Reborn anew
15 Jan 2016Ryan Murdoc
I've been watching this over and over again, and I've tried over and over again to remember. To see the error, to understand the need of that other Me that willingly put a end to himself this way. But I fear i cannot, for i simply am not the man I see there. Which is only logical because it isn't me I see. Even though I might have the same heart and brain, the voice being exactly the same, I can't feel even the slightest ounce of contentment to have ended my former life this way. Make that his former life...
All the Logbook entries of the previous CMDR Coragon were destroyed along with his ship, unless he stored it on somekind of device elsewhere, of which I have no notion of. And to be honest even if I knew where they were, I wouldn't want to watch or read. The person I am is devoid of anything in means of previous feelings, habits, preferences, you name it. I am a empty page, and I plan not to rewrite a once existing story.
Even if we share the same looks, body structure and so on, I can't and won't be the other guy. I live my own life, though I admit it's easy to start a life with the biggest fighting ship currently known and a well-stocked amount of credits in the backhand. At least in that regard I'll accept my former self. He owes me for leaving me with nothing, so to speak.
Then again, I am not entirely true to myself. I want something, or rather, somebody, from the dead Coragon's life. The woman in my head, of which I think I finally have the full name now (Nova Cassidy)....she's intriguing, and ment a lot to him, or at least I hope she did. I'll find out if she and he had a past, and if not, maybe will have a future. Need to tread careful there though, don't want to end up with a gun pointing at me or such.
I'll need to find information about her and get into contact. And find out if she has other kinds of relationships, former or current. In the meantime I'll stay with the Ghost Squadron, and make them think i am still him. Won't take much though, he was a bit of a overzealous "I-serve-for-the-greater-good" person. Easy to play such a role.