Odd feelings
01 Jan 2016Ryan Murdoc
Sleeping has become a problem lately. Maybe i need to cut back on all that fighting within our HazRES, after all, i am not the only one who can diminish their numbers. Others want some bounties too, so i think i could take some time off, at least for a bit. Treating myself with some relaxing music, although i seem to tend to the very basics - meditative music that calms the brain and heart. Adding a sample here so i don't forget it either...But i don't think it's all the work i do for my comrades, CMDR Veyder and the minor faction we support why i can't truly focus anymore. After eliminiating all other possible intrusions into my focusing, there's pretty much only one possiblity left why i am in my current state.
It's her. Ms. Cassidy. Nova.
I am no fool though. I know my bald appearance, my not-so-sexy face and the less then stellar frame of mine (i am not fat though....i think) won't even come close to what she probably has in mind regarding a guy that she'd deem worthy of her attention. Assuming she's interested in men at all that is....still, she's stuck in my mind, and the sooner i can see her, or even just listen to her voice, again, the better.I could go on for a long time describing and comparing her looks, the eyes, the hair...more breathtaking and spectacular then any sight i've seen in the known Universe as of now.
Probably it's quite foolish to write this all down, especially considering it could be used against me. Never let anyone know what you truly value, because then they have a way to hurt you. I ought to have learned that lesson a long, long time ago. I also remember my vow never to let it happen ever again. And then, someone like Nova crosses your eyes, her voice enters not your ears but your heart too. Love ? C'mon, after the first meeting ? Besides, i don't think she'd be the woman wanting to settle down and have children. Hell, i can't even think of settling down myself, i mean i found the Ghost Squadron, they are my home and family, still...can't think of being permanently on a Station or on a Planet. We're both wanderers, her and me...
I guess the best i can do at this point is to support her whenever possible. Maybe she'll see me as a friend one day, or perhaps more then that, but these are foolish thoughts of mine. In the end, i need to be content to have met her and be part of her life as much as i am allowed to. Just need to keep myself in check whenever i am about her, last thing i'd want is to embarass her.
But it all comes down to this - i don't want to lose her. And whomever treats her wrong, or even dares to cause her physical or mental pain, will pay for such with their blood. And i'll take my time making them realize just how big of a mistake they made before i snuff out their lives.