Duty, 35: A Sunset That Meant Tomorrow
12 Apr 2023Meowers
Ah, hello. I'm still alive, hah. Finally, things began to happen. A bunch of messages from the outside made it to the command centre; both from the group of local traders and the AXDF. Apparently, they've not only found a place where to move all those people, but also purchased some equipment to increase ships' durability and jump range, in order to break out of the blockade. Weren't exactly ready to move out now, the new place wasn't prepared yet, but, after the latest report, they formed a fleet and planned a departure within a few hours. Timely, I'd say.
What does it mean for us? We have to escort those ships as soon as they enter the system and cover them all the way through the boarding and takeoff. No doubt the green bastards are on their guard. AXDF will send one escort wing, however, you may guess, they're going to need all the support we can provide. What does it mean for the town? Civilians should pack their stuff and concentrate closer to the landing area. And also, one for me personally... I should help the techs with giving our equipment lists another review. A few spaceworthy transports here, a few transports in the incoming group, all listed modules added, non-essential stuff removed... How many people can they take in their first run? Or, to be more correct, how many people should be given first-aid kits and portable launchers instead of a ticket to safety?
Maybe I'll start putting more trust in people. One day. That Fed refugee camp... They're all military personnel, trained to some extent, and looks like they kept some kind of discipline even being separated from the Federation. So, their senior officer came to us today, saying, like, if we're up to closing up shop and moving, they will be glad to play their part, leaving with the last transport. They're no AX pilots, but they know what to do with medkits and personal weapons, and launching missiles at the Thargoids does really look like doing the same to ships. Of course we weren't going to leave them behind, no matter what kind of tensions they may have with the locals, but they've had their share of trouble already. And, despite that, they're willing to help us.
The Thargoids were awfully silent after the last battle. We should use that time... We won, but, with such heavy losses we can't afford to have another fight like that. We can't stop them. Period.
I mean... Just look at all those people. I saw them frightened, I saw them energised, I saw a spark of hope in their eyes, but now... They're simply exhausted. Tired of everything. Especially of the funerals that are daily now. I can't remember last time when I heard some small chit-chats, the mess is mostly empty, people just take their stuff to eat in the hangars, and even the town itself... A view from the window can tell you enough. Like, all those cafés and little shops are closed, all other public places are barely visited by anybody, every activity is limited to the critical things only. And, at nights, the town already looks... abandoned. And terribly silent. Less like a town, more like a besieged fortress, with AA turrets constantly scanning the skies, and people, constantly waiting for an alarm signal.
Sixteen thousand. Almost. Fifteen and seven hundred. These are the numbers. Yeah. The transports can't take everyone, even if we put people standing on each other's heads and limit the cargo to the very essentials, forcing them to sleep on the open air on their first night at the new place. And I highly doubt we can arrange more than two runs. Shit. I really hope this newly discovered spot is warm enough. Damn romantic.
But... What else can I do, dammit? What more can I do? At least we know our next steps, and that's... We really can't ask for more these days. So, the announcement we've broadcasted from our HQ was effectively a signal for an evac preparations. We're going use all transport ships we've got in the first run, and then the second group will be comprised of the less damaged half, to rescue remaining people. Damaged, but still spaceworthy ships will be used to bring emergency supplies to the new encampment.
It was evening by the local time when we finished our calculations and I walked out of the command centre.
"Hell of a relief, isn't it?"
Mion. Apparently, she's been waiting for me on the bench nearby.
"Let's head to the park for a little," she said. "Or... Shall I go totally formal now and ask for a permission?"
I let out a brief laughter and waved my hand, like, don't even worry about it.
"There are... some words that I wanted to say," she continued, standing next to me and speaking quietly. It even surprised me a little. "And I gave myself a promise to do that in the park. Who knows... When will there be another chance to see it. And... You're the perfect person to hear these words from me."
This place might've been looking quite plain from an outsider's view, a random motley group of trees with some lunch tables and benches here and there, connected by narrow, unpaved walkways, however... Mion told me that the park was laid out by the first, the oldest wave of settlers, almost a century ago, and those trees aren't native to the planet. The seeds were brought here from dozens of worlds the first inhabitants came from, and, until recently, local traders had an informal tradition of bringing more seeds which can possibly grow up and thrive here, on this planet and in this climate. She showed me a few pictures from a local archive, made decades ago, when the trees, and the park itself, were much smaller.
"I hope, one day, we get the chance to return here".
Building something, caring for something, being devoted to something, year after year, decade after decade... Is that what the word 'home' means? Maybe...
"You", Mion suddenly stopped when we reached the far end of the park; she grabbed my hand and put her other hand on my shoulder. "You slow. I'm out of hints already. So, I was about to say... I've got my eyes on you for a long time, and we know quite a bit about each other. You... You know what made me who I am. You seem to understand me like nobody else. And... I really hope we're going to survive what's yet to come. So, if we survive, I'd like to... Be together with you. Even as friends. But I'd like to... Get the most of it. You and me."
Hah. Yup, I've had a bit of an anticipation. Honestly, for a couple of months already, I've been thinking about having... a bit more personal relationships with her. Well. More, about chances to have them. And about all the stuff that might get in the way. Still couldn't find the most accurate answer. And, a part of me kept thinking it's not the time, not the place and other 'nots' to even include it in my recordings. So, instead of kicking my thoughts back and forth alone, I decided to let her know what's on my mind.
Like... For a long time, for several years maybe, I haven't thought about seriously considering myself someone's partner. I'm... terribly broken. I can't express emotions properly since I barely have any, and the ones I certainly have, the ones that emerge in my nightmares, I'd really like to forget. I've seen people leaving, abandoning me too many times to believe that someone else is going to stay willingly, and there are thousands of people who are better than me at everything that I can do. Better options to choose from. I've seen enough of deceit, of falseness, of twisted human nature to develop a trust, to invest into building an attachment. To rely on someone. To believe that I'm not going to be left alone again. It's not easy for me to imagine, to internalise that someone may think of me more than of anything and anyone else, that I may have a meaning for someone, personally, because I still can't find any meaning in myself, as a person, not as a function. And I don't want to burden someone else with my problems. To make someone regret her choice after realising what kind of a mess I am.
Not to mention kids, hah. Certainly not my option, and it's not going to change even if I fix my damn head by some wonder. Just... No.
And, as for the relationships... All I ask for, all I may want, are trust and openness, so that being good friends is more important than being some kind of a conventional lovely couple. Just... Two independent women who have chosen to be together because they like it, who think of each other and have faith in each other. Almost everything else is optional. I'm even okay with the idea of seeing each other once in a few months. So, that's the problem, as it's difficult for me to imagine a possibility of someone accepting that, accepting me, and not stopping unexpectedly at some point, for any reason.
I serve in AXDF anyway. Who knows where they may send me. Like, we might enjoy a few nights together, but thinking about something more? Seems too optimistic for me, and I don't want to feed her any false hopes, out of respect.
"Phah, you...", she grabbed my shoulder a little stronger and shook me, "I can totally relate to, or at least understand the most of your points. Don't think I'm forcing you, just say 'yes' or 'no' when you've made up your mind. And... We still have stuff to do today. But, before we return to our hard arse mode, I want you to know that... With everything you said, I agree."
Was that... a relief to hear? I cannot really describe. I was ready for literally anything else. But I certainly felt something at that moment. Something almost forgotten, something that I can hardly recall and put into words.
Mion raised her head and our eyes met once more. Yeah, we still had some work to do today... Although, I couldn't help but pull her a little closer and give her a kiss.
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