Breaching Point (2)
14 Aug 2016Ryan Murdoc
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people." Carl JungGreeboski's Outpost, several days after CMDR Miss Martians escape from the Umbra Vorago.
Silence. Except for my breath.
As I stood in the place I made for her.
Where I thought I could help her.
I removed everything after she escaped. This place was now as bare and void as before.
I sighed, and sat on the floor, back of my head against the cool metal and staring up to the cold white lights illuminating the place.
"How does one fall from grace? It's quite easy. You pave the road to hell with good intentions. The icing on the poisonous cake however is a self-righteous mindset that makes you think everyone but yourself is wrong.
I've tried to help getting the depression, the darkness and self loathing out of her, but I utterly failed. All my talk about that I knew what was going on in her was a lie. I never experienced a blackness inside ever before. At least not in a way that shook me to the foundations of my existence.
Until now.
How does someone expect to have the other side realize they do those things out of worry, the intention to save and protect? Out of love?
What do I know about love? Is that the feeling of utter disgust lodged in my belly while my heart races as if it's about to explode any given moment when my thoughts move to her face, eyes, body?
When I was raped back on the Carpini Terminal, I was unconcious. I wasn't aware of what happened. I felt used, yes. But mostly because I am a man, a predator, and the woman is always the prey, right? We're stronger, so we're set by nature to be dominant, taking what we want, when we want it. Not to be weak and helpless like them.
Or so morons think, those who pay no second thought to what their actions cause. And to have someone as precious as her willingly sacrifice herself to numb her inner pain with one from the outside; just how much does it take for someone not to care? To be lying there fully concious while they did what they did, while being completely immobilized by a drug? A drug that was slipped into the drink, to see that the person did so, and still drink it?
To hate oneself so much to think that this would be a proper punishment...ggrrrrraaaAAAAHH!!!!"
I slammed my fists on the ground, feeling the pain. But what was that compared to her?
Nothing.
So I continued to ram my fists into the ground reapeatedly until the floor was covered with my blood.
I went into a pounding frenzy.
Then everything went black.
I opened my eyes.
My heartrate went through the roof. I was standing up to my hips in corpses. Twisted frames of broken bones, empty eyes, bleeding from countless wounds.
And I knew with complete certainty that I had murdered them.
All of them.
I screamed as I felt something grabbing my ankles and pulling me down. Bit by bit, deeper into this mound of decay and death.
I blacked out.
System malfunction detected. Apply THP
I woke again.
Around me were sights and sounds of battle. In a space ship, type unknown. Someone was screaming. Sounds of gunshots fired. People dying.
"Get him to the escape capsule, now!" a female voice screamed.
Mother?
"Save Dirk, we hold them long enough to..."
Father?
The ship exploded. I lived. They died.
I lost conciousness.
System malfunction detected.
Application of THP unsuccessful:
Stress levels critical.
Initiating Standby mode.
I woke again.
Everything was still.
Frozen in place.
My room on the Umbra Vorago. Reading aloud part of a classified rapport of a agent of whomever made me into who I was now. Sent by CMDR Reykur.
"I don’t know where she is hiding the chip..."
My voice was like nails screeching over a blackboard.
My vision blurred.
Standby mode corrupted:
Unknown data
Unable to process
Executing Prerrrrerrorrrr(%$$&%
"Coragon..."
Miss Martian.
Her face close to mine.
Close enough to kiss.
"You lied to me..."
I heard the bitterness of the accusation.
Feeling it pound the air out of my lungs.
Wanting to scream at her that I didn't.
That I wanted to save her.
No sound came out of me.
"You lied to me...you are just like them..."
She moved away from me.
My eyes seeing her frame.
Beautiful and precious at first glance.
Then I saw the bruises.
The scars.
Her eyes dulled as she holds a glass with some kind of liquid.
I want to slap it out of her hand, but I can't move.
In horror I watch as she drinks until it's empty.
Falling to the ground, the glass shatters.
Her naked feet step into it, cutting her flesh.
She doesn't even flinch.
Leaving bloody footprints as she comes close once more.
"You lied to me...you are just like them...you can't save me...leave me be..."
She violently gets pulled back
Thrown to the ground like a ragdoll.
Twisted laughter fills the air.
Shadowy figures appear, surround her.
Knowing what will happen, I struggle with all I have to move, to help.
I am powerless. I stay where I am, unable to do anything but watch.
And listen.
Like she had to.
I scream, tear at my invisible shackles, to no avail.
I cannot help her.
Blackness engulfs me.
Sys"&&"§ ov3Rl6d
S934T Z§ÄÄi"
"&§"!!!!ÄP
I wake again.
I see her on the floor, before me.
The eyes empty, the gaze blank.
Waiting for the inevitable to happen.
I look down at myself.
I am one of the shadowy figures.
I am.
To be continued...