The Hell is a Space Cat??
13 Dec 2015DrunkRenegade12
Some of the SySec guys heard it first, a loud bang followed maniacal laughter. I received a call in my quarters from one of the officers out on night watch. "Sir, you may want to come down here. It's iP1lot." Shit. What has he done now?I made my way down to the Officer's Wing, where smoke was coming out of iP1lot's cabin. Several local officers were holding back members of the media, doing their damndest to get a good story. Deputy Commander Benjamari came out, holding something. "P1lot's gone sir. Control saw him flying off in his 'Conda. This was the only thing that wasn't damaged from the blast."
A piece of paper? How did that survive the blast? As I began to read, the less it made sense. It was handwritten, and began to get erratic toward the bottom. Here is a transcript:
Praises be unto The Supreme Space Cat,
I have seen the light from the eyes of The Space Cat myself brothers and it is bright, beautiful, and very scoopable. A very strange path has led me here, to my new life. It is a story I still do not fully comprehend myself, but it is one I am willing, nay, compelled to share with you.
My transcendence began when I was first tasked with finding the individuals who had been buying the UAs from “The Coalition” on our black market. As it turns out they were a couple of rich fed collectors from the sol system. I took 4 UAs in total from the bust and transferred them to the hold of my conda for safe keeping till I could dismantle and destroy them. Little did I know these unknown artifacts would be the key to unlocking my salvation.
I fell asleep in my flight seat that night, not an unusual occurrence. Especially since the cmdrs quarters are quite far away from the bridge in that boat. When I woke I heard a sound. One unlike anything I had ever heard before. It startled me because I couldn't place where it was coming from. I felt as though it was coming from inside of me. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and did a system status check.
My hold was empty. I was kitted for long range exploring, but I had no scanner. Just a giant fuel scoop and the internals to go with it. I checked the navigation panel and saw nothing in my area. The closest star I could jump to was 80 light years out. “How the hell did I get here?!” I thought to myself as I pulled up my galaxy map… I was at the edge. The very edge of the galaxy, on the other side of sag a* from wolf. My heart dropped, I panicked. I have never been one for exploring. I get bored flying to robigo for Space Cats sake. But here I was on the other side of the goram ‘verse with nothing but “exceeds mass” showing on my nav panel. “What am I going to do!? How in the ‘verse could this have happened?!” Then I heard it again.
This time I heard it echo clearly throughout my boat. I still couldn't quite pin what it was. But I knew I had heard it before on YouTube. Then I remembered it sounded like one of the animals from Earth that became extinct after the Third World War. I remembered learning about them in school. We would watch videos, and laugh for hours. So many millions of videos viewed by millions of people. All involving just one kind of animal. I closed my galaxy map and gazed out of my canopy into The Black. I saw nothing. Only endless darkness. I felt alone and cold. Then I heard it again. And this time I knew what it was. The Meow bounced around the frigid metallic walls of my ship. Then peering back at me from The Black I saw it. The Supreme and Mighty Space Cat in all it’s magnificence.
I felt a wave of euphoria hit me like high grade narcotics mixed with Aganippe Rush. And as I was bathed in a bright light emanating from The Space Cat, my awareness of my being and the universe around me became so profound and overwhelming, and unlike anything I had ever felt before, that my body and soul could no longer handle The Mighty Space Cat and I... shamefully passed out.
I awoke to find myself and my boat floating outside the dive. I felt confused about the events that had just transpired. I started to laugh, then cry, then laugh some more, and now I continue to laugh. I still can’t shake this overwhelming feeling of happiness that is still consuming me like fire. I have seen the truth and I know what I must do.
So my friends, to the fluffy point of my tale... I am retiring from Exo System Security to lead a more pious life and spread the gospel of The Church of The Space Cat. Through the power bequeathed unto us by our Supreme Lord, the galaxy will know the truth and all may be witness the glory that is The Space Cat.
Cmdr iP1lot
I look up and realize that Benji had the same look of concern that I had. "Contact Flight Leader Brainator. We need to find P1lot and make sure he's safe. Quarantine the Black Market area, none of our pilots are to go near it, that includes Monty's smugglers. I'll send for all officers to prepare for an emergency meeting."
As Benji left, I couldn't help but wonder who else may be affected, and how long it will last.