Galnet archive

Clauss Incorporated Issues Appeal

The Clauss Incorporated organisation, a galaxy-wide distributor of luxury commodities, has issued a public appeal for Personal Gifts. The company CEO, Nicolas St Clauss, released a statement to the media, which is reprinted in full below:

"We at Clauss Incorporated specialise in bringing joy to the people of this vast and wonderful galaxy, and this year we're launching an initiative called 'New Ships for New Commanders', which we hope will help new pilots find their place in this vast cosmos of ours. We're asking all you talented pilots to help us by transporting Personal Gifts from Frost Dock in the Njambalba system to Clauss Port in the Santa Muerte system. We will then use the proceeds of the sale of these gifts to fund the 'New Ships for New Commanders' initiative. We will also be offering generous financial incentives to all pilots who contribute to the appeal, in addition to giving out a limited number of brand-new ships to new Commanders*."

"Sincerely,

Nicolas St Clauss"

"*Terms and conditions: New ships will only be offered to pilots who have logged between 3 and 10 hours total flight time. The type of ship offered will depend on the total number of Personal Gifts brought to Clauss Port, so please dig deep for your fellow pilots!"

Faction Issues Festive Request

Despite sharing a standard galactic calendar, most human societies prefer to mark the passage of days and years in relation to the stars of their home systems. But a large proportion of the galaxy's human population still observe some shared traditions, despite those traditions being rooted in the seasons of a planet many have never even visited. Of these, winter solstice festivals are perhaps the most prevalent.

This year, an organisation based in the Hel system is issuing a special appeal to commemorate the approaching winter solstice. The Hel Purple Energy Industry has issued a request for Crystalline Spheres – a commodity currently available only at Snow Moon in the Bento system. A spokesperson for the Hel Purple Energy Industry issued a brief statement:

"It might be an antiquated festival, but we believe the winter solstice is a great opportunity to unwind and spend some quality time with friends and family. And what better way to mark the occasion than to invite people to gather up snowballs – I mean, crystalline spheres – and haul them across the galaxy?"

The appeal begins today and is scheduled to run for one week.

Appeal for Xihe Companions comes to an End

The Revolutionary Noti Values Party has announced that its request for Xihe Companions has been successful. The organisation issued the appeal last week as part of an initiative to improve its so-called 'Master Chefs' – a special strain of slave labour specifically designed to serve as culinary workers. According to a spokesperson for the group, the Xihe Companions will be used to develop implants that will give the slaves access to every known recipe and culinary technique.

The creation of the Master Chefs has angered human-rights campaigners, which have accused the Revolutionary Noti Values Party of inhuman practices. The campaigners have cited a Federal Times report in which it was claimed that the slaves were subjected to "the most punishing, dehumanising training imaginable". The organisation was approached for comment, but responded only with an image of its shareholders laughing uproariously while drinking cocktails.

The Master Chefs will be available for purchase before the end of the year.

Master Chefs Coming to Market

Last month, a remarkable story emerged from the Noti system. According to an anonymous report, an organisation known as the Revolutionary Noti Values Party had created a new strain of slave labour known as 'the Master Chefs'. The unidentified whistleblower claimed the slaves were subjected to an intensive training programme designed to transform them into the galaxy's greatest gourmets – a claim dismissed by many as an imaginative hoax. A subsequent report from the Federal Times of a Master Chef training facility at Weber Gateway went some way towards lending credibility to the story, but most people remained unconvinced.

The sceptics were proved wrong, however, when the Revolutionary Noti Values Party announced that not only were the Master Chefs real, they would soon be available for purchase. The announcement invoked the ire of human rights activists, who condemned the allegedly inhuman practices employed in training the Master Chefs. But this did little to deter consumers from placing advance orders for the epicurean slaves.

Now, the Revolutionary Noti Values Party has announced that it intends to further improve the efficacy of its gastronomic labourers by implanting a comprehensive compendium of culinary knowledge directly into their cerebellums. A spokesperson for the organisation said:

"By embedding this knowledge directly in a slave's brain, we can ensure total data integration and retention, which when combined with the slave's inherent culinary ability will result in unmatched gastronomic efficacy. These guys will be able to make a bacon sandwich fit for a king."

The Revolutionary Noti Values Party concluded its announcement with a public appeal for Xihe Companions, which it will combine with the latest holographic technology to create the implants. The group has promised to give generous rewards to pilots who deliver the necessary materials.

Onionhead Appeal Successful

The Drug Empire of Xelabara has announced that its appeal for onionhead has been successful. According to Rooney 'Rush' Romero, a spokesperson for the Drug Empire of Xelabara, the faction has received significant quantities of the controversial narcotic over the past week:

"This just goes to show that the demand for onionhead is a strong as ever, despite the Federation's attempts to quash it. I want to say a big thank you to all the traders who made the journey to Xelabara, and to all the pilots who helped clear the pirates from our spaceways. You guys rock!"

Romero announced that all those who contributed to the appeal could collect their rewards from Navigator Market in Xelabara.

Commemorative Space Race

To commemorate 'Star Wars', the classic audiovisual entertainment series of the 20th and 21st century, the Buckyball Racing Club, sponsored by Leesti Azure Milk, presents the first part of a new galactic race, the Kessel Run.

The race runs from the 31st of October 3301, 00:00 GMT, to the 15th of November 3301, 23:59 GMT. It will begin at George Lucas station in Leesti and end in the Jabbah system, a few hundred light years outside the bubble. Between start and finish, participants must dock at every station and outpost named 'Kessel' in any order they desire.

There will be three racing classes: Regulation Solo Sidewinder, Regulation Solo Cobra Mk III, and the Open Unlimited Spec class.

Commander Stern Winter

Appeal for Aganippe Rush Comes to an End

The Revolutionary Noti Value Party, a group based in the Noti system, recently issued an open contract for Aganippe Rush, a rare commodity found only in the Aganippe system. Although the faction chose not to publicise the reason for the request, the response was positive, with hundreds of independent pilots making the journey to Aganippe to gather quantities of the unusual commodity. Authorities at Weber Gateway, were the deliveries were taken, even had to take on additional staff to deal with the influx of trade ships.

A spokesperson for the Revolutionary Noti Value Party released a brief statement:

"We are extremely grateful to everyone who contributed to this initiative. Aganippe Rush is not a widely available commodity, and we appreciate the lengths pilots went to in order to deliver it to us at Weber Gateway."

The Revolutionary Noti Value Party was asked to elaborate on the reason for its request, but the organisation declined to respond.

Federal Times Reporter Lends Weight to 'Master Chef' Story

Earlier today, an anonymous message was delivered to a number of news feeds claiming that secret genetic experiments were being conducted in the Noti system. Many commentators dismissed the message as a hoax, but now it seems the claims may have a basis in reality. Marc Garfield, a reporter for the Federal Times, has allegedly seen the so-called 'master chefs' first hand, and the encounter clearly made an impression:

"There's a secret training facility at Weber Gateway – I managed to sneak in through an air vent. In one room I saw a bunch of slaves chopping vegetables, blindfolded, while a deafening alarm went off. If the slaves dropped below a certain rate of efficiency or precision, they were given an electric shock. In another room they were navigating an assault course while making a soufflé. At least I think it was a soufflé – I'm not an expert. I've never seen anything like it."

Garfield is a respected journalist, and his testimony lends considerable credibility to the 'master chef' story. The journalist also claims that the appeal from the Revolutionary Noti Value Party for Aganippe Rush has been coordinated by the organisation that created the master chefs, and he has suggested that the appeal may be part of an initiative to bring the gourmet slaves to market as a tradable commodity.