Duty, 39: Death's Gaze
25 Apr 2023Meowers
So, yeah... That was it. We dropped from the cruise mode and began marking our targets. I locked on the Hydra, of course, and the rest of the pilots were going for Medusas. There were nine of us and seven of them, I gave an order to go one on one, and the remaining two pilots were to stick together and assist someone until the destruction of their target. So that, in theory, we could diminish their numbers faster, compensating the fatigue and ship damage, and those who struggle with fighting Medusas could hold on and wait for the help.
I hit the boosters and began my first attacking run, closing in a slightly arced trajectory, keeping out of its sights, activating the heatsink when I got closer. Damn those bastards are tough as hell. I had to lay all the hate on it only to light the heart up. And that additional shielding layer of... Petals, limbs, tentacles, whatever stuff, makes everything even more difficult, Gauss rounds have to punch through. When the first one out of eight went boom, one of my heatsink dispensers was already malfunctioning and some annoying holes were decorating my hull. Though, first two are always the most difficult. If you can destroy them with your ship remaining in a fighting shape, then that means you can win the fight. In theory.
Yeah, Medusas were too mean for the resistance folks to go one on one, but I knew that. They were there to harass them, to annoy them and keep them agitated, not giving them a chance to catch up with each other and attack aggressively. So, at the moment when I got the second Hydra's heart, one of its suckers, the one that was attacked by three pilots, was about to crack already.
"Transports took off, Thargoids are chasing us, 12 km away, ready to break formation and engage," a report from Mion. Glad they finished already, no Thargoids over the town, no damage to the buildings.
That bastard hit my cooling system when I was at its third heart, damn. Not so critical, but nonetheless. Marshmallow had enough coolant to hold on for almost an hour having a leak like that. Though that also meant I had to use more heatsinks, and they aren't endless. Wasn't planning to stick there for too long anyway, hah. With one of the Medusas off the board, another one had to deal with four pilots at once. And fighting a Hydra alone... That's a rite of passage, of sorts. You have to concentrate all your skills, all your abilities, all your knowledge, you have to know your ship like the back of your hand, what it can do and what it can not. And you have to know your enemy. And don't be afraid of it. Mistakes are damn costly and the fight is long, you don't want to stack them up. Thankfully, it seemed like I was the right person to do it. And... I personally knew some people who were now dead because of that arsehole. Good people. That shit got Matthew. Diane from anti-Scouts too, probably. Many other pilots. So, it should've been a day of revenge, no other options. I didn't tell that to my pilots, but I was going for the kill.
Things like that can't go too smooth... One of the locals made a mistake, going too close. Was hit by an electric attack. On a good ship, and dealing some damage to light the heart up, you can turn that in your favour though... That wasn't the case. Told him to retreat, but... You can guess, with your thrusters almost out and systems glitching, you're a sitting duck. In a few seconds his Chieftain suffered so much damage that he could barely build up a distance. Then the beast attacked again and ripped his crippled ship to shreds.
"Be careful, some of them retreated, possibly heading your way. Your AXDF pilots are awesome, Thargoids pop like balloons. I think we're halfway already," another report. Yeah, leaving the planet with thick atmosphere has always been a long story. Especially when there's a bunch of Thargoids going for your head. And those AXDF escorts... Two of them were flying Challengers, and those ships aren't being given to green recruits.
But that news, about some of the Thargoids... Yeah, it indicated that we were doing a great job, making those friggin' bastards scared enough. On the other hand, I couldn't just ask our scouts to stop and scan the group, they were already busy playing cat and mouse, keeping their distance, knowing that there's no one free to help them. Told my folks to watch the sensors and be ready to go totally defensive.
And, crap... Seems like I totally forgot about the other signals across the system. The Hydra must've been screaming for help on every one of whatever they have for comm channels. But, what else could I do? I couldn't say a crap like "attack them and be ready for a hundred more materialising around", we were in space, nowhere to hide, no one to rely on except ourselves. Goddammit. Yeah, now it sounds like an attempt to justify myself, to escape the guilt, to... Whatever. Screw it. We had five thousand people to keep safe. Five thousand people who already lost their homes for hell knows how long, and they shouldn't be also put at the risk of death because of those who sworn, and had been ordered to protect, turned out unable to take that risk themselves.
That was... Like the fabric of space was torn apart, distorted, corrupted everywhere around us, with Thargoid ships appearing from nowhere, one by one, endlessly. Everywhere. Roaring. Those beasts can roar even in open space, hell knows what kind of tech they're using. And their roar, with so many of them around, it was... Resonating, causing your entire body to vibrate in an uncontrollable tremor. Forcing your survival instinct to cry, your soul to slowly dissipate and your will to crumble. Making you think that you're already dead, and all that being your personal purgatory. I've heard someone screaming on the comms, but couldn't tell who it was, my systems were glitching insanely. Some of them activated their EMP field emitters, and not just all of them at once... But in order. Coordinated. To make sure that we can't escape far enough, and our neutralisers can't keep working for that long.
That's how they got Hans. With his ship being constantly disabled by those pulses and the Thargoids swarming all over him. One of the locals tried to hit the boosters and let the inertia forces to drag their ship away, but... The Thargoids were appearing simply everywhere, on the trajectory included. The fifth Hydra's heart was taken with a couple of Basilisks already dancing around me, making me watch the sensors and turn my head left and right more than aiming. All my tactics... Fell apart. The sensors were getting more and more red every single minute. Commanded my pilots to go defensive and evade everything that moves, we still had to hold on for a little more...
"Transports are in their firing range, but we're holding on. Just a few more minutes. Lost two of mine, yours are fighting well," Mion reported. Nervously. Shit. With so many of them around, escorts didn't have the luxury of choosing strategies.
Lit up the sixth heart, with... I can't even tell now with how many more of them trying to get me. I was constantly in the firing range of at least a couple of them, evading wildly, watching the temperature like it was my own heartbeat, and the tracers of their shots... They were simply all around me. I didn't need the sensors anymore, the Thargoids were everywhere, and my pilots were where those shots converged. Desperately fighting for their lives.
I tried to hail David, several times, to tell him that we should ditch the initial plan. No response. No success with searching his ship on the sensors either... Dammit. If they got him finally... How did I missed that? A power plant critical failure again? Shit. Commanded the remaining pilots to spread out, run away and start dropping heatsinks one after another, evading everything and keeping their trajectories as chaotic as possible. Just... To run away. Easier said than done, finding a path around so many of them... Yeah. The battle was lost already. At least I hoped we bought enough time and, disengaging us, these Thargoids didn't have enough of it to reach the evac group.
Shit. Saw Peter's ship catching fire and boosting right into the nearest damaged Medusa. Dammit, you just could... Damn. What exactly he could? Could he manage the power and isolate the air supply of damaged sections, being continuously shot at? Could he disable the fuel lines to the damaged thrusters, losing speed in a middle of a hell? Damn it, Peter, I've never been able to figure out what drove you, what made you go through all this only to volunteer to join my group on your last day.
So... That's how I lost my entire wing. Should I've given the order to retreat sooner? Like... I don't know. I can't say for sure. Transports were still about halfway when they started appearing. And, after they started appearing, it was all over for us, one minute more, one minute less, no difference.
I've still had some fight left in me. Tech panel was covering with yellows, then slowly with oranges... But no reds so far. And I got the seventh heart, being satisfied by the pained, hopeless roar of the mighty beast. All the pain it inflicted was now returning to it. With all the deaths it caused, I was the one to put an end to it, to let this bastard know what dying really feels like.
Sorry, pathetic friggin' losers. I knew, I goddamn knew they have something like our threat gauge. And I was just friggin' off the scale for them. "Attack her with everything you got". Shitty sorry pricks. They had to throw a shitload of meat at us, everything they had in the system, even leaving the transports, to make sure they're going to finally get us. And they were still getting hurt and killed. When our scientists invent a thing to talk with them, those green arse dimwits are so going to enjoy looking at my middle finger all day long.
Two resistance pilots tried to stick close to each other... They were friends, probably, or something like that, I don't know. When one of them got hit, another one tried to retaliate, turning around, firing at the Thargoid vessel that caused the damage... Anyhow, they lost their momentum and were overwhelmed instantly. And that mercenary tried to do the same thing, charging wildly, firing at every single beast, even when both their ships began falling apart. Why, just... Ah. I know why. That's our human blessing and curse, to care about each other. To forget about yourself sometimes. Seeing that nothing could be done there, he retreated and... Turned towards me.
Had to yell at that guy. There was no chance for him to stay alive against the bunch of Thargoids I've been tangling with, he was... An okay pilot, but nothing more than okay pilot. And... Damn. I wasn't trying to look like a hero. I wanted to keep him safe and avoid spreading my already overstrained attention. I wanted him to get the hell out of there, alive. He attacked a Basilisk and crippled the arsehole, but... Yeah. One more dead Thargoid, in that case, didn't mean anything. Everything he did only drew more of their attention. Shattering the last, eighth heart of the Hydra, I've tried to help him out, sharply boosting towards his target, disturbingly low on ammo, and, also... Seeing more of them coming.
"Starting our jumping sequence. No more casualties. We're clear. Got a half of them, another half retreated."
I still couldn't save the guy. Another Basilisk separated from a nearby group, turned around and fired a long burst that hit the left thruster block of his Krait. It started to spin out of control, then more of them fired at him, and the internal explosion turned the ship into a wave of metal debris. Damn. And that manoeuver... It cost me much. Yeah, that his sorry loser Basilisk was literally torn apart by the barrage we both unleashed a few seconds ago, managing to die even with them outnumbering us none less than fifteen to one. Though the damn Hydra was still locked on me, and it had enough time to get closer and aim despite the heavy damage. And some other Thargoids that were spinning around me, perhaps. Anyway, that hurts. Several rounds thundered heavily on the starboard side, tech panel covered with red lights, HUD went partially offline and I began turning to the right... Shit. Right engines were hit. Reflexively, I activated a heatsink to disappear from Thargoids' vision and pushed an emergency systems reboot button. Everything around me instantly went dark.
Time felt like a slow, cold and dense liquid. Starscape was silently rotating behind the cracked glass, the battle scene seemed unnaturally distant... Just a moment ago I was in the heat of it, and now, slowly drifting away in a damaged ship, detached, disconnected, I was, like... Watching from the another dimension. Silently. Unable to change anything. Unable to stop that. Unable to put an end to the endless suffering this war brings. And, I saw another explosion... Goodbye, Pamela. And thank you for all you've done. Looks like I was the only one left...
Those moments... They can make you think about 'what could happen next'. And the answer might be 'nothing'. Or 'everything'. Everything you lived for, even if you didn't know it. Depends on your decision. Depends on the perspective, on the point from which you look at things. They can make you re-evaluate... Every single minute of your life. This question haunted me for a long time, for many years. Why do I live? Just..why? What's the reason of surviving through all that? In my past, I liked to think I have nothing to lose, but... Now I realised it also meant I've had nothing to live for. All that crappy stuff that kept happening, chasing me, just, everything. Even my recent years. And I didn't have the answer. Why do I live? What keeps me here? What's the reason for all those challenges I'm going through, without a moment to relax? Without a chance to slow down, drop my guard and find out what life should look and feel like, while you're still young. For a long time, I wanted to throw everything away, to erase my past, to erase my present, to forget about any future, to become a faceless, nameless and silent part of the force that does a good, honest thing. A part of the unstoppable machine. So that if I go, no one's heart will be broken, and if I go, doing what I'm supposed to do, someone else will live better than me, longer than me, happier than me. And at that moment, I was the part of that force.
Systems were coming back online... What's on the sensors... It was there, still spinning and shooting wildly, unable to get a solid lock on me, ha, looks like it was really hurt.
Shit, weapons out. Powerplant had some hits too. Shit. Okay, there's enough power for one last boost.
Die, bastard.