Humanity Divided: Survey Reveals Shocking Support for Thargoid Peace
13 Mar 2024Beerbelly B. Bacon
In a stunning revelation, a recent survey conducted across the Milky Way has uncovered a deeply polarized stance towards the ongoing conflict between humanity and the enigmatic extraterrestrial species known as the Thargoids. The findings, released today, paint a chilling picture of dissent and discord within our very midst.According to the survey, a staggering 27% of human inhabitants harbor a desire for peace with the Thargoids, citing concerns over economic interests and a perception of humanity as the true aggressor in the long-standing conflict. What's more, a significant portion of this faction, nearly half of them, shockingly advocate for the surrender of invaded systems to the Thargoids, in a desperate bid to halt their relentless advance. Even more alarming, a twisted 12% would willingly subject themselves to Thargoid enslavement, betraying their own species for a false promise of safety.
But the madness doesn't end there. Reports have surfaced of a radical splinter group, self-proclaimed defenders of the alien invaders, resorting to barbaric measures in their quest for transformation. In a grotesque display of devotion, these fanatical zealots actively seek out abduction by the Thargoids, hoping to be bitten and mutated into the very creatures they claim to defend.
Enter Quiet-Thargs-Anonymous, or Q-T-ANON, the largest of the burgeoning interest groups to emerge from this chaos. Led by the enigmatic billionaire Dominic T. Rump, this shadowy organization peddles a dangerous ideology of appeasement and submission. With Rump at the helm, Q-T-ANON threatens to undermine the very fabric of human resistance, pushing us ever closer to the brink of extinction.
As whispers of collaboration and betrayal echo through the corridors of power, one thing remains abundantly clear: humanity stands at a crossroads, teetering on the edge of oblivion. Will we succumb to the siren song of peace at any cost, or will we rise to meet the Thargoid threat with unwavering resolve? The fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.
Beerbelly B. Bacon exclusively for the Bacons Warpigs