Logbook entry

Personal record of Captain Lucius Astathor: Entry 02

10 Jul 2023Lucius Astathor
||:Audiovisual recording initiated: Record begins below:||

Adjusting the viewscreen slightly so it is correctly focuses I take a sip of the coffee before placing the mug on the table just out of view, lighting up a cigarette and take a long drag, holding in the smoke before slowly exhaling as I let my mind wander, staring absentmindedly into the view screen as I watch the timer tick up in the corner of the screen. The sudden rumbling of a large ship taking off from the docking bays snaps my attention back into the present, as I reach down to take another snip of coffee before clearing my throat

"This is Captain Lucius Astathor of Her Majesty's Imperial Guard, the date is the 10th of July 3309. I have been staying within Dyson city for a little over a fortnight now, oddly enough I even have the same apartment unit from when I was last here, Nova thought it would help me settle in if I was back somewhere familiar I assume." Taking another drag of my cigarette I look out my dorm window, the artificial light of the station streaming into my room. Taking another sip of coffee I look back into the viewscreen, collecting my thoughts before I continued.

"The irony of my presence here, assisting those I once fought against, is not lost on me, these people have been kind enough to grant me residence here, to give me a place I can call home, a chance once again to find purpose. Yet even now I cannot help to feel as though I am little more than an outsider, I have no right to be granted the hospitality of these people, not after what I have done, not after what was sacrificed........" I force myself to stop mid-sentence, as I feel myself begin to spiral once more into the dark depths of my mind, my heart thumping with rage as I go to take another drag of my cigarette, realising however I have crushed it.

Taking a deep breath, I throw the crushed remains of my cigarette into the bin, reaching for the box of cigarettes from the inner pocket of my jacket, searching for solace in the comforting ritual. As I light one up, the smoke intertwines with my thoughts, my hand tracing the scars on my face as I look at my hazy reflection in the viewscreen, before looking down at the timer in the corner, pulling my attention back into the present. "I've been doing some work for Nova since I've been here, mostly couriering data for their elections in neighbouring systems and other odd jobs of sorts. I know it's not much but it helps, and it gives me something to do while I work on building my life here"

"I spent many months out in the void after I left active service, exploring the far reaches of space as I tried to drown the guilt of what I did" Taking a drag before continuing, I reach over and turn on my coffee machine, the mechanism whirring as it pours another drink. "In retrospect my voyage into the unknown helped me gain focus, being alone in the void puts many things into perspective, nobody else to distract you, no bar to drown your sorrows, just your thoughts and the beauty of the void. When I left I was content with staying out in the void forever jumping between carriers out in the black, yet eventually, I realised I had to return to finally face my damned past, I made a promise to absolve my men, to bring lasting change for the betterment of the Empire and her peoples....whatever the cost to myself"

The coffee machine behind me begins to beep as it finishes pouring my drink, as I pull out my hip flask and add a small splash of brandy into the mixture before taking a sip, savouring the flavours before taking another drag, holding in the smoke before finally exhaling, this small ritual of mine bringing a slight clam to my racing mind. "The wider Empire may label me as a turncoat a traitor for abandoning his post and his Emperor, yet my short time here has led me to see a new aspect of loyalty and duty, my allegiance is not to a simple figurehead but instead the very principles the Empire was founded upon, principles we now see dashed aside at an alarming rate"

I take a final drag from my cigarette, the embers fading into ashes before I stub it out, as I look down at the time, conscious of the work I need to get done today as I finish up my recording "I have spent too long being introspective, to long inside my head. I may never truly heal from the wounds of my past but I must rise above it if I wish to fight for a future Empire, worthy of its people, and to perhaps one day absolve myself. I have promises to keep and I would be nothing if I was not a man of my word"

||:Audiovisual recording terminated: End of Record:||
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