Embarking upon the Copperhead Road
25 Nov 2017Commander-Wingnut
"The Maia system? That's right next door to the Pleiades nebula. For God's sake, Wingnut, I'm not even in the damn chair yet and your first job is to have me take you right into Tharg territory?"
"Yup. Sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? We might get to make first contact tonight."
"Fun? I was perfectly happy chasing dormant bounties right here. At least I know who's who in Chacobog.
Anyway, why does it sound like I'm gonna be flying this trip in?"
Wingnut chuckled, his elbows braced against the doorframe to the Copperhead Road's bridge.
"The first half, at least. I just spent four out of the last five days driving around, triggering alarms and keeping Squeezy Stan flipping over in his bed.
I really need to hit the bunk, and the auto-pilot's never worked right. So you're taking the stick. Go'ead, have a sit."
NPC Britney Coffey, formerly a privateer hired by the Chacobog Movement for Equality and now the sub-commander of the UNSS Copperhead Road, took to the seat and swiveled it to face the screen.
"So, you're talking a series of jumps that may take hours, even at traffic priority."
She referred to a situation where all USS's, distress beacons, shipwrecks, anything that could serve a distraction to their trip, would be ignored. "My ship could have done it a lot faster. A lot bigger, too. But I notice on your school bus, there seems to be no bathroom on board."
"Yeah. The Commander cannot leave the chair for any reason.
Never quite figured out why that is. And remember, since this is a Class 5 personal craft, you're in a spacesuit and everything."
"But - what if I need to - "
Auto-catheters deploying
intoned a contralto, disembodied AI voice.
Please remain still.
"Auto-whAAAAAATTHEFUCK"