thought it was natural, like feeling excited and hesitant about moving out from the parental household. And... because I didn't want to bring it up. A personality feature, or flaw, that didn't seem to be new. I did find it good, if it only meant that my brain's wiring still worked as 'before'... before being the memories I inherited as an accidentally created personality fragment, that became its own individual. Partly, at least.
I returned to the apartment, since I felt like just relaxing in there for some time. Maybe I would just wait until Sunday to leave. It did seem nice here, other than it always being hot outside, and having days be so long.
----------
February 25, 3310
One day before the release of the anti-Titan torpedo
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, in this late morning haze - morning by local standards, as it was some time later in the afternoon by Earth time - yet again watching myself.
I felt prompted to do so by showering just before, yet again getting entirely carried away in the experience of feeling the water run over my voluptuous curves, and the sensations which that caused. If I ever would get over that enjoyment of my body in the deepest ways, it was not about to happen for quite some time. But right now, I was more focused on the skin itself, dressed only in underwear, as I still didn't feel sure about it, or something related to it. So I 'went inward' to know more.
Why is my skin so... white?, I inquired toward 'Kira'.
Haven't you asked about that before?, came as the response.
I... can't remember. And I want to know why it is like this.
Okay. Fine. See, it wouldn't have to be, but it should be. So that people can recognize you easily, in case... something goes wrong.
Would being big like this not have been enough?
No. Not really. Just having big breasts and hips might make you stand out as a person, but not that person. Although, part of the skin changing color would just have happened naturally during the conversion process.
I... wouldn't have turned green, would I?
No. Even if you had risked getting that color, I'd have told the implant not to make it that way.
So... you can control it?
Not exactly. I can influence it and direct certain processes in some ways, because of what happened when I fought back against it. 'Talk', through exchanging thought impulses, like you and me are.
And our positions could change?
Technically... yes. As you've already seen, I can temporarily move you in here while I control the brain. But it's better to only do it like that, not permanently.
Why? I was genuinely curious.
Well, I already gave you one of those reasons before, that I prefer for you to be in control and not do the same shit that I did. But I also know how this thing works a little better than you, and how to keep things quieter in your head so you can, you know, think. Whereas you... well, it would be easier to keep you suppressed. And while it says it only intends to keep the body alive, now, I'm not about to trust it with that. Not after what happened.
But I didn't 'feel' it when you went into the brain instead of me.
I made sure you were isolated. Just to be safe that I could find something to put back into the brain when I was done. Well, other than me or whatever is running the implant.
Oh. So, if you can do all that, could I still be in the brain and control it?
... maybe, but I'd still be in here. And it'd be pretty boring with nothing to do. Nor do I think it'd be a great idea if we 'combined' again to try reforming, well, me. It would just result in a really weird mixture.
I guess I can agree with that. Are you still fixing the brain?
Trying. The damage is pretty extensive, and sometimes those neurons need to be stimulated by something familiar first. So you just need to find more things, memories or whatever, that can do that. Or people.
So... it is a good thing that I'm leaving the planet?
Yes. As long as you're careful. Now go see Alba and Seo, if you want to talk about anything more to them. And make sure you don't forget anything you don't want to leave here.
Her presence pulled back, leaving me alone again in my brain, with the low 'noise' of the hive. Or hives - I wasn't sure whether the Thargoids were all just the same or not. Not that it really mattered at the moment - though I still had my concerns about what throwing those nanite torpedoes at the Titans would do. Both in their physical effects and how it could - maybe even would - worsen their perception of us even further.
I made sure my hair was dried off properly, then got dressed, picked up that strange disc-shaped holographic disguise, and... looked around one more time. I wasn't yet sure when I'd be coming back here. And a part of me felt uneasy... knowing what the circumstances of my last departure were. But I shook it off, knowing, or just hoping, this time was different. And would remain different. I had no particularly important personal items tucked away in here, while there were sufficient clothes on the ship. Though...
I went back to the bedroom for just a moment and boxed up the VR headset-thing. That, I definitely wanted to have with me, for various entertainment purposes. I left, sealed the apartment behind me for good measure, and walked off toward Alba's office. But no one was there, which puzzled me slightly. But rather than wait there, I decided to drop off my 'cargo' in the ship, and then go looking for Seo. Maybe she'd know.
The plan turned out to be unnecessary, as both were waiting for me just outside the hangar of my ship, after I passed a security checkpoint to get there. And it didn't take me much time to connect the dots to Seo, since she was often keen to poke around in my head, for one reason or another. Maybe a part of it was being cautious and wanting to be sure there was nothing funny and of Thargoid origin circulating in it. I placed the box on the ground when I got close.
"Were you... waiting for me?", I decided to ask them, once I'd straightened myself.
"Yes.", Alba replied.
"And you told her I was going to leave now.", I directed at Seo.
She shrugged. "Maybe."
"But I was coming to look for you, anyway..." I sighed. "Whatever. Do you just want to talk... here?" I pointed at the floor with my right hand.
"Wherever you're comfortable.", Alba replied.
"Maybe... inside the hangar, then. It is good enough."
I picked the box back up and carried it inside with me. Then placed it on the ground a second time, once inside the hangar bay, and looked back at my company.
"So... what is it about?", I asked them, leaning to one side slightly, hand on the hip.
"I thought meeting here was better than in Alba's office.", Seo told me.
"I... guess." I shrugged to accompany that reply, not thinking it would have made much of a difference where we met up. "It also doesn't tell me why you came."
"Something rather important occurred to me.", Alba said, then, prompting me to look that way. "Were you planning to go near any of the Titans?"
I thought about that for a moment. "Maybe. Or maybe not. Why?"
"If you do, please stay as far away from the Titan itself as you can. Especially the weak points that the nanite torpedoes aim to target - being too close to one could kill you instantly, by disrupting the Thargoid bio-technology in your body."
Something of a concerned frown appeared on my face. "Oh. I... I didn't think about that."
"It won't be an issue if you keep your distance to the Titan, and its heat venting mechanism especially. I would advise you against using this weapon under any circumstances, too - but as you're unlikely to take offensive measures against the Titan yourself, I assume you won't need it."
"I... definitely was not planning to, no. I showed you that... message, I wrote. So you should know why, and that I wouldn't attack them."
"I haven't forgotten, Kasumi. I'm just looking to be sure."
"Fine. I understand. But I won't go close to one. I would only... observe, from a distance."
"That's... good. I hope I can trust you when you say that."
"I didn't lie about it. I might go to one, but not immediately near it. So I'm - I'd be away from the weapons. Maybe, I could remote control a ship to rescue the pods inside it, without risking myself, but that's all I would do."
"I believe you to be responsible about it, whatever you choose to do."
"I know. I don't want to disappoint that. So I won't take any risk with the Thargoids if I don't have to. And I have things to look into... out there, that I'd like to be alive for."
Alba nodded, then looked me over. "You remembered to bring the holographic disguise, did you?"
I nodded in turn, and moved my hand down to the pocket. Which triggered it and replaced the 'big me' with a 'normally-sized me', and it really did replicate the clothes that I wore. I turned it off again without moving my hand, finding it a little odd to not look at the actual physical shape of my body - especially when it cleared the view to my feet - and for the hand to be elsewhere than the feeling indicated.
"I think.... that says it works. But I'm going to need to get used to that ..."
'Assuming I want to hide myself. But maybe that isn't such a bad idea.', I added in my thoughts. Showing off once, in the city on this planet, was good enough already to feel good for myself. Now I only really just cared about how it made me feel, which was pretty damn good. Suddenly, a doubt which had been lingering at the back of my mind, motivated by one of 'my' old logs, came forward.
"If... things go wrong... out there, can I come back here?", I asked Alba.
"Of course you can.", she replied. "As long as these headquarters stand and I am in charge, you're always free to return, if you feel a need to."
"That is... nice. I read some of my old logs, which say I used to be... afraid, of what people might do if we 'win' the war, against the Titans. Because of what led to it. And... I feel like that, too, so... maybe I would like to return if that happens, and I have done what I wanted out there."
"I understand. You've said similar things before, and I can't fault you for feeling that way, given how some people act regarding the Thargoids." Alba's tone indicated she didn't feel particularly positive about that, either.
"Thanks. And, maybe... this feels a little like home, right now. So I might come back even without a reason."
"As I said, you'll always be welcome here, if it is because you feel a need for the safety Aegis can provide, or just to have somewhere to stay. It's the least I can offer, after all you've been through."
"You've... done enough already. And I should be the one that's grateful, I think. For what the people here did for me."
"They were all eager to support you. I imagine they feel just as you do about it."
"I... guess. Part of me still feels like leaving isn't quite... right."
"Don't worry, Kasumi. Everyone knew from the moment you arrived that it would eventually lead to this moment, and I think they would be proud to see you here, at this point, again. Such a recovery is never easy, even less so in your case, and you've done it well. Consider the moment you take off as a success, not leaving something behind."
"I... see. I'll remember that."
"Can I talk to her, alone? Before she leaves.", Seo threw in, then.
"Of course, Seo. And if you want to talk to me about anything else, I'll be in my office.", Alba replied to her, and left the hangar.
I kept my eyes on Seo, wondering what she wanted to talk about. And, feeling tempted to sit down, I decided to do that, curling up into a nice, comfy ball, arms wrapped around the knees.
"So... you said that the 'old' you still exists in your mind, right?", she asked me.
I nodded. "But you already know that."
"I do, but I want to know if I can talk to... her. You. The other you... whatever. I think you know what I mean."
I did understand, and raised my right hand temporarily, telling Seo to wait.
What do you think about this?, I 'asked' Kira.
I mean, why not? A temporary transition comes without problems. Just stay away from the implant. It's connected to you as well, but there's... how should I put it, a wall, between you and it, which doesn't let anything harmful pass., 'she' answered.
I'll try not to mess with anything. Go ahead.
There was a brief period of darkness before I found myself... somewhere else. It looked like the brain's framework, or... however it could be described, with the implant's different structures woven throughout it, all congregating into a single spot, which was 'walled' off, as I'd been told. I began to explore this space for myself, in an avatar reflecting my big shape, while listening in to what was going on "outside".
The period of absence ended for Seo when that slightly empty gaze went away, and my body began to move again, standing up, going into a pose with legs straight, and right hand on the hips.
"Hi, Seo." 'My' gaze wandered down. "Damn, I don't know how I got used to this so quickly. I can't even see my damn feet with this ridiculous breast."
"So... is it Kasumi, or is it Kira, now?"
"Kira. For now. I can't stay in the brain for too long, to make sure the implant doesn't get unruly. I'm not sure how well the defenses I've put up around it work in my... 'absence'."
"I still find it difficult to believe... that it's you, but not really you."
A shrugging gesture, with both hands raised, showed that this original version of me didn't have a very good answer. "It kind of just... happened, and I don't really get it either. Maybe it happened because the implant was damaged when it tried to put me back into the brain, once both started working again."
"And you... do what, exactly, now?"
"Let... 'Kasumi' figure things out for herself, and help her do that by keeping the Thargoids and their nonsense away as far as I can. With my memories, or the ones I can let her have so far. The implant managed to preserve almost everything from before... you know, it happened. Everything that was preserved in the sections of the brain that got damaged, actually. But even with those memories, we won't be completely identical. I think."
"Why doesn't she have all of them back yet?"
"Because of the damage to the brain. It's... really hard to actually fix it all, and she has to find familiar things, places she's visited, to get them back. Or the ones that are important, at least. Something about that and the neurons triggering lets the implant form the connection necessary to fix things up."
"Right. So, at some point, she'll have all your memories, or the ones you still had after Azimuth fried your brain. What will happen to you, then?"
"I'll still be there. In here." A finger pointing to the back of the head said 'in the implant'. "Someone needs to keep it in check for her, and well, I'm most familiar. Some of that damage it took when I fought back let me get a few glimpses of how it does its thing, and I can control a little of it. Or nudge it in the right direction, instead of filling my head with that horrible Thargoid noise. Or her head, I guess, unless she wants to listen to it to find something in there. Maybe I'll give her some control in the future, but not over anything that can affect brain impulses. Or whatever the right word is."
"I was more afraid you might... 'disappear'. Into her?"
'I' shook my head. "No. We both agreed it's better that we stay separate, even if we, kind of, are the same person and share a body. She stays in the brain, and I remain in the implant, which she doesn't really know how to keep in check. And hey, look at it this way, you get double the fun, right?" A teasing wink went at Seo, if just to toy with her a little. Which she scoffed at.
"You're just as bad as I remember."
"And you are too, Seo."
"Since you brought up fun - I want to know, did you really agree to let your body go that far?" She pointed at the enhanced form of our body.
"Uh ..." The right hand scratched the head, tilted in that direction as well. "Well, uh, kind of. You know that weird VR thing I, or she, told you about, well, Kasumi made that experience too and the implant responded to it. Maybe with some 'help' of my own. Only she enjoyed it so much that it kind of overpowered my directions and let things go a little too far, until she also thought it was enough to stop it, at how big it is now. The brain damage didn't help matters with that self-control. But we both like it now."
"Right ..." Seo didn't really seem to buy it. "Something tells me you wanted it like that too."
That remark caused a strong blush to appear. "I - I guess maybe, but look, it's really nice, alright? And it makes me, both of us, happy. It was worth it for that alone, was it not?"
"I guess so. What about the skin, though? White as snow isn't exactly in the usual human range, and I don't think you had secret dreams of being a vampire."
"Yeah, she... asked me about it too. Part of it was the conversion process of the human into hybrid cells, but I also decided to... well, make the body stand out a bit. For the purpose of making it recognizable in public more easily, even with a hood, in case something goes wrong. And I feel like ..."
My gaze went upward slightly. 'Kasumi' was poking around or messing with something.
Hey! Stop that. You're going to knock something over with your clumsy body.
I was just looking around! Seeing things like this is... interesting.
Just be careful with what you touch. Some of the connections are still fragile.
"Sorry about that. She's screwing around in there and I had to make sure everything's fine. Anyway, as I was going to say... she'll probably still wear that hood in public. Something about it is oddly comforting."
"I guess it is, if you don't usually like to show up in public. And, truthfully, part of the reason we gave her... you, that holographic disguise, was to make it easier for you to go there, if that body is too much for your social confidence."
"Yeah, maybe that wasn't a terrible idea. She loved showing it off once, but I get the impression that was just an exception."
"I thought so, too. Doesn't really seem like your thing." Seo paused briefly. "If you go back in there ..." She pointed at my head. "Can I still talk to you, directly?"
"Maybe. I'm not sure - I'd have to isolate myself from the brain to some degree, and that tends to make it rely on its own damaged connections more. So it looks like the body becomes unresponsive all of a sudden, even though nothing's actually wrong. It is going to get better the more I repair it, but the connection between it and the implant will always have to be there. It regulates... well, everything, pretty much. You can imagine what'd happen if the immune system started attacking the pieces of me that are Thargoid. Or the biomechanical bonds."
"Something I'd rather not think about. But it doesn't quite answer my question."
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. Got sidetracked. The problem with talking to me directly through our shared link is that the brain, where 'Kasumi' normally is, doesn't like that much, and I don't want to put her through that unless I really need to. It isn't the most pleasant thing in the world for her, and if you talk to her, you talk to me. Or you can always just ask to speak to me. I can switch places with this other half for a short time."
"For how long?"
"I'm not sure. A few minutes, at the very least, looking at our conversation. Might become better, the more she recovers, but as it is the brain under her control can't even make use of the full capabilities of the implant."
"I've noticed that. You have a lot less issues speaking normally. She is... a little slow, sometimes."
"I'm working on that. Her thought processes work perfectly already, which is in some way more important. And you can imagine that vital functions took the most priority."
"I figured. It'd still be nice for her to have that back."
"In a few weeks, maybe. Ideally, I'll get everything back to normal, but I might have to settle on... almost indistinguishable from a regular adult." I sighed, placing both hands on my hips. "What a mess I've gotten myself into. And I thought just being a hybrid was weird enough."
"You know yourself that you're a magnet for this kind of thing."
I shook my head. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Considering this body... anyway, I think I might have to go back into here before Kasumi gets bored. You know that me and bored don't mix very well."
"I definitely have not forgotten. But before you go, I like the new accent. It's not too much, but fits your look well."
"That was the idea I was going for with it. But I shouldn't delay much longer."
"I know. It was nice, talking to... you, again."
"Likewise, Seo. I'll make sure she doesn't cause too much of a mess while we're out there."
"Do you mind if I hug you?"
"Yeah ..." I looked down. "Maybe I wouldn't have, before, but like this? Sorry, not used to this enough to be ok with it. Anyway, I've got to let her back into the brain."
The body's gaze turned absent again. Inside of that strange mental space, a second me appeared, but with a thin body, rather than oversized hips and breasts, and 'normal' skin.
"Oh. Hey.", I greeted the 'other me'. "I tried to not make a mess."
"I'll be the judge of that." Kira looked around. Which, apparently, was enough to convince her. "Well, I was expecting a lot of things to be scattered around, just to annoy me."
"Maybe... I'll do that next time."
She facepalmed, sighing. "Please don't. I shouldn't have given you that idea ..."
"Am I going back into the brain now?"
"Yes. Unless you'd like to hang around in here more, while Seo looks at an empty gaze."
"... maybe not. But this place looks... interesting."
"It isn't actually real. It's more of a... representation for me to work with, so I know what to do and what's what. I figured it'd be better than just leaving you in total darkness, or how the brain actually 'looks'."
"Oh. You should... tell me more about it, some time."
"Maybe later. But you should go back now."
The 'brain-space' turned dark around me, and moments later, I was looking at the ship hangar on Duamta 4 again, shaking off light confusion... partly because 'my' last memory was being sat down, not standing.
"That is... something.", I remarked to myself. And looked at Seo.
"So, is it Kasumi again now?"
"Yes. Kasumi. But I was able to listen in. You had... a lot to talk about."
"I guess we did. Since you don't know as much about what's happening in your head as... 'Kira'."
I shrugged. "I trust... her. Whatever happens in there. She says it's for my own good."
"It sounds that way. And I'm glad neither of you are affected by the Thargoids, even if it is... weird, to have two separate personalities in the same body. Especially when you are so similar."
"We... make it work. Like she told you. And I don't mind it. I like her being around, even if she is... a little more sarcastic and snappy, sometimes."
"Sometimes might be an understatement." Seo abruptly changed the topic. "So where are you going to start first when you take off?"
"I think... I'll stay in the system another day, until tomorrow. Fly around a little, look at this funny carrier-thing I have in orbit. Then visit... one of the two systems you sent me. I forgot their names, but I'll just... look at your message. And I might then go to where the Proteus Wave fired."
The last sentence made Seo frown. "I'm not sure you should go there. Yes, it's where we thought Salvation died, and where you were abducted, but it's dangerous. The Thargoids will shoot you on sight, there."
"I know, but... I can handle it. I know I still don't always speak as well as I should, but this ..." I pointed at the side of my head. "... works perfectly. I mean, thinking. I won't wait around for very long if any Thargoids show up, but... I want to go there. To find some memories again, good or bad."
"Alright, fine. I obviously won't be able to discourage you, since you're as stubborn as Kira. But, please, be careful in there, okay?"
"I will be. And I should know when they are about to arrive, because of the connection. I can... often feel them, or what the Thargoids near me are about to do."
"I guess that's one positive of the way you're connected to them. All I get is their voices and glimpses of a purpose amidst that chaos."
"Maybe. But at least you can be useful that way. I'm not sure how useful my own link would be to trying to find out about a bigger goal or strategy, or something. I guess, maybe it could be used to coordinate local defense efforts, if I wanted to use it that way."
"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Maybe you should consider it."
"I don't know... maybe." I turned to look at my ship. I was... kind of eager to leave, after all, despite the hesitations I had about it.
"Do you want to go now?", Seo asked, upon seeing me look that way.
"... maybe. I'm not sure ..."
She put a hand to my left shoulder. "Hey, if you want to go, go. It sounds like you'd get more out of it than by staying here."
"Are you sure? It doesn't feel right when you can't leave."
"Don't worry about that. I understand it's better for my own safety, and I don't want you to be held back by it. Just don't forget about me, and come back sometimes, yeah?"
I took Seo's hand back. "I... will. If I find time. Or if it gets too dangerous for me."
"Then that's good enough."
She gently pulled her hand away and walked out of the hangar, as if to give me a sign that now was a good time to leave. And the emotions that I felt said the same - so I went. Walked to the ship's entrance elevator, by the front landing gear, taking it up into the airlock. I stopped in the armory for a suit to wear, and settled on the deep-black 'Artemis' model since I liked its visual appearance the most, and it was... not too likely I'd be getting into any fights involving guns any time soon.
So I could go with its smoother surface and lesser protection without an issue - certainly, I had a slightly modified Dominator to resemble this appearance, but it still wasn't quite the same, as it needed to retain its protection factor, beneath any separate armor worn by the user. I hadn't bothered to get the default flight suit adjusted - it was simply too tight and I'd probably end up dumping it at some point in time. These other suits, however, followed body curves just enough to be somewhat snug, without going into the 'revealing' territory - just as I liked it.
Once in the cockpit, I gave myself time to properly settle into the seat, before I flipped down the instrument panels, and checked some of the panels, powered by the auxiliary power unit, rather than the main reactor itself. The right listed all of the modules present within the ship, any damage they had sustained, and whether they were powered - or planned to be powered - and allowed me to check if power delivery was occurring properly. Other tabs on that panel were various ship functions which I could toggle on or off there, or via a dedicated button, internal storage, my own pilot's status, various menus for access to news, carrier management, and many others... just as I'd seen in the simulations.
The left-hand panel, expectedly, was navigation, contacts and "transactions", under which I vaguely remembered missions, bounty and bond payouts. Maybe a few other things too. Unsurprisingly... it was empty, at the moment. Not used for... more than two months, at least.
The message panel was a bit of a mess of automated carrier fee payment reports, and something else that I had no clue what to do with. Some sort of payment that appeared to occur every week but was just a thousand credits - effectively, it meant nothing. I'd have to figure out what that second one was later. For now, I flicked a few switches to start up power and core systems. I heard a hum spread through the ship from the reactor starting up come through the ship, then quickly quiet down - reminding me I'd forgotten to check fuel reserves, but they were full, thanks to the work of maintenance crews. And everything that had or needed to be was in perfect shape, too.
I powered on the shields, weapons, utility mounts, vehicle bay, the 'Frame Shift Drive' booster - which had a strange, unique symbol next to it, as if it was a different piece of tech to everything else - cargo hatch and a small-ish fuel scoop too, not that I needed the last of those too much. I vaguely remembered reading about fitting it to reduce the need to dock or for traversing areas without stations just outside the Bubble, where the total jump range was insufficient to cover it without refuelling... but in the Bubble, that seemed a little pointless. Since there was nothing else I saw a need, or use in, to put into that slot, however, I decided to leave it be.
My first instinct was to hit the launch prompt, where the sensor panel displayed where I was docked rather than any contacts, in order to send a signal to launch, but I didn't want to go immediately, after reaching the surface. So, instead, I hit 'Return to surface', and felt the landing pad move with the ship, raising it up. Luckily, it was not facing directly toward the sun, so I didn't get blinded horribly while my eyes adjusted.
"You may automate the pre-flight checks and sequence if you wish.", EDI informed me, popping up on the holographic projector mounted on the... what was it called again? A dashboard?
"I guess that would be... convenient.", I replied. "I would rather leave you to do it. I could forget something."
"Of course, Kira. I will alert you if there are any issues or I suspect the sensors to be reporting something incorrectly."
"Good idea, I guess."
I looked around, watching grass move in the breeze, from this elevated position. It was... something quite different, being sat up here, in the pilot's seat of a starship. It had to be getting hot outside, already, with the planet's early afternoon hours approaching. But the interior of the ship was regulated quite well, and perfectly comfortable, at... whatever humans considered room temperature.
I simply enjoyed the sunlight hitting my face for a few moments, leaning back in the seat with my eyes closed, and a smile on my face. Letting myself enjoy that sensation, feel how gravity affected the mass on my body, the chest, notably. It wouldn't be long before I'd no longer be feeling it, or at least the natural kind generated by a planet, and... maybe I'd miss it, a little, even if not risking to lose my balance due to the lopsided weight distribution would be quite nice. Handling all this would certainly be easier in zero G or low gravity, in some ways.
Once I felt satisfied in enjoying the environment, listening to the low hum of the reactor echoing through the hull in the background, I switched the thrusters to full power and hit a prompt to run a final diagnostic on them, which returned everything as green, while the engines began rumbling back to life after being left inactive for... a while. Maybe not all of the duration in which I hadn't used it, given that it was down here, but a few weeks at least.
It would take a few more moments for the thrusters to fully power up. During that time... I decided to look around one final time. And I noticed two figures standing some distance away, in an area safe from ship thrusters firing at full power. They were clearly looking at my ship, in the direction of the cockpit, and one's silhouette kind of reminded me of Seo. Maybe they could even see me from there.
Once I was certain thrusters were fully powered and active, I hit the 'Launch' prompt, which I presumed was more to give any ground personnel the time to clear the pad before takeoff. A light in the cockpit immediately went green, though, informing me that I was clear to launch without further delay. So I pulled the landing gear back in - now, I was hovering, though at this short distance above ground, even without a shield, not much would have happened.
It was all for the better that I did have one equipped, because my attempt at ascending with vertical thrusters and then pitching the nose upward rather resulted in no upward movement, and a roll movement.
'Oops.', I let out in my head, feeling somewhat embarrassed at misremembering the controls. I let the ship level itself back out and double-checked all the control inputs in a virtual mode, such that they weren't replicated on the real ship currently hovering above a landing pad. Then I turned that safe mode off and moved upward a few meters, definitely noticing how gravity made that movement a little slower, from a standstill, as if there was a distinct 'resistance' from the ship to this motion.
Hovering some ten, maybe fifteen meters above ground, I looked back at the two figures observing - maybe Alba had decided to be there to watch me take off, too - and waved, hoping it would be visible. One of the two waved back at me, which I was, somehow, able to see oddly well, as if the image was being artificially enhanced in some way. Maybe it was, given that my eyes no longer were entirely biological, and probably had that ability now. Maybe even a few additional ones I wasn't yet aware of.
I double checked flight assistance was active, then pushed the main throttle forward - easy to remember that it controlled the main forward/backward thrust - and felt, as well as heard, the large engine cluster at the back roar to life, while I pointed the ship's nose upward to begin ascent at a steep angle. And... it felt quite 'interesting' when the forces began to push me into the chair, and the breast into my chest, itself compressed slightly by the suit. Not to mention the 'cushioning' on my lower half equally getting pushed around in a similar manner. I heard an audio cue indicating an incoming signal, and pushed a button to listen in - the transmission coming from down below, the Aegis HQ, seemingly the traffic controller on duty, or one of them.
"Godspeed. All of Aegis wishes you good luck out there. And come back to us in one piece."
I simply flicked a switch to acknowledge the transmission, and engaged the exterior seals of the ship, with them life support - I was only a few kilometers above the surface yet, currently passing through the clouds, but I'd soon clear the dense atmosphere. The hull rattled as the ship's frame shook from the air flowing over it at a very high speed, more and more, until... everything calmed down, just as suddenly, and I could visibly begin to see the atmosphere thinning, reducing drag and its effects on the ship's speed. Only a few seconds after that, a light indicating 'Mass Lock' turned off, and I was able to safely engage the FSD.
"Okay... this feels.. different."
That was really all I could say to the way I felt about the forces that exerted themselves on my body in this straight line flight, especially with all of the soft mass on my lower half really trying to spread out and take up chair space wherever it could find it. I couldn't imagine how it'd be in an actual combat situation where more maneuvering was involved. I waited for a few minutes for the ship to really get up to speed in this... flight mode, or whatever it could be called, while the force of gravity slowly lessened more and more, until it disappeared entirely. Whether through EDI's doing, or an automated routine meant to play out on first takeoff... the ship began to 'orbit' around the planet, turning and positioning itself in such a way that I could get a really get a good view of what was to see below. And it was... nothing short of stunning, between the verdant, lush landscape that thrived on the higher latitudes of the northern and southern hemispheres of the hot planet, a few snow-covered mountain tops, its clear blue oceans, and the large desert that provided a stark contrast down by its center regions. And there was only one word I could find to describe how I felt about this.
"Wow."
'I wonder if this is how the first people to see Earth from space felt, when they could ...', I thought to myself, and just... watched, for a few minutes, allowing myself to be completely absorbed in this beauty. Even just letting some tears of joy run down my cheeks, because it was simply so pretty. Then... I turned my attention to those other sensations I felt. Not related to my body, not even originating from within it - it was other ships. Somehow, I was able to 'feel' exactly where they were located even without a sensor contact, through the disturbance their FSDs left behind. Maybe that was even how Thargoids were able to so accurately determine where human ships were located, or 'sense' when they travelled through hyperspace.
All of this, was, somehow... magical, in a way. And I began to wonder, already, if this ability to 'feel' other ships would be useful, in some way. But, for now, I just wanted to go to my carrier and poke around for a little in there, then fly around the system to get a better feeling for the ship's controls. I let EDI guide me to that big, 'civilian' capital ship, though, including the docking sequence - if just so I could freely watch. And it turned out to be really worth it - seeing the large vessel 'pop' into existence when the FSD disengaged was a fairly good sight, and illustrated its size quite well. It still surprised me that I had one of these to begin with, or even the money to afford one, but it seemed like it could be rather useful - so I didn't argue about it. And it could, seemingly, maintain itself without much guidance so long as the crew were paid, which suited my needs even better. Not to mention that I would probably actually not be any good as a real captain of a capital ship.
I dropped my thinking for the moment, once the Krait Phantom finished its docking procedure and began to descend into the hangar. I had quite the big ship to explore now, and I wouldn't miss that for most other things in the world. Before going out onto it, however, I dropped the holographic disguise disc in my personal cabin - having it in a pant pocket while wearing a suit over the clothes was a little irritating. And if this was my carrier, it was probably best to get its crew used to my appearance sooner, rather than later.
I hadn't yet gotten much where, as I stepped out of the airlock into the medium-size hangar bay, but it felt like a big step for me. And I was quite eager to find out where this journey would end up taking me - as long as it didn't involve smacking on my backside after firing a powerful weapon, of course.
I also made myself a mental note to attach a solid pistol holder to the side of the pilot's chair. There was no way I could hold it on my right thigh while in flight.
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(OOC) So, yeah, that's about it for the 'main' recovery arc of Kira with Aegis, first on the rescue megaship, then on Duamta in their headquarters. In some ways, this was an experiment for me, primarily around writing her in a more child-like state of mind, the way she built herself back up from that and got her memories back, the ‘brain space’, how the repairs are “performed” within it, and the recovery in general. I hope I did some things right within that, at least.
Her recovery is not exactly fully completed, yet, however, so you will see more things surrounding or directly related to it in the future, as she goes on a new, fun adventure. Hopefully, actually fun for her, that is.
When will it kick off? Wednesday, or Thursday, probably, at this point. Can't make any guarantees yet, given the realities of life and writing motivation, or lack thereof, and my original plan got thrown off track a little. Nor have I actually prepared anything yet(and I do kind of need to, to do it as I intend). In any case, I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.
And in case you're wondering why I gave her those oversized proportions - well, as it happened during Exposure, and those realizations that came with it, I decided to give her something to just be happy about and undo some of that negative energy she otherwise had a tendency to spread around her. Even if it is not an entirely serious thing, part of the character's MO always was to just be a little silly sometimes, and this works well within that. Rest assured, if she needs to kick someone between the legs, she absolutely still will. And it might just hurt a lot more now.
(I realize I'm doing an RP with Meowers at the moment in the inara forums but, uh, this takes place after it in the timeline so it at least breaks nothing in that regard. Sorry for the confusion, just don't want to throw off the timing of my log-posting plans too much.)