An oldie but goodie
10 Mar 2022Rotwhylr
I posted this in the FDEV forums a long while back, so it's not new content, strictly speaking. I was reading through some of my old scribblings, and thought this would be fun to drag out for old times' sake.===========================
So, I'm hauling refugees from point A to point B, and I catch the fairly predictable interdiction. The following is dramatized to prevent excessive boredom, and should be read in alternating but similar faux British accents:
[NPC]: I've come a long way for what's in your hold!
[Me]: Yes, about that, I'm prepared to give you everything.
[NPC]: You choose death? Very well ... wait a minute, did you just give up?
[Me]: Not exactly, no. I'm making a counter-offer.
[NPC]: It was my snazzy moniker, wasn't it? Hmm? No one can resist "Malelovent Michael".
[Me]: Erm, no. It's very nice, but that's not why I stopped.
[NPC, slightly deflated]: Oh, yes, of course, it must have been the ship then, "Hellbreaker Dawn"? Properly intimidating name for a ship, that is.
[Me, trying not to turn an otherwise perfectly civilised interdiction into an awkward scene]: Actually, it was something else. But you *are* getting warmer. It definitely has to do with your ship.
[NPC, at somewhat of a loss]: Well, if it wasn't my deft piloting, or my nifty nom de guerre, or my ship's name, why are you here?
[Me]: As I said, I'm prepared to make a counter-offer.
[NPC]: Ah, yes, you mentioned something about that, but you see, that's somewhat irregular. We're not really set up to do that.
[Me]: Well, just hear me out, then we can decide whether you can accommodate my request.
[NPC]: Very well, what do you have in mind?
[Me]: I'm prepared to give you my cargo.
[NPC]: Excellent! You're quite a reasonable chap after all. If you would just ...
[Me]: I'm not finished.
[NPC]: Pardon me, what?
[Me]: I'm not finished. I'll give you my cargo, my passengers, and this fabulous A-rated Anaconda. The whole kit and kaboodle. It's all fly-away ready.
[NPC, speechless for a moment]: Certainly! Yes, we could arrange that, I suppose. What about you, sir? Where would you like to be dropped off?
[Me]: I was thinking we could swap ships.
[NPC]: Yes, well, while I'm very tempted, I'm not sure I can do that.
[Me]: Ok, take it all and drop me off at the nearest port with a large landing pad and outfitting capabilities.
[NPC]: [NPC, relieved]: Oh, yes, certainly, no trouble at ...
[Me]: With your FSD Interdictor.
[NPC]: With my what?
[Me]: Your FSD Interdictor. The one that can interdict end-game ships from over 2500 light-seconds away.
[NPC, flustered]: I beg your pardon?
[Me]: You see, on my last few runs, I have been interdicted at over 1500 light-seconds distance, and then over 2300 light-seconds distance. I didn't think much about it at the time, but later in port I realized just how fantastic a capability that would be. And now you interdict me from 2500 ... wait, no, over 2600 light-seconds away. Imagine, a ship the size of a twenty-first century house on earth sitting in the orbit of Jupiter, interdicting a twenty-first century aircraft carrier sailing on the surface of Sol.
[NPC, trying to sound modest]: Well, when you put it that way, it *is* rather impressive.
[Me]: Exactly. Which is why I must have it. After all, with something like that ... well, I don't suppose I have to tell you what that would mean in PvP.
[NPC]: Yes, well I can see why you would want that, but I really can't just ...
[Me]: Quite an offer, really. All the tasty cargo in my hold,
[NPC]: ... yes, but you see it's not that ...
[Me]: My passengers sold off as slaves by your unscrupulous business associates,
[NPC]: ... of course we would like to accommodate you sir, but ...
[Me]: And best of all, this fully kitted out A-rated 'Conda.
[NPC]: ... but I'm sorry, that just isn't possible.
[Me, deploying hardpoints]: That is ... ahem ... unfortunate. I *did* mention that I A-rated *everything* on this ship, yes?
[NPC, covering his mic and whispering urgently in the background]: Mr. Braben! I think he's on to us!
[Me]: Oh come now, certainly we can come to some kind of agreement here?
[NPC]: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I have just been informed that my services are required elsewhere, immediately. Good day! (NPC high-wakes out without needing to charge FSD)
[Me]: (Sigh.) I should have asked for that instant-charging FSD as well, I suppose.
[Me, shouting down into the hold]: Poor luck, I'm afraid. You won't be sold off as slaves after all.
