Logbook entry

Unguided, 14: Love the Seconds After

19 Apr 2021Meowers


( 18.04.3307 )
( Meliae )


So, okay, let's talk about anticipation. Had you experienced that sudden feeling some morning one day that your evening is going to be fine? Like... "Yeah, I know it, there's an awesome thing awaiting me this day"? Well, not like deliberately putting yourself in that mood, but just feeling it somewhere in the background? Perhaps. So that was my one feeling today. A long-awaited kind, to say!

My previous days were a complete mess, I lost any track of what was done, the missions, the places, the people that I contacted to sort out these contracts, everything, it just turned into some weird rollercoaster going through several systems, from station to station. Anyway, yeah, I'm known (maybe, hah) for taking the situation at hand close to my heart, but this time I just... cut myself off this. Like, I'm still doing the good things and helping people with their local conflict stuff, keeping them safe and sound and blah-blah-blah... But the nature, the reasons for these conflicts weren't bothering me this time. Too many various folks fighting their local scuffles over completely unremarkable places that look all the same dull. With too much of 'rushing forward' on my side here. Hah, does that make me a professional of some sort, or what? Nevermind.

And I was too eager to hit the last mark, so that I could rest longer at last. Change the pace. No, not that I'm one of your usual 'rank boasting' types of people... Just, I'm going to hit it eventually thanks to what I do in general, and if I can push a bit and do it now, then why shouldn't I try, you know? Like... For a 'sense of accomplishment'. A reason to justify your willingness to chill out a bit. But justifying it for yourself, not anyone else, phah. So I got those people at Pilots Federation busy counting my kill tally and calculating the combat rating, which was going closer and closer to the Elite mark, day by day, hour by hour. And only a few points were left this morning, and I was already imagining the pictures about how I'm going to celebrate it and enjoy a well-deserved rest afterwards. So yeah, the anticipation!


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I was going into this one knowing it'll be the last for a certain several weeks. Me, and Marshmallow, we both had to do our best here. So I pushed the button on the sound system panel to squeeze all the volume out of it, to let the beats shake my body and let my blood run hot. To feel my own heartbeat. To light up some sparks in my eyes. And to make them hella bright! Just right for this predatory smirk, hah. Radio chatter? Screw it, I know when I'm at my top, stand aside, going in!

Who's first? Yeah, that Asp. Sure a good thing to play with, like... Hi! It's me! Yeah! Look at me! Now I'm right above you, and then... A slight circular move, and... Hey! I'm now right behind! And another circle around, and... Now I'm in front, see me now! How do you like that? Yeah, boom!

Then this Vulture. Hey, come on, I know your soft spots! Trying to run? Hah, little funny thing, come ooon, let's play! To the left, to the right, and turn around, yeah, I like that, could do that... Boom! Ah, okay!

And then.. Ouch! Who was that? Viper with railguns? Hey, you know I don't like when someone's pinching me? So get here, and... okaaay, you want to play some head-ons? Hell yeah the right mood! Blam! Another one? Here you go, blam! Yeeeah that shakes right!

Oh, wow, a T-10 now, at 4 km, you're getting serious, don't ya? Then look at this, here I come, right above you, I'm falling down on you, drawing spirals, firing cannons, claws out, you better don't move and be amazed! And then the plasma charge - right to the spot, I know where your heart is - boom! That's what I call serious!

And then target another! Who's that? Ah, I don't care! I know what to do! Bang! And right through the explosion, fire, debris, and this wave of heat right into my face, yeah, like that feeling! That's awesome!.. Come on, give me another one right now! Yeah, let it be that Python, and then let the boost push me into the seat! Ready or not, here I come! And another boost, drawing a circle to drop right behind it, yeah! Cannons armed, aimed, firing!.. Boom! Next one! Aw, this one is unshielded already... Bang! Neeext... Oh, you cute little thing, come to me... Boom! Shit that's awesome, more! Yeah, this one... 8 km, come on, don't make me wait so long! God, how do I love this... Just like I'm burning inside, and the heartbeat, yeah! Aw, stop right there you... Boom! Yeah! More! Come on, it's almost... Yeah, I'm right behind you, can't you see? Boom! Ha! And go to hell! Shit, I need more, just maybe one... Yeah, this one... Now, fire the plasma! Yeah, got it, now once more! Ha! Nailed it! Nailed it right away! Here's another one! Just don't stop! Don't stop it, dammit! Ah, what's this a... a?!

Yup, that's it! Yeah! I'm Elite now. Yeeeeah!.. Shiiiit... Yeah, goddammit!

Wow, damn!.. Gotta mute the music, that's a little bit too much... That's right, just drop back into the seat like this, arms hanging from the sides... Ah, the controls... Yup, just let us float somewhere, we're already far enough, aren't we? Sensors are silent, ah, that's good for now... Yeah, right, that feels daaaamn gooood... Hah, my eyes are closing on their own. Just... have to catch my breath now... And this heartbeat, still so heavy... And the blood is hot, these waves within, they just keep coming... Ah, wow... Am I shivering? Everything's so blurred... Hah! Damn, just can't open my eyes propetly, that tremor... Ah, forget it, I'll just be here like this... A few moments more... Wow...

What's... 'won'? Ah, okay, couldn't be the other way... And another message... Umm, let me just be like this a bit...

Damn, a few seconds more... Breath is still a bit... Ah, okay. Anyway, I have to move somewhere...

Well... Now I'll just scrape this ecstatic-excited-exhausted mess of myself out of the pilot seat, have to put it together so I could actually control the ship... Gotta land somewhere, I don't care. Hah, still can't feel the fingertips right... Perhaps I should try going to Komotae, just to ram the pillows in the living cabin and not bother about... Yeah, a few jumps here, I could... I'll do it, great, surely beats dropping hell knows where... Just land there, make it to the cabin and drop... Nah, shower first...

So, what can I say now?..

I love the seconds after.

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Next part: #15: Everybody Does It
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