(Til Death Do Us Part) 15: The Void Within
26 May 2023Silvia Sharpe
+WARNING! The events in this entry could be considered triggering for some individuals. For those who continue past this point just know this entry is a part of Silvia's journey to recovery dealing with the loss of her wife.+*****
Silvia found herself on the observation deck staring into the void. The last 6 months had contained the hardest challenges she has had to face up to this point in her life. Memories flood her mind, some good, others painful. Next to her sat Venus' old side arm. Silvia spoke out loud as if Venus was sitting next to her listening.
'I never knew how hard life would be without you Venus. I tried to imagine it but I never knew it would be this bad.'
Silvia closed her eyes and attempted to push out the darkness welling up inside. The pain grew exponentially, until finally everything released all at once. She burst out into tears, her pain finally being released in solitude. She screamed out for the universe to give her only love back to her.
She reached over and grabbed the pistol, tears streaming down her face, her breathing interrupted by sobs and shudders. Silvia pointed the pistol at her head as the void within her grew even more vast than it had ever been before.
As she sat there trembling, her sorrow slowly eating away at her like an acid, a memory of Venus ran through her mind. Venus reached out to Silvia and wiped the tears away from her face. She kissed her gently and in a loving and tender tone consoled her.
'I'm here now Silvia. Everything will be alright.'
Silvia screamed out in a pained angered tone throwing the pistol away from her. As the pistol struck the ground Silvia cupped her face in her hands and sobbed. The two had been in love for nearly 10 years. They grew so close together that it was rare to see one of them alone in public. Every passing moment was spent together exploring the galaxy and creating memories that some could only ever dream of. The loss of Venus was so profound that Silvia lost a chunk of her identity that unfortunate day.
She lowered her hands from her face and stared out into the void once more, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She wanted the pain to end but couldn't find a way out. Hours passed as she sat crying and screaming, all of the bottled emotions from Venus' death just flowing out of her uncontrollably. She found herself at the airlock at one point, her hand hovering over the override lever.
She paused, thinking about how painful it would be to die in space. The thought was brief but not nearly enough to prevent her from pulling the lever. With a bit of effort and a solid *thunk* the lever dropped down to the open position. There was a hiss as the airlock opened and the air in the room was pulled violently into the void along with Silvia. The alarms blared declaring extreme depressurization and alerting all to the extremely hazardous environment.
She began to panic when all the air was pulled from her lungs. Silvia began to regret the choice almost immediately as the lack of atmosphere made everything horrendously cold. She attempted to scream but no sound could be heard. All the remaining oxygen she had in her lungs dissipated, leaving her gasping as the world around her began to quickly fade to black as she suffocated.
Silvia was rendered unconscious and drifted just outside the observation deck, frost formed on her skin as the moisture froze over. The tears on her face froze and her eyes clouded over with ice. Jules rushed to the observation deck to see Silvia's frost covered body drifting outside. She quickly donned an oxygen mask and attached a tether around her waist as well as a second oxygen mask. She grabbed one of the thruster packs and strapped it to her back.
Without hesitation she pressed the airlock release and fired the thruster pack at full power, rushing towards Silvia, knowing she only had a short time to react. As Jules made her way to Silvia she noticed the frozen tears on her face. She grabbed the oxygen mask off her waist and quickly placed it over Silvia's face ensuring to tighten the straps properly. Jules activated the thruster pack and made her way to the airlock quickly flipping the lever to the closed position.
She quickly checked over Silvia, panic setting in. She had noticed Silvia had been distant the past few days but chalked it up to her being upset with Jules for getting hurt. Silvia let out a deep sharp gasp as her body thawed enough for her breathing to resume. Jules called for emergency personnel to take Silvia to the hospital wing as she wrapped Silvia in a foil like blanket to try and warm her back up.
****
Silvia woke up a few days later an awful feeling of sorrow filling her chest. The gravity of Venus' death was crushing and she could do nothing but feel hopeless. They admitted her to a psychiatric ward for observation. During her time there Silvia recounted the events that led to her attempt.
For the first couple days she remained solitary laying in the bed she was assigned, refusing to eat anything. She avoided all the other individuals who were present at the time and refused to take part in the group exercises. After a couple days she attended one of the group counseling sessions.
By the end of the week doctors checked her over and released her back to Jules' care. Jules said nothing on the way back to their temporary quarters. The silence was crushing. Silvia held her head low and uttered a single ominous phrase.
'Don't forget.'
Silvia felt an ever looming presence of emptiness as she closed the door to her room. As the lights dimmed and Silvia laid on her bed she reached under her mattress and pulled out her plasma pistol. She sobbed quietly as she placed the pistol against her head and pulled the trigger. Silvia felt a brief moment of pain then fell limp.
She had suffered terribly and lost her battle with the black hole in her mind. The sound of the pistol going off was enough to cause Jules to rush into the room breaking the door off its hinges. The moment she saw Silvia laying in the bed, limp, blood covering the pillows and sheets, Jules dropped to her knees.
The woman she had called a friend and had begun to for some reason fall in love with, was in trying to end it all. Jules called for help and explained the situation. Within moments the residence was filled with station security and emergency personnel. Silvia was rushed to an emergency triage center where doctors attempted to save her life.
The plasma round had skimmed the top portion of her head but was enough to cause serious damage to Silvia's memory. Jules spent the next several days waiting for an update from hospital staff about Silvia's condition. The doctor came out and gave Jules an update. A saddened and sorry look upon his face.
'She is awake.'
'Thank God. I have to see h.....'
Jules interrupted and attempted to move past the doctor. He placed a hand on her shoulder and interrupted her before she could finish speaking.
'She is awake but..... she has no memory of anything from the last several months to nearly a year. She may not remember who you are. Does she have any family that might want to see her?'
A look of pain grew on Jules' face at the news of Silvia memory loss. Unwilling to believe that Silvia had forgotten her Jules pushed past the doctor and entered the room. Silvia turned to look at the door a brief smile appeared before it turned to a look of distress and confusion.
'Do I..... do we know eachother? You look familiar but I can't explain how or why. Where is Venus? I wish to see her.'
Jules began to cry and smiled through her tears nodding a little before her expression turned to that of extreme sorrow.
'Yes..... yes we do..... but I have some horrible news to tell you about Venus......'