Logbook entry

Exposure, 10: The Infallible Option

23 Nov 2023Meowers


Warning: contains adult content.


There's one aspect I particularly like in my day-to-day behaviour... Assuming that I'm not locked up in a besieged town, fighting my way through a horde of angry aliens or being glued to the seat for a damned third day in a row doing some important deep space flying thing with my veins full of caffeine. Maybe it comes with a bit of age and experience. So, I know what I like and what's better for me. And, ending up disconnected from the server, left to myself, to this my new not-quite-real-but-hells-it-does-feel-real body, I didn't dwell over choices. See, I like water, I like warmth, I like feeling cosy and comfy and relaxed, and also I like to be clean and fresh. Showers, bath tubs, that kind of stuff. Tell me there's nothing for me to do for the next couple of days and you're probably going to see me floating for hours.

I didn't want to kill the mood by wasting time on searches either, so I loaded the apartment which I added to my library before. Also, it was already free of any unwanted shite. Except the broken chair maybe. Ah, screw it, I'll get to it later.

That thing was far from being customised in any way, though. And honestly, I didn't want to. So I carefully, head and one shoulder first, then the rest of the body, balancing and clinging on to the door frame, squeezed myself into the bathroom and was greeted by a simplistic, everything you're going to need and nothing more, set of equipment which included an open-top shower cabin made of matte glass, with a sliding door. That mirror over the sink, a funny thing... With my head almost scraping the ceiling, the only part of my body I was able to see there was my legs, phah. Of course I couldn't help but lean forward and take a closer look while also relieving myself of the clothing.

Phah.

Me.

No, not the copy of me, not a picture of me, not a model of me, whatever, but me. My own face, yet a little brighter, a little softer than I was used to seeing it, and virtually the same body which I can't even remember when I paid any attention to. Yet, now... I liked it. Really. The body of a young woman, solidly built, with thick arms and legs, wide hips and shoulders, strong, solidly built... Hey. Hey! If I like mostly the same healthy stuff in other women, then why the heck shouldn't I like that in myself? Not in... That way, though. You know. Phah. But I never thought about it seriously. Like, the aesthetics, not the function only. So, while being obviously... Interested in female body aesthetics, you know, I didn't notice the same thing in myself. Ah, okay, the difference, now, I'm crazy tall. And I like it that way. I have more things I like and also that unknown component I still can't figure out fully, yet... Damn I like being like that!

At first, it felt... Odd. Surprisingly positive, yet odd. As said, I never paid much attention to how it looks, it was just... A machine that I used to do stuff and tried to keep it in a good shape. But, posing naked in front of a mirror, and moreover, enjoying it? Ow, that was something new. Like no, no, don't even think I felt shy or embarrassed or whatever, I mean... I tried it before, years ago, but couldn't figure out why I should even do that, ending up staring at myself standing neutrally every time, with my vision blurred of damned boredom. Like, that's ordinary me, I know everything about myself, why should I even do that. Now? Ooooh, a completely different story.

Even if I had to sit on the floor to see anything in the said mirror, phah.

I enjoyed... Every damn angle. Every move. The very idea of having that sort of fun with a mirror because now I liked how I look. Running a hand through the hair and tilting the head. Gazing playfully with my eyes half-shut and smirking. Giving that stern, intimidating, defiant look and then relaxing and laughing. Flexing my muscles and grinning. Putting my finger to my lips and winking, like, phah, no no no, that's a secret. Making a self-confident, even smug face. Reacting like I've been surprised or curious or wanted to say something really goofy with one eyebrow raised. Smiling widely and happily: and the more I tried, the brighter that smile looked. Even, um, wrapping an arm around my breasts and turning a little, like I tried to hide them, and biting my lower lip. Ah... I swear that last one made me finally lean back, putting my hands on the floor and laugh like crazy, eyes squeezed shut and watering, laugh until I ran out of breath. Happiness.

Like... This life had just shown me its new side, inaccessible before, even unknown, for decades. And I liked it. Oh the friggin' bloody hells I liked it!

Caught my breath finally, holding onto the sink, and got back on my feet, to... Squeeze myself into the shower cabin the same way I did with other doors. Needless to say, I couldn't really turn or bend or even move properly, and the shower head was hanging just a little above my chest. But, hey, I'm not the one to falter in the face of a challenge! Especially if I created it myself... Phah. So the solution was simple, and maybe also the only one available: sitting on the cabin floor with both legs tucked underneath. I set up the temperature and turned the shower on.

Myriads of clear droplets poured from above and I lowered my head, still chuckling quietly between breaths; I stared at my own legs, my eyes unfocused, my mind stunned, while water soaked my hair, making it heavy, running down and off the tips of loose strands. It tickled the skin of my shoulders and the back of my neck, and droplets collected into little wavy streams, hurrying down, following the lines of my body. Monotonous, relaxing noise of the shower resonated within my mind, soothing it, slowing down the race of thoughts, and I closed my eyes, listening to it, and to the sensations the water gave me. Smiling. Surrendering to the warmth.

I'd say, I've effectively lost track of time by the moment I opened my eyes. That intensive, unexpected avalanche subsided, giving way to something more calm, comforting... Serene. I reached for the bottle of shower gel and threw my head back to generously pour the thick, sweet-scented liquid all over my chest and collarbones, and then placed my palms on top of them. Slowly, rubbing in circles, I moved both hands down to my breasts, then to my stomach and finally to my thighs, spreading the mild, soft gel over the places I could reach. Enjoying the effect, I returned my hands back onto the collarbones and neck to repeat the same path, now moving a little faster, sliding the open palms and turning the slick thin layer of gel into a weightless foam. I closed my eyes once again, trying to capture as much of those pleasant, purely tactile moments.

This was too good to be true. Simply, too good. I leaned back slowly, touching the wall behind with my shoulderblades and exposing more of my skin to the sprinkling water, rubbing my hands up and down, letting the shower wash the foam away. The feeling was... Mesmerising. And I lived it to the full, with my eyes closed softly and my hands coursing, sliding over my body. Every second felt so pleasant... That I thought I'd never be able to stop, not by my own will.

Somewhere in the back of my consciousness I knew that this whole situation was bound to spin out of control. And I totally, absolutely didn't mind.

* * *

Placing both hands onto my collarbones, I pressed a little more tightly this time and stretched my lips in a mischievous, anticipating smile, a smile no one could see, but a smile I personally wanted to have at the moment. The moment which was pleasant as it is already, yet both my mind and body adamantly demanded more, and not just a bit more, but not a single drop less than the maximum I could get. Slowly sliding my hands down to the breasts, I inhaled deeply and held my breath, waiting, foretasting, almost hearing how my blood rushed faster, sharpening my every sense. Preparing me for what I was about to experience.

Like a tickling, yet much sweeter, deeper and resonating, the sensation I waited for with bated breath flashed across my entire body, emanating from left and right and converging deeply in my core. My heart skipped a beat, I exhaled sharply through my nose and trapped my lower lip between my teeth as every muscle within me responded, tensing and becoming heavier. I spread the fingers of my left hand, trying to cover as much as I could, pressing them forcefully, as my right hand kept sliding lower to my stomach, accompanied by a rhythm of my heartbeat thumping ever stronger.

I couldn't help but let out a quiet muffled moan when my right hand finally found that perfect spot beneath, and, from that moment, it was a chain reaction that I never had a slightest chance to stop. With every little move, with every slightest touch, everything inside me felt more and more tense and heavy, pulsating, almost burning. And craving for more, dictating me to press my both hands tightly, to squeeze my eyes shut forcefully, to follow the pace of my racing heartbeat and surrender to the unstoppable waves running ever stronger across my entire body. Commanding me to tense every muscle, trapping the heat within, allowing these immense sensations to reach the peak, the highest point my body can possibly handle.

I arched my back forcefully, unable to contain the tension any longer once it reached its extreme and took control over my body in an instant, forcing my entire core to condense in a single point, for a brief, violent, intense moment followed by an unrestricted ecstatic groan; and then to shatter, collapse, releasing the merciless dense wave of heat that stormed through, leaving me breathless. Yet every fibre of my soul, every inch of my skin already anticipated another sensation, knowing it will undoubtedly appear in the wake of the heat. Glowingly bright, blissful, enveloping. Warm. Soothing. Silently, it appeared, and silently, it filled my entire body, from my heart to my very fingertips. And my entire mind. Relaxing. Delightful. And so brightly, brightly sweet...

Taking a deep breath, still erratic and shaky, I let my back slide slowly down the wall, listening to the melodic, calming noise of the shower that appeared once again, on the background of my thumping heartbeat. Pressing my shuddering, weakened hand against the matte glass, I slid the cabin door to the side and smiled happily, feeling the peaceful touch of fresh air on my skin. I turned carefully, stretched my legs forward and allowed myself to fully relax... And bask in the bright, serene sensation of warmth. Under the myriads of clear, sparkling droplets.

* * *

That was... Something indeed. Once I regained an ability to stand straight, more or less... Okay, okay, to stand with no more than one hand against the wall to keep the balance... I squeezed myself into the kitchen where I then grabbed a can of energy drink from the fridge and sat on the floor. Wearing a towel as a makeshift skirt. Phah, energy drinks... Necessary evil, I'd say.

Hm. Maybe I'm not that lost for that emotions stuff after all.

At least now I have a theory about supernovae.

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