Remain
15 Feb 2024Meowers
"Keep your dreams alive. Let them grow and shine. In dark times, let them be your guiding light. Nothing has the power to take them away from you. And your dreams have the power to get you through anything."
Recording transcription provided by Aegis Medical on behalf of AXDF.
Private access: Ina Muir (AXDF), Mion Nagata (HIP 29991 AX Militia).
Public access: Restricted.
Duamta 4, Aegis HQ Medical, ICU, 10-01-3310, 16:30.
Doctor in charge: Samuel Bowman, M.D., Aegis Medical.
Patient: Ina Muir, AXDF.
:: medical equipment noises, recording start signal ::
"...Wh...Where...What...So bright...Why am I..."
"Oh, finally... Don't force yourself to talk much right now, Ms. Muir. Keep it short and slow, or it will strain you even more. Blink twice if you hear me and recognise my words."
"Mhm. I see. That's fine. I'm doctor Samuel Bowman, Aegis Headquarters Medical. You were transported here by our rescue vessel..."
"...Hells...My assignment?..My platoon?.."
"Your soldiers did a great job, Ms. Muir. Every small bit of secret those maniacs tried to keep is now revealed, and our research and investigation departments are working on it now. Your personal log has been recovered as well. If I were an officer, I'd consider that a success. Wasn't by any means smooth though, as you may have guessed. The strike team arrived at a critical moment, and what they saw down there was not a good picture. Your platoon had barely any ammunition left to keep fighting, isolated and terribly outnumbered, a few minutes more and that would have been the end of it. Sixteen survivors, every one wounded to some degree, five of them quite badly, arrived unconscious. The soldiers told me what you did to give reinforcements a sign, Ms. Muir, they would not be here if not for your actions. Survivors are stabilised and recovering now, we are keeping AXDF updated about you and them. We also followed the notes you kept to recover the bodies of those who died in the early stages of the operation. No one left behind, I think that's what you say."
"...Cap...Captives?..What happened...Where are they?.."
"Rescued, we are currently trying to help them aboard our megaship. In some severe cases... At least as much as possible. The details are still mostly classified at the moment, but I got to know the basics and also I saw a group of them with my own eyes. Even the rescue teams, some people now need psychological assistance after what they witnessed in those facilities, it is hard to imagine what it was like for you, with Azimuth bandits all over the place. Every one of you is a hero in my books. Ms. Muir, please. Listen to me. I had to wake you up to... Let you know what's happening with you."
"...I'm...listening. I guess it's...Bad."
"We don't have much time left, Ms. Muir. I told you not to strain yourself because... This is really not looking so good. You were found more than a hundred metres from the epicentre, in the woods. We haven't tried to reconstruct what exactly happened there, everything had become clear once we recovered your logs. Maybe the control console shielded you and acted as a sail, of sorts, so you were thrown through a breach in the wall moments before the chain reaction destroyed the rest of the building entirely. We have found many pieces of that console scattered along the way to you. Your armour suit played its role too, it is beyond any repair now but it didn't break apart and didn't let anything to pierce your body dangerously deep. Perhaps, the vegetation helped as well, slowing you down so you didn't hit anything hard enough to kill you immediately. Maybe a pure wonder. But I bet it was every one of these factors combined. You survived, and that's all that matters now. If it could make you feel any better, thanks to all the wild biological adjustments he made to himself, it was easy to identify their leader even if we couldn't find anything bigger than a toenail."
"...To the point, doc, please...Am I done for?..I can't see shit, I can't feel shit...I'm like inside of a cloud now."
"Sure. Then... Here's the truth. Everything we are doing here turned out to be palliative. A half of your bones are fractured, broken or completely crushed, we are filtering your blood constantly to prevent embolism and tissue damage. And to remove any other things that really shouldn't be in your bloodstream, like cells of disintegrating organs and muscles. Your lungs work at barely a third of their capacity, so we have to aerate the blood too. Organ failure cascade forced us to take over all vital functions of your body five days ago, placing those tubes and machinery around you. Although... Nothing short of a miracle, your heart is still holding together. But our equipment is ready to support it too, if it detects any complications."
"...Ah...shit...godsdamned bloody fucks..."
"A perfect way to describe it, Ms. Muir."
"...Can't feel my limbs, are they...Damn, can't see shit...That dark blot in front of me...Is that you?.."
"Your armour suit kept them attached to your body. But it was the only good it could've done against such a blast. Your vertebral column is damaged or even broken in multiple places, including the lower cervical zone. Vision is impaired due to severe retinal detachment. In such a condition, your skin cannot regenerate, heal burns and cover wounds. Ms. Muir... Conventional medical treatment, even at our levels, cannot recover you. Your body is so damaged that it almost stopped functioning. Every hour, more and more of your cells die away, and we can only slow this process down and remove physical pain, giving you a couple more months at best."
"...Even the...damned...progenitor cells?.."
"Progenitor cells are too slow for your case, they take a few months to grow properly, to replace dead tissues, heal broken bones and form internal organs in case of damage so severe. You literally need almost every major organ. And you need them right now. Although you will remain paralysed, bound to a wheelchair, even if I magically conjure them inside your body. We ran the calculations already, tried some test patches here and there, even at cancer risk levels the cell treatment cannot compensate for the decline. The medication we are giving you is much likely to interfere and we cannot cancel it or lower the dosages, your life still depends on it. There is a way, though."
"...Pulling the plug?.."
"That is... An option. If you decide to go that way. I cannot stop you, if that is your will. There is another one, however. While you are still conscious, able to recognise words and make decisions. Please, listen to me, this might be a long explanation."
"...Whatever that is...I'd rather not...stay here, but a piece of meat on a bed."
"Had you ever considered having an artificial, cybernetic body? At the moment, it is the only option left to... Keep you alive. Your brain is intact, the concussion effect has already faded off, and you have enough undamaged spinal cord length at the very top. Even with severe damage to the body, the brain will last much longer than any other organ, especially if we focus on sustaining it, we are already providing it with everything it needs since your own organs cannot do so anymore."
"...Argh, shite...Hate those hulking tin cans...rubber fuckdolls...plastic rattles."
"Hmmm... I have an official message here that both Aegis and AXDF combined could provide you with quite an advanced one, speaking of technical matters. And I've been told to wake you up while it's not too late to make a decision, knowing how quickly you fade. Quality, abilities, enhancements, durability, place for further upgrades in case you may want them. Yet I cannot remember if any external, aesthetic modifications were listed, on top of standard appearance options and facial features copying. However, it is possible to modify the request and make it as human-like as you want. Almost indistinguishable visually from a biological body, in theory. Except biological processes unnecessary for a cy... a person with that kind of body. Might cost a lot though, but nothing stops you from upgrading to that... level later if you want."
"...Ah craps...Is there any way to stay...human?.."
"Depends. On how would you call yourself. How would you see yourself and who would you want to be. People with cybernetic prostheses are no less humans. People with implants of all sorts. And, it happened that way, you need an entire body to stay alive. But your mind, your conscious self, is going to stay the same."
"...Phah...A sentient walking tin can with PTSD...Could be a new joke...Fuck, my entire life is a joke...Anyway...I need to think...Do I have time?.."
"Unfortunately, it cannot fix or remove what is already in your memory, in your mind. But dealing with it might get easier. So, speaking of today, your available time frame is up to two hours. I shouldn't keep you awake for long. And, speaking generally... Maybe a week. Maybe even less. Before the point of no return."
* * *
:: medical equipment noises, 17 minutes ::
"...Hells...Doc, are you...inclining me?..Is there really no...other option?.."
"I'm showing you the way to save your life. Sadly, yes, the only one left. Because we've tried everything else already while you've been asleep. And keeping patients alive and recovering is my job which I've been doing for decades. Right now, I simply ask you to listen, to let me tell you everything I have to, before you decide."
"...Isn't it...about simple yes or no, really?.."
"I had to wake you up at this moment because those advanced customised frames take up to three weeks to be built and properly tested, this is not a mass production. And we may not have enough time to put the decision aside for later. You may not even remember this conversation clearly if I wake you up tomorrow, and your condition is only getting worse every day."
"...So...You woke me up...And I have to choose now...Like...Should I live a tin can life...in a world of misery...Or die quietly here?.."
"Ms. Muir, believe me. I don't want to lie to you. I know you are military, an officer, fighting on our side, so I didn't downplay anything about your current condition for the sake of soothing, for any imaginary relief. You heard it, your body stopped functioning by itself already, and you've been like that for many days now. And I'm not hiding anything about that option either. You should know everything as it is. Have a clear picture of the situation. So if you have any questions, I'm here to answer."
"...I'm neck-deep in the shit again, I understand..."
"I'm not talking of crude combat replacement limbs or cheap imitations with primitive software. Or something made of generic spare parts from a hardware store. Or criminal knock-offs with a remote control chip and a self-destruction failsafe. No, this one will be personalised, to be operated by your brain only, using your own neural... To say simply, configuration. Schematics. Like a biological body does, nothing in between, none of those decoders, modulators, connectors and other intermediary electronics that like to go haywire. Or serve as a hacking point."
"...That's not going to pass...even a simple visual inspection...I'll become a dirty secret of Aegis and AXDF...People...humans...are going to despise me, reject me...Why should I live...a life of an outcast, a hermit?.."
"As I said, making the body look completely human is an option. Real, available option. It will limit many technical abilities or make them impossible at all, but everything should be fine if you care more about the appearance. Yes, it won't pass medical checks, but why should you even undergo them? You will be in full control of your health and able to contact the manufacturer discreetly. Humanity has been synthesising skin for more than a thousand years already, biological, bionic, synthetic. Muscles and sinews as well. Nanomechanics for regenerative functions. And even if the progenitor cell treatment almost replaced everything about three centuries ago, that doesn't mean the technology is lost and the development is stopped. Niche, but not completely abandoned and forgotten."
"...There can't be that many people...allergic to progenitor cells...So, are you trying to say that...all those cyborgs...They simply want to look like that?..Rubber skin, metal bars, noisy motors...and blinking lights?..To live like that...Ejected from society?.."
"Cybernetics, including the artificial skin cover, is mostly being made crude, therefore easily noticeable due to economical reasons and odd ethics. Resembling the original body parts, but only as close as possible without making it exorbitantly costly and difficult to produce. Or, in truly horrible cases, because nobody cares about the recipients. That 'perfect body' ideal, with anything artificial seen as inferior, a blight even, and I have no idea why. But mostly for economical and practical reasons."
"...Mostly? Not because it can't be done better?.."
"Imagine an advanced synthesised skin. Not a candy wrapper. A multi-layer composite, with outer skin filled with sensory receptors, made detailed to the texture, single wrinkles and hair follicles, middle layer acting as sealing compound, and inner lining for adequate softness, elasticity and thermal control. It looks and feels like biological skin. It can even form contacts and cover cut lines seamlessly in case of separate limbs, not an entire body. But why should anyone bother with wrapping an artificial limb in that, if progenitor cells are simply way cheaper and easier to work with? And you don't have to search for a manufacturer of such a rare thing since every major clinic offers the cell treatment. Or, if a person doesn't care about the appearance, installing equipment you won't see in a human limb, then they don't need it either."
"...Sounds...not quite realistic, you know?..I haven't seen anyone...like that..."
"Maybe you couldn't notice the difference if you ever saw anyone, and that is the whole point. Even the skeleton is a copy of human one and muscles act and look similar to real tissues, not a hydraulic pump or a motor. You cannot increase them by doing exercises, but they also don't deteriorate over time when you are not physically active. According to the data manufacturer provided us with, there are several dozen people with those limbs or full bodies, who decided to go without any noticeable modifications. Interface access spots or special equipment, when retracted and not in use, look like natural thin scars. And they don't keep any personal data on their patients, just numbers. Privacy. Obviously, they need time to work with those forged metals, polymers, nano-tech, all that."
"...Metals...Hm...It may sound cool and hardcore, but a magnet...or an EMP blast...or a Thargoid field, what's...likely to happen to me...will ruin the day..."
"I may have knowledge on artificial skin and muscle grafting, as a doctor, but I am neither a metallurgist nor an engineer. There was something about non-magnetic alloys... Non-metallic conductors... Several stages of metal treatment... And they test it rigorously, of course. Serious work, costs more than most spaceships, in short."
"...Shite...So you're going to...throw a debt on me, on top of that...How many centuries I'd have to work?.."
"No, Ms. Muir. You've paid already. In your blood. Your life, almost. I saw your service record and read about your latest mission, the information that wasn't classified. Thanks to all your efforts combined, several thousands are still alive. Then, why shouldn't you? That chance has been given to you not without a reason. Even finding that factory was a difficulty of its own. Obviously, both AXDF and Aegis, and I guess even the entire humanity, will benefit more from bringing you back, rather than from having a couple more ships in the AX fleet. Ships are replaceable, people are not, especially people like you, Ms. Muir. I'm bad at big speeches, but you're an officer those people need. A warrior, a protector humanity needs. Believe it or not, you mean much more than just a person giving orders and shooting at things."
"...Mmmm...Dammit, you know what to say...Could you please let me...think a little more..."
"Of course. If, for some reason, you cannot see that as people helping you, or cannot accept it, think of it as... An investment. In military effort. Having you back with us would be a great morale and defence capability boost in the sector you are responsible for."
"...The more smart stuff you throw at me...the more I think you're...trying to sell it."
"No problem, Ms. Muir. You are free to think more, but please, remember that you cannot stay awake for long. That isn't my will but a limitation of your badly injured body."
* * *
:: medical equipment noises, 14 minutes ::
"...So, doc...Are they going to put my brain into a pickle jar...And then into an iron bucket...with glue?.."
"Technically. And skipping the jar and glue. And the bucket maybe. Once the body is built to the level enough to sustain the brain, mechanical transfer takes less than two hours, in a controlled liquid environment, CSF imitation. Once it is done, you are safe, waiting in sleep for the body to be built completely. Then a week of automated calibrations and initial adaptation, to make sure everything will function properly, responding to your natural brain signals, once you wake up. So you don't have to learn to walk again, to put it simply."
"...So it's...say 'yes' now, close your eyes and wake up a new person?..Pffft. Much likely I'm younger than you... But I already know nothing in the world works this way."
"I'm not trying to influence you, Ms. Muir, I have no financial involvement in that, my job is to keep you alive and let you recover. AXDF and Aegis are funding the entire project, I only did what I could, keeping them informed. It was their decision to make the offer. Sadly, this is the only recovery option left, and telling you about it before the said point of no return is also a part of my job. In detail, as I knew you may be reluctant. Aegis provided me with a lot of documents to read, presuming you'd most likely react this way. The final say is yours, nonetheless. And this conversation is being recorded to make sure no single word is missed."
"...Crap...I need to think...Argh, I'd really like to have a smoke right now...But not with...less than a half of my lungs left though..."
"Perhaps you're right. But we still have an hour or so. After this, I will have to put you into sleep again, for... a half of a standard day, maybe, but no less. I am sorry, but staying conscious and awake drains you too quickly."
"...Okay, but if...If they...This is my life, right?..If I find out you lied to me...Or if there are any dirty tricks...I'm not going to live as a godsdamned plastic fucktoy...You know what I will do. And it should be...a pure loss for you. And I don't even know if any of my relatives are...still alive, to play that classic extortion thing."
"I'd hate to say that, but I cannot stop you if that is what you want. The decision is yours. I cannot control you, I cannot force you, and I'm not drawing a perfect picture of all the benefits you may receive, since it will definitely sound like an attempt to sway you, from your perspective. I have been told to focus on the explanations I gave you, and answering any questions, because your reluctance is a natural reaction, it was expected and you are not to blame for expressing it. Your concern, or even fear if you feel it now, are not irrational. The whole point of giving you these details is to show you that your existing knowledge may not reflect reality, and again, you are not to blame, that information is hard to find. And one of the major reasons for it to be made hard to find is to protect privacy. Providing you with details and time to consider before receiving your final say is essential, the procedure is not as dangerous as it may sound, yet nevertheless complicated, uncommon and expensive. You've been given a chance to choose, and you should have enough information to make a choice wisely."
"...If all those people need me...no matter what I am...And they're even ready to spend a shitload...to keep me alive...Shit, that's complicated...And I, kind of, want to stay alive, but...Ah, that's deep..."
"You still have time to think, today. And a few days more. Receiving your personal, conscious confirmation is a requirement, otherwise they will refuse to do anything, if you decline or become incapable of making such a decision for example. That is why this conversation is being recorded. They need to hear what you say."
"...Aw dammit...Yeah, I'd like to roll those thoughts...a little longer.”
* * *
:: medical equipment noises, 24 minutes ::
"...Mr. Bowman...Doc...I'm done with my thinking...Could you please...send a message to my AXDF group?.."
"Sorry, I don't have the exact contact details of your current deployment position."
"...Okay...Then, AXDF carrier Atlas...They should forward it to the group..."
"Yes, this is possible. We have contacts both for Atlas and Hercules. You may start dictating your message."
"...My personal possessions, in my room...There's a VR gimmick toy headset...Bring it here. And Marshmallow..."
"Marshmallows? But, khm, sorry, what for?"
"...That's my ship...White Fer-de-Lance, ID...Alpha-XRay-Three-One-Three-Mike...Named Marshmallow...They have access codes, and an AXDF pilot could...bring her here. With that VR thingy...That'd be awesome...Download the character that I created there...made by the neural scanning, with all parameters I want...Otherwise it is almost a copy of myself...That'd be a reference, of sorts..."
"Ah, your ship... Sorry, Ms. Muir. An unusual name. And, did you say you have a full-body neural scan model? That's even better than modelling it from scratch. You've just saved them a big piece of work since they do not deal with any generic or idealised models, only personalised custom ones. Attempting to copy the original as close as possible and keep the symmetry if no data is provided. I cannot argue with that kind of ethics. Healing and reconstruction in severe cases, not replacing healthy limbs and organs because someone wanted it. Anyway, back to business. If your VR device is any of the standard consumer or medical grade models, then our techs should have no trouble extracting the data. Anything else?"
"...Make it...as human as possible...That damn super skin or whatever they do...Maybe even food processing...No visible ports, no opening panels, no screens, no other tech crap...None of that punky shit...Minimal electronics...None at all if possible...And tell me how to repair it..."
:: laboured breathing, 26 seconds ::
"...Contact George Douglas, my superior officer on Atlas...Heckloads of top-engineered ship stuff for FDLs...enough to build two more FDLs...in the storage. Sell it to cover the additional expenses...I don't need it anyway. And...I'm going to need a custom flight suit...You'll see why...Throw all that money at them and tell them...To do their best."
"Should be enough. And, only a basic flight suit? Maybe a combat one too, in addition? If you need a custom suit for some reason."
"...No, thank you, doc...Only that airtight underwear...And some basic civilian casual stuff for a start...One set to leave the hospital in it would be enough...I don't need more...I'll get going and provide myself with...everything I need from there...So that'll be all...Shit...Breathing is really hard..."
"Good. I won't argue. And do not worry please, I will send a message immediately. Your consent has been recorded. If you are ready to get back to sleeping, just say the word."
"...Yes, Mr. Bowman. Do it."
"Raising the dosages... Now. Sleep well, Ms. Muir. Your only order from now on is to stay alive for a little longer."
:: medical equipment noises, end of recording signal ::
* * *
Next part: Regain
Next part: Regain