Unguided, 20: Still Searching
08 Aug 2021Meowers
( 08.08.3307 )
( Doris - Amuzgo - Kuwembaa )
You probably know that hundreds, thousands years ago humankind was limited to only one planet, the Earth. People of that era hardly had a chance to see the stars, the Universe, but now it's not just possible, it has become an ordinary sight. And if you're a pilot, then the stars are what you look at most of the time. And, what's more interesting, they look at you too. See, space is full of different entities. Big and small. And they all interact, each one having its force and direction. The laws of Life do not only make life possible at all, but also describable, understandable in all its chaos. Space may be boundless, immeasurable, frighteningly immortal, but every little spark has its meaning and its significance.
And when you look at the Universe, it asks you: "Why are you here?". "What meaning do you have?". "Who are you?". Not by words, but by giving you a choice. A chance to plot your own way. Dozens of options. And every step you take brings you closer to the answer. Universe won't listen to you, it cannot, but the most important matter here: you can. You can see what you may become, given a freedom of actions.
You're just out of that small tailored training ground? "Who are you? Who are you going to be?". And you reply with your actions. Each day from now on. Even the ship that you choose for yourself, and the kind of activity you perform daily. You open the Mission Board, the Trading or Cartography terminals to hear that "Who are you?", hidden beneath the lines. And you want to hear that question. Because it's your possibility to become someone. And it's your time to make a reply. Your time to choose. To finally discover who you want to be, in this Universe.
(A photo of me, piloting)
Ah, philosophising me again. Who cares when so many people just don't care? They want 'the best', or 'the optimal', hardly knowing what this 'best' is, literally. So, here goes the popular opinion. We have thousands of thousands rushing down the beaten path of 'success' of obtaining the most expensive stuff only to see that they're still ones of thousands. There's no princess in a castle for you. And no castles, to be honest. And no dragons. There's still you, the most common and non-special you, and the stars. I can see that disappointment.
But I doubt even having a 'LIVE IT, DON'T TRY TO BEAT IT' billboard on every single station could change something.
And, with so many people craving for goodiez, it's so easy to become a professional wandering bootlicker. Just look at those folks, they'll pledge themselves to any goddamn rubbish bin of a person if it gives them that tiny extra something.
Feds? Imps? Alliance? All the same crap. Corrupted pompous arseholes, thriving on squeezing their people dry, just the rituals of the elites and the ways to enslave people are looking different from the outside. And they're constantly 'expanding', trying to grab their piece of independent worlds. Yeah, little local societies can be nowhere near being happy, but hey, they're trying to build something of their own. And nobody becomes happier by having more taxes to pay for hell knows what. Oh, except that "pay up or die" coming from enforcers knocking on their doors. Do their leaders even know what's happening on the outskirts, do they even pay attention to something more than numbers, reflecting their power and profits? I highly doubt it.
Aw, they don't like me either. How touching!
(A little personal achievement of being completely hated by the superpowers)
Yeah, these political topics and local wars, supporting independent folks, helping them to stand their ground. Things that I started to do as soon as I could and as soon as I figured out how politics works up here, in space. Maybe someone even started reading my logbook thanks to those shootouts and my frontline reports, with some weird jokes included, of course. So, hah, looks like I made myself some kind of reputation.
But what if that was... A subconscious choice? An automatic, well-prepared, long-expected reply, when Universe asked me the same question? I didn't hesitate, it was ready to be spoken out loud. Perhaps. Who knows. I guess there's no reason to dig deeper, uncovering the past, already knowing this part of the answer, when there's still some future ahead.
And wherever my path takes me, I'm ready.
Even if I still don't know who I am.
"A pedantic description of some repetitive process probably won't be much of a breathtaking", the very first line that was put into the logs in February. And wow wow how I was right with that one. So... This entry concludes the 'chronicles' narrative, which I decided to end on that note, that little 'achievement' of my own. Yeah, it's temporary, but now that moment is in my memory and it's awesome. What more to ask for?
Honestly, there's not much left to write about. If I don't want to fall down into a bog of repeating or rearranging the same words to describe some event that looks like hundreds of similar events happened before, as you may see. I'm not a professional writer and unlikely to become one, so it's harder and harder to catch those ideas, especially if it's all about things done in a routine way. While maintaining proper quality. Of course I'm not putting an end to writing more of that stuff, because who knows what kind of event might happen tomorrow? They just aren't the main story driving force from now on, as they clearly became the story slowing force, hah.
Now, arranged under one title, a bunch of vaguely connected logs became a kind of 'series' about... Nothing in particular. Chronicles, as is. Yet there's much of 'me' in these texts. Thoughts, opinions, experiences. And some weird jokes from time to time. I enjoyed writing them and hope you enjoyed reading them as well, as I'm always trying to follow the simple rule of not publishing what I don't like personally. So let them be that way.
And it's a nice background for any upcoming stories. Actually, I already have some ideas and sketches waiting to be written properly, but wanted to finish this part first, to prevent mixing up and messing up. Some of them are far more serious, some of them are pretending to be funny, they aren't connected with each other, but... Life has its contrasts. So let them be like that too.
So, thank you for reading all that. And a big thank you to anyone who ever put a Shiny on any of my entries, maybe some of you even subscribed to me, and there are some people reading everything or almost everything from me... Thank you. From the very heart.
And a special, personal thank you to one who knows what's happening beyond the stories, for listening to me, understanding and supporting me. And for some ideas. And sincerity. And for... well, everything, you know. :3