Unguided, 12: In Search of My Soul
01 Apr 2021Meowers
( 01.04.3307 )
( Komotae )
It feels like I just kind of fell away from all the hustle during the last few days, but who's going to judge me? There's always so much to choose from, those people just keep fighting each other in all sorts of local skirmishes over any reason, so I'll never lose my job and skills. Just hey, I can open one of the several information sources to dig up some intel and go kick arse anywhere I want, at any time. So there'll be none of the regular usual 'war diaries' today.
GalNet has been booming with news last week or so. Feds are turning their space into some police state, missing ACT agent found dead with her ship shot down, Empire strikes back at the Neo-Marlinists, both sides seeking help from private vessel pilots... Screw them all. Those superpowers had started another game to keep people angry and patriotic enough and thus easily controlled. Screw them all, again.
And there are some new equipment tests - science teams finally came up with suits that can withstand any planetary conditions and grant on-foot mobility almost everywhere. Um, well, maybe except stars, gas giants, water worlds, lava worlds and pure vacuum. Quite interesting. But it's still a test, a raw, unfinished product, that can get you barbequed, turned into an ice cream, electrocuted, sucked out into space, irradiated to the point where your crap starts to glow, everything else funny to see, but not always safe to perform. 'Don't try this at home'. But the whole idea is awesome. I'll certainly grab myself one of these as soon as they're ready for mass-production, and anyway, all the storages on my ships should be upgraded to fit this gear and charging devices inside.
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I have to care about myself first. And the people I care about, if there are any at all, hah. Not that I'm turning away from my cause, but... If I overstrain myself too much, devote myself completely to helping various random folks in their struggles, there wouldn't be much of 'me' soon. Don't like the idea of becoming a weapon, no matter how advanced my target-seeking algorithms might be. Fights don't seem to stop within my lifetime, so I need a relief too. I deserved that.
So I landed in a sunset zone on a nameless planet with mild gravity, made a cup of warm tea and then put any unnecessary systems offline, except third-party comm terminal and music system, that I had set to play something calm, faraway dreamy and relaxing from my old collection that I keep with me through years. To see and hear nothing but pleasant music vibes and the wonderful sunset. To switch off all that's bothering, close my eyes and set myself floating in this cosy and filling light, feeling the soothing warmth enveloping my body. To ease the mind and mend the scars on my soul.
A few moments of serenity to keep myself up, safe and sound. To remember that I'm alive, I can feel, can be inspired, can draw vivid pictures of my own happy tomorrow in my imagination. That I'm allowed to have my dreams, and let them be stupid, naive and anything but possible, they are mine own, they make me slowly close my eyes and smile. They make me cherish my life, no matter what's happening around, they actually make me try living. To remind me that my hands can hold, can embrace, can give warmth and comfort, they are soft skin, not only flightsuit gloves. That I have a heart and a soul. They are forgotten so many times even by me, but yet there they are.
And this yellowy-gold blinking light on the third-party comms, must be a notification. Hope it's a message from that nice woman with whom I've been texting for the last dozen of days, so this moment would be even more pleasant.
Yup, it's her.
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Next part: #13: What They Won't Say
Next part: #13: What They Won't Say