A Flawed Perspective
22 Dec 2024Kasumi Goto
Public log entry
December 22, 3310
So, hi. Kasumi, again.
I thought, I would go over some things, and my last - public - log another time. Because... to be honest, I don't know if I like how I made it turn out. I had a lot on, and in, my mind, because of all the events around Sol and the attack on the Titan that was going on at the time. But the noise has now mostly cleared up, so I can hopefully think a little better and straighter again. And I want to clarify what I said, or just add some more thinking to it.
A recap, I think, isn't necessary - at least, for its entirety, as I did only publish those ponderings maybe, about a week ago. But, if you haven't read it and don't want to, or don't remember, it was mostly about the strange noise which the Titan wrecks began emitting recently. I can't say exactly when it started happening, but I do know it was only discovered on Monday - the 16th, not this upcoming one. And... I believe I looked at it wrong.
In what way? Simply, too 'human' of a perspective. Or too human-centric. A flaw which can still occur to me, even when I am, on the organic or biological level, no longer entirely human - and no, I don't care much to still keep that a secret. Thank you very much, it doesn't change who I am on the inside.
Anyway, the point. I originally thought this signal was for humans, or directed at them, not that I'm sure what led me to this conclusion... possibly, the sensations which it stirred within me when I 'heard' it. Apparently, there's an image hidden within it, which shows eight spirals heading inward - maybe, if the interpretation is correct, and fourteen human figures, arranged in a pyramidal shape of two, four and then eight, always a pair of male and female. What does it mean? I don't have the slightest clue, as its meaning is not something I 'got' when I "felt" it, and I haven't found this for myself either... probably, just from a lack of trying.
But regardless of what's in it, I don't think this is actually directed at humans. Or even meant for us, but for the Thargoids, instead. I am only guessing that it began either when Cocijo arrived or its forces - supposedly - began to run out. Whichever it might be, it seems like no coincidence to me it only started recently, and the fact I couldn't 'hear' it at the Titan itself while it remained active makes me think it was not the sender either. Supposedly Cocijo's wreck has become accessible much faster than expected, and is also making those same unsettling sounds.
But who was it, then... I cannot say. Maybe it was simply the order to investigate the system which they suspected we originate from - and they probably know that for certain now - which some functional remnants of the dead Titans are broadcasting. I certainly still hope that it has nothing to do with the captives, and it's what I suspect right now. Time will tell if that's correct, or not...
And on the subject of odd Titan signals, a lot of people probably noticed that Cocijo produced some odd noise when it was destroyed. Being able to 'sense' what I do, I can tell you that it wasn't just some sensor malfunction creating a lot of artificial noise. When it 'died', the Titan didn't just 'fade' like I felt the others, but it sent out some kind of pulse, a transmission I believe. To somewhere beyond human space. But the worse part is that it wasn't just that. After a short moment of silence, there was another sort of signal burst, which had some similar sounds to the Titan's, yet was not the same. I think something answered it. I told Aegis that, too, of course, but they have nothing more on this yet either. I'm sure they will say something in time.
I don't want to alarm people unnecessarily, especially while we are enjoying some respite from two years of war against a Thargoid invasion force, but I am even more convinced whatever the Titan came to Sol for was not simply to destroy. They looked for something, whatever that might be, and I suspect they found it. Or at least where, if it's a physical object or some location they were after, and they're probably going to come back for it. So we might have won this battle, maybe even partly just because they weren't willing to commit too much to it, but the war... I don't think the war's over.
And what kind of victory was it anyway? Billions were moved out of their homes for it, temporarily or permanently if they didn't wish to return, and I don't know how many died throughout these two years. Not to mention all the abducted which the Thargoids might have moved off the Titans and to somewhere humans will never be able to get them back from, before anyone had a chance to rescue them. It doesn't help, knowing that our short-term, and maybe also short-sighted, approach, might well just end up making it even worse. But it feels like barely anybody listens - actually listens - to what I say and just handwaves me off claiming "We need to first stop Thargoids from shooting, killing and abducting so the researchers can do their work without the worry of getting blasted". Then they get annoyed when I insist and say I'm telling it all to the wrong person. The higher-ups aren't going to change their approach based on the whims of one person, no matter how much they might be able to provide on the Thargoids - so who else am I supposed to tell that?
Dead wrecks don't talk. Yes, I know, the Titan ones kind of do right now, but we're struggling to figure out even the basic meaning of it for a species that barely uses spoken language any longer, and likely uses imagery and other means to do it more, instead. But when they do show up and provide better clues through their direct actions, everyone starts panicking, shouting and grabbing guns while leaving nothing for the research to do except more shattered remains to comb through in the vague hope of finding some kind of clue. Then the cycle begins again... however long after. So you've solved nothing and actually just condemned millions or billions more humans to find themselves on casualty reports because you had to stop more from dying now.
Is that how you want the remainder of your life and possibly that of your children to go? Because the Thargoids could do this for a lot longer than we would be able to. Especially once we run out of ideas how to adapt Guardian things to keep us from being horribly overwhelmed.
... anyway. For what I've been doing, I'm now a few thousand light years away from Sol. Just be away from it all for a while, just me and my ship. The noise remains quiet, too, for the time being... but that's only because they are planning, if my past experiences are anything to go by. I should really make the best use of the respite everyone has from the constant warfare, but something about it just doesn't quite feel right, being out here while knowing that it's not over yet. But at the same time, there is little I could do, so I just try to keep my thoughts off it and enjoy the calm out here. It do is nice, and just cataloguing alien plants and bacteria or mapping out planets is not very stressful. Try to land on planets when I call it a day, too, just to have that feeling of gravity on the body... even if not all my reasons for feeling gravity on it are entirely rational. They should be obvious if the Pilot's Federation finally stops delaying to update the profile they have on me. I swear they do it on purpose.
I also finally got to catch an 'old' friend on a comms channel for once. As old as they can be when I've only made ones after losing memories twice and would not know if I had any proper ones before this mess that's been my life for the last two years... I guess, it's been nice, even if the exchange has been mostly superficial and I got annoyed at somebody spilling a secret I hoped to reveal myself, rather than by a third person.
But I guess I wouldn't be here if life always went the way that I want it to. Anyway, that is enough for this one. Remember to look for odd Thargoid activity, they're still out there. And to look for ways to stop this conflict from continually escalating into worse and worse violence. Otherwise... well, I'll just say, no one wants the last day they read a log on, to be long before a death of natural causes.
And no, I am absolutely not getting involved in that political squabbling nonsense when I return. Especially with the stupidity that is apparently set to kick off soon around Sol, when the stations (in)formally conclude their repair process or at least got far enough to make the system open to regular business again - as if getting terrorized by a Titan wasn't bad enough for the local population already. Now they have the hawks looming over their heads instead.
Aren't we a great species?