Storytime
14 Dec 2017Mack Winston
Harvestport, Kappa FornacisEIC Company Canteen, Habitation section C78
"So why do they call you Horse?", Federico asked, finally, giving Sam "Horse" Hines a quizzical look.
After the turmoil of the previous weeks, we had settled to avoid excitement, and had been flying the Dmitry Mendeleev, an Orca fit as a first class passenger liner. I was also looking for a replacement for Jeb Gold, but this had proven fruitless, and I was beginning to concede I'd have no option but to make a quiet visit to the Pegasi sector. I needed to know of any threats, and the lack of information was making me paranoid.
The Company mission office had seen that we had been ferrying passengers between Company systems, and decided to have us mentor some new recruits. We had shown the latest bunch around the systems and stations owned by the East India Company on the back of passenger work, and after a long day a trip to the Harvestport canteen was a good place to unwind.
The canteen had been dimmed for the station's evening period, and the dinner menu was on. I wasn't sure exactly why they had a separate dinner menu because it all seemed like unidentifiable fried lumps in gravy to me. Filling - certainly, nutritious - well, that was questionable, and adventurous - most certainly not. Especially with a planet below covered in agriculture and little human habitation.
The three new recruits would have to get used to it, at least. The canteen was a social hub for the Company, of sorts - so it seemed like a good place to finish the day. The three recruits where not what I had imagined. There were two women from Achenar who seemed to me perfectly experienced pilots, well versed in the ways of the Empire, and just didn't need mentoring.
Then there was Federico. He was from Earth in Sol of all places - the cradle of humanity. He told us he had inherited a Sidewinder from a relative - and now wanted his fortune in space. He might have been as old as twenty, but I wasn't sure. In contrast to Marta and Aisling (no, not Duval), he was definitely the fish out of water. He'd almost flinched when I opened the small case of Panem Gold and put it on the table for us to all share - because the Federation had drummed into him all his life "onionhead is baaad, m'kay?"
I told him we'd not force him to partake, but Panem Gold is special, and you might not ever see it again. He nervously took some, looking hunted and guilty, scanning the canteen for the authorities. The authorities, however, were too busy two tables across with their own box of Panem Gold. The ever fiery George Oppenheimer was looking rather more relaxed than usual, and was casually discussing trivialities with the similarly relaxed Vice President Lynch.
Finally, Federico had overcome his nerves and asked Sam "Horse" Hines why we all called him Horse.
Oppenheimer had heard the question and shot Horse a dagger look, despite the onionhead haze. Cal and I sniggered.
"Well," Horse began, "once I was a new recruit, kinda like you. I had a Sidewinder, and I was hot shit, you know? Armed, dangerous, ready to run the most exciting missions."
"Ah, the glamorous life of a data delivery boy" I said, with a chuckle, remembering my own rather dubious start up in Alliance space.
"Yeah, that. Well, I wanted to supercharge my reputation in the Company, you know?"
"Supercharge?"
"Yeah, supercharge. Delivering paperwork hardly gets you noticed. Then I met this big nob from Ayethi, some Imperial lord, he had an estate in Topaz in that system. He had an urgent and very special shipment to make. And I had a Sidewinder! So I went and visited this guy to get the details"
Horse paused for a moment, and winced from the painful memory.
"Well, this guy wants to ship a live horse to Panem in Kappa Fornacis"
I couldn't help noticing Oppenheimer flash another dagger look at Horse. Horse smiled nervously back.
"A live horse..." Federico said, slowly.
"Yeah, a live horse"
"And?"
"I've got a Sidewinder"
Horse let that little nugget of information sink in.
"You didn't...?" Federico asked.
Horse nodded.
"But...how? I've seen a picture of a horse, they are big, right?"
"Yeah, they are big. And highly strung. And have hooves and biting teeth and a lot of mass"
"You didn't just tell this lord that you couldn't do it?"
"Nah, I felt I had to see it through, so we got the horse to the station, and with the help of a couple of my mates we got this animal in my ship. The damned thing was enormous, it looked twice as big as I thought it would be. The front half in the cockpit with me and the arse end of this horse sticking into the living quarters. It took two hours, the horse escaped three times, and I got kicked at least twice. But finally we got the beast in, secured, and relatively calm. Then I realised I'd have to unload this thing alone at the other end if I wasn't to be found out. I thought it'd be easy, getting the horse out, at least easier than getting it in"
Horse looked into his tea, then continued.
"It was all going really well until we went into witch-space. The damned horse went berserk, kicking and thrashing, leaving dents all over the ship. The damned thing kept lunging for me, and for the rest of the flight I had to avoid this whinnying Satan-beast that was trying to kill me with its hooves and teeth."
"Did it get you?"
"Yeah, I was repeatedly kicked on the side of my chest, the damned hoof crushing the ship's seat until it could hit me. Broke two ribs. It gets worse"
"Worse than a broken rib?"
"Yeah, you know when you drop from supercruise, you get what is described as a 'loud report'"?
"The bang?"
"Yeah, well the horse had calmed down a bit as we went towards Harvestport. It went berserk again when we dropped. A restraint broke and the demon beast got all turned around sideways and then started shitting everywhere."
"Then you had to dock"
"Yeah, then I had to dock, with hooves whistling past my ears, horse shit floating around the cockpit, and you can probably guess what happened next"
Even George Oppenheimer had started sniggering at this point...
"Let me guess," I said, "landing pad, gravity, rains horse shit"
"Yeah, horse shit falling everywhere. I spent weeks cleaning it out the air handlers. And the horse got stuck, completely wedged. And the damned owner was demanding where his horse was. I had to concede defeat and call the station vet. She showed up with three strong men, a tranquiliser and lifting tackle. I got the feeling she'd done this before. The job was slowed down by their guffaws of laughter at my expense, and of course, then there was the ignominy of everyone in the station knowing what I'd done within the hour. So there you have it. That's why people call me Horse"
"I don't think I'll try animal transporting on my Sidewinder", concluded Federico rather seriously.
I was inclined to agree.