Regain
18 Feb 2024Meowers
"Most of the time it's not the doing matters, but having a possibility to do. Having endless possibilities means freedom, and having freedom means you are in control of your own life. That your life is truly yours."
Recording transcription provided by Aegis Medical on behalf of AXDF.
Private access: Ina Muir (AXDF), Mion Nagata (HIP 29991 AX Militia).
Public access: Restricted.
Duamta 4, Aegis HQ Medical, In-Patient Care, 01-02-3310, 13:15.
Doctor in charge: Samuel Bowman, M.D., Aegis Medical.
Patient: Ina Muir, AXDF.
* * *
:: recording start signal ::
"Wake up, beauty!"
"...Wha... Ow. Ow. The heck... Where am I? Is that... A hospital? Ah, dammit, I ended up in the hospital again. That's so friggin' classic. But, doc, I'm feeling great. What's the story, what happened?"
"Ah. You are on Duamta 4, Aegis HQ Medical. It seems like your memory has not fully spinned up yet. Don't worry, it won't take long. Also, the right side of your head, just above the ear, may itch a little, you have a cable attached there. I will remove it in a few moments, and you'd better stay horizontal for a little while more. The first wake-up procedure should take about ten minutes, you may feel a bit cold now but everything will normalise soon. Here, listen to this, it might help you with restarting the memory quicker."
"Hm. I remember the godsdamned assignment. A planet, covered in jungle. That was some real hell. Azimuth mercs, human experimentation labs. I was hit in the leg too, quite hard. And that moment when I got trapped in the generator building with that madman. An explosion I set off. A flash. Then... Emptiness. And now I'm here, in the bed, wrapped in that gown, but I'm feeling mighty fine. Still can't get it."
"Your memory should be fully restored in half an hour or so, you have been out for too long. Listen to the recording, it is of our conversation three weeks ago. You may skip the empty stretches, there's only a noise of medical equipment that was placed around you. In the meantime, I'm going to disconnect that cable. Shouldn’t be uncomfortable."
:: previous recording playback ::
"Shit... Shit! That's sick, that's so friggin' sick, I'll be damned... Doc, did you really... Ah, bloody hells, what... What now? Holy shit..."
"You may stand up from the bed...s, you aren't going to need them anymore."
"Really? Ow... Wow. Wow! How's that... How's that possible? Ow..."
"Everything as you requested, according to your VR setup. Even if it is quite an uncommon sight, honestly, but who am I to judge. Two and a half metres exactly at the standard gravity, with your original body shape, lines and proportions. Might be a bit less at our one point three here, but, well, look at those legs of yours. I bet higher gravity is not your problem anymore."
"Oh, then this is real now... Wow... Just, wow. You can't even imagine how happy I felt playing that thing, being in that... Shape. As insane as it may sound... And the skin, doc. It feels so... Real. I look real. I feel real. Like, totally. I know it's no VR, and I felt real there, but here, now... Even more? How's that... Doc, Mr. Bowman, I need a mirror. Right now. That one on the wall should do fine... I'll... I'll be damned. How's that... Friggin' bloody unbelievable."
"Yes. You look mid-twenties now, because this was in the VR setup too, and you are going to stay like that... Forever. Or until you decide to change something. Anyway, the standard service interval is twenty five years and you are able to perform it on your own, without any external help. Everything is built to last."
"How long... That forever is, exactly? And what about my brain? Isn't it getting old over time?"
"As long as you manage to stay alive. Parts are exceptionally durable and you can replace them yourself if necessary, pain impulses are controllable and the skin will seal the cuts over a bit of time. Or you can contact the manufacturer for service and repairs. Yet something tells me that a person like you could perfectly do everything alone. You can also synthesise skin patches if you need them, make them of the right shape, put in places and the sealant will do the rest. The manufacturer provided you with your, to say, personal skin pattern, anything else won't work, it has to fit you and you only. Vital system sets are tripled. Everything is explained in the documentation, the memory module in that big bag over there, along with the other things you are going to need. I cannot read it due to the agreement, but it contains every bit of manufacturing and maintenance data. What I am telling you now is the tip of the iceberg, I have been instructed to give you some basic introductory points. And the technology itself is not a secret. Just ridiculously expensive, impractical to copy and not exactly widely known."
"Dammit... Trying to wrap my head around it. Right now. Actively trying. Hope the bed won't fall apart if I lean on it. Can't imagine how much I weigh at one point three... So, what about the brain? Looks like it's the only... Original part that's left of me."
"It is sealed in an environment controlled by the neural enhancement system, which performs monitoring and balancing of everything related to the health of your brain. The system releases chemicals and bio-agents your brain needs at the moment, produces and deploys new cells to replace older ones which are close to the Hayflick limit and could stop dividing soon. Unlike the progenitor cell treatment which you cannot perform on the brain, your device operates with copies of your own cells instead of raw material and it works constantly and way less aggressively, stabilising, not trying to refresh and replace. Thereby it is capable of sustaining your brain indefinitely. Your body dissolves everything you eat and drink, providing the system with necessary substances. It is a chemical, not a biological process, but the general principle is the same, your body gets what it needs and stores it to use later. No worries, core cerebral functions consume only a couple grammes a day in total and they always keep an emergency reserve worth about a month. The enhancement system is also capable of self-sustaining, indefinitely, using the same storage, six complete sets of components for cross-checks and backups and the regenerative nanomechanics your body now runs on. Also, with your new, khm, sizes, there was significantly more space for armour, shock absorbing layers and other means of protection. I think I should say my congratulations... You are technically immortal now."
"What the... Is all this even real?"
"You may see it working right now. With well-timed maintenance, attention to the diagnostics and using backup systems as a proper backup, not running on them for long, ageing is not your concern anymore. You have the schematics to produce everything that is replaceable, and if your cerebral core is even able to wear off, it may be a really distant future with better technologies available. Can you possibly outlive the entire humanity? If you find a way to do repairs on the core while your brain is deactivated, or without deactivating it, then it is much likely a 'yes'. These times, if you notice something you don't want to see in the diagnostics, or suspect damage you cannot repair, you can contact the manufacturer discreetly. As I said earlier, they don't store your personal data, only the numerical code which is included in the documentation. You aren't completely invulnerable, but a dozen times more tough than you were before. And stronger, about six, maybe seven times. Considering what you have been through already... This is certainly something."
"Holy craps... But, you know, I've just realised. All that immortal blah blah sounds really like Salvation kind of stuff. Or other self-centred maniacs I hope I'm not one of. Why didn't he... You may guess."
"He was, or is, too old. Even with the cutting edge technology, self-sustaining mechanisms are ineffective without a proper... Source material. I mentioned the Hayflick limit before. Telomeres, parts of the cell that store DNA information, are shortening with every division, and that limit marks the point at which the cells stop reproducing, having their reserves depleted. Therefore, if the original, to say, blueprint was taken from already old cells, that device cannot stop them from falling apart and losing the reproduction capability as soon as they are being introduced. And you cannot inject progenitor cells right into the brain, they will disrupt everything inside, leading to a fatal outcome. So, that is my theory, this might be the reason for him to seek other means. Or maybe he doesn't want to have a body at all, playing with Guardian energy sources to upload his twisted personality into them. Old man had gone completely out of his mind a long time ago and no advanced neural upgrade can fix that. Maybe they would even break apart right after coming in contact with his brain. You, on the other hand, are still within the ideal range at your thirty five. Everything is finally formed already, yet isn't ceasing to function."
"Thirty... Five?"
"Yes, Ms. Muir. What a way to celebrate your birthday, if you ask me. You turned thirty five two weeks ago, shortly after our first conversation, already sleeping and waiting for the body to be created. A good gift. Better late than never."
"Pfff... My life just can't be normal, phah. So... What kind of enhancement are you talking about? Is that... An implant, or what?"
"No, not an implanted chip or any other kind of computing, electronic device. It is of bionic nature, covering your brain, connected to it with thousands of neural, to say, wires, from every angle. It improves its functions, controls its condition and so on, everything I said before. Human brain cannot process that amount of information without external help and cannot work with the new functions specific to you. It is running in the limited, starter mode at the moment, otherwise you'd be overwhelmed instantly. Follow the instructions you have in the data package to unlock the full capabilities properly, later, on your own. As for now... Look around for example. How well do you see things?"
"Hm. Hmmmm!... I see... Really damn good. I've never complained about my vision, it has always been one of my best things, but now it's, like, really sharp. Damn sharp. I see little details, things I couldn't notice before, clearly. From here... I can even read those little texts on the door entry terminal. Like, what is it... Five, six metres?"
"Not even its maximum. Also, later, you will get adjustable low-light amplification to see in the dark much better, dimming for bright places, and rapid flash suppression. Light alone, without high temperatures, cannot damage your eyes anymore. You could switch to IR, UV or thermal instantly whenever you want, everything without any verbal input or buttons, done by a neural control you can learn from the manual. Hearing and other senses are made better and adjustable as well. Fully-activated mode will also improve your reaction time greatly, cutting it down to fractions of a millisecond. Your information exchange rate, including sensory, will be elevated accordingly to keep up with that pace. A regular brain cannot handle so much and do it that fast. Not a time dilation effect, but... You will see. Your brain will register, recognise and analyse things, form responses and activate reflexes faster. And movement coordination will become perfect. From dancing to aiming."
"Damn. That... That starts to sound cool, doc. Totally cool. Damn barely believable cool. And, what surprises me the most... I'm starting to like it. Instead of seeing it as the only option I had left. That's like... I look and feel real, but I'm packed with cool stuff."
"Not every possible kind of 'cool stuff' to speak frankly. You cannot access networks, send or receive signals, access or store digital data or run software, as you don't have any electronics, only nanomechanics, bionics and neural systems. Your natural memory and information processing has become significantly better and faster, yet they still rely on personal experience and knowledge. To put it simply, you could make an amazing scientist if you want to, yet masses of raw data are not what you excel at. On the other hand, you are immune to hacking and magnetics, way more resistant to harsh radiation and energy impulses than conventional electronic cyborgs or biological organisms. You cannot last forever in vacuum without external thermal control, no ejectable heatsinks or radiator panels, but you can at least breathe what you couldn't previously, considering it is not extremely aggressive chemically. Also, no built-in shields, no weapons, no technical equipment. No mobility and zero-g assists, only human arms and legs, even if they are much stronger. Your movements may be fast, but human kind of fast, not immediate. You cannot see microscopic objects or something small really far away since you don't have any optical or digital magnification, only enhanced focus, resolution and those spectrum switches. You even blink your eyes, normally, for almost the same purpose of keeping them clean. Installing any other cybernetics is nearly if not completely impossible, your body will reject it or burn it out instantly due to increased signal rate and power. You can only repair what you have or replace it with identical parts, and use non-invasive equipment such as suits and tools. You are now a little less susceptible to minor surface damage like small cuts, burns and scratches, yet you are not armoured, you still need protection for any sorts of combat or hazardous environments. Nanomechanics can restore its own capacities using the chemicals bank and repair the internal damage to some extent, over time, faster than biological healing does to humans, but you don't have any quickly-replaceable parts. In your case, repair and maintenance look more like surgery rather than a technical procedure. And, obviously, you cannot have kids. However... Such was your wish. You are as human as possible, with improvements invisible to an external observer and even basic scanning equipment like what you can see in starports. A quite big kind of human, if you ask me. You may inspect yourself to make sure."
"That's... A relief, actually. I don't need any of those damn fancy weird things, no matter how useful they may be, and I don't want to have kids anyway, at all. Being a big human suits me way better than being a damn robot with a laser gun in the arse."
"Yes. They said it was the first time someone needed a full body completely without any electronics and built-in additional equipment, and that tall. Existing upgrades are standard, chosen according to the requirements you've put, unrecognisable by an external observer, durable and repairable by the wearer without any external help. So it was an interesting experiment even for them. Not in the form of a complaint... Just totally uncommon. In general, your absence of special functions is being sufficiently compensated by your sheer power, endurance and regeneration abilities. And elevated resistance or even complete immunity to what can pose a real threat for others. If that is what you were aiming for, then you have more than enough of it now."
"Absolutely. Thank you. That's exactly what I wanted and needed. What I liked in myself... Old myself. And it seems like I have more of it now. Truly, thank you. And... Those who worked on this... Body machine. So... Did you say it regenerates? How, if that's essentially a machine? Don't I need to repair everything on my own?"
"Vital systems of your body are tripled for reliability, and they contain parts of your schematics they're responsible for, to put it simply. An equivalent of a blood vessel network is used to transfer the substances and those nanomechanical entities, using a thick water-based liquid, silvery in colour due to the said entities floating in it. No need to invent something new if nature already created it. You cannot regrow a limb or regenerate a significant structural damage, but everything else works in a human-like way, in general, it deals with minor to moderate damage and compensates for wear and tear in the long run. Even the skin, it seals itself, leaving scars, but you can produce patches of exact shapes later to get rid of them. However, you will need to eat a lot to replenish the reserves and keep the regeneration going in case of something serious. You don't have any quickly-refillable storages, removable cartridges and so on, only human-like food processing. There was also a recipe for a solution to inject, in order to keep the regeneration going in case your food processing is damaged, but that's an emergency measure."
"Yeah, I got it now. Eat stuff to have enough chemicals, replace broken parts if they are completely broken, and... What keeps it all running? What's about charging all this up, or whatever?"
"Cordless charging, a grey metallised rectangular plate in the same bag, you cannot miss it. Connect it to any standard power socket and put it under your mattress, literally. In order to work, the plate must face your chest, stomach or back. Twelve hours, and you are good to go for ten to fifteen days of normal living. Three, maybe four days of intensive physical activity. Don't worry about overcharging or anything, it won't go beyond the maximum, it cannot do so. Atoms, molecules, core laws of physics and chemistry. And you can keep the plate plugged in indefinitely, it won't work and consume power if you are too far, or facing the wrong direction, or the charge is full already. And it's harmless for other people. Should feel like a mild warmth when the device is active. You can produce more of them, it is a very simple piece of electronics. However, your body isn't, so it needs to respond to the energy pulses it emits, to convert them, you cannot 'replace the batteries'."
"Yeah. Okay, I got it. Plug that thing in, make it face my body, drop myself onto the bed and daydream until fully charged. Seems easy enough. But if it's wireless, then why did you need to stick that cable into my kettle? If I don't have any electronics inside, then why a cable and electricity? Sounds... Illogical."
"Standard activation, in case of any repairs on the neural enhancement, or for waking you up for the first time. Like I did, since you don't carry any other ports and interfaces. Also, improvised recharging if you don't have that plate nearby. That port is the only component that works with the electricity directly, thus not quite optimal, its effectiveness diminishes quickly at levels about a half of your main supply. You have a backup supply too, it should keep you at minimal activity for two to three weeks if there is no main energy left. If things are really bad, at least keep your eyes open, they can function as an old-style photon energy receiver, like those vintage panels."
"Hmmm... Yeah. I understand it. That's my food now. Other people should avoid starving to death, I should avoid running out of charge, and I can't get charge from food because I'm, well, not an organic being anymore. Keep the plate nearby, or use the cable if I'm somewhere outside for a long time. Though... Is there a way to check the exact levels?"
"Yes. Even without any electronics, you need power to sustain yourself, your body converts the pulses from that plate, in short, to keep everything running and circulating. Chemical elements, bionics, nanomechanics are still made of atoms with their charges. If you are preparing for a long trip, pack more batteries instead of packing more food. The levels... You should feel. Something between fatigue and hunger when they are getting lower than zero point seven or so. The less charge you have left the stronger that feeling gets, to let you know. And once you unlock the full-function mode, you will be able to see them with a good precision and access more self-diagnostics data, it should look like small coloured spots in your vision. Show and hide them and switch overlay modes using the neural control. Not a detailed text and numbers since there are no processors, as you may have guessed already. It is difficult to explain further, for me it is like controlling a body part I never had."
"Ow. I guess I should do it once I get back to my camp. The sooner the better. I see no reason in keeping it in the starter mode."
"That's right. The adaptation may take up to three days, you don't need any supervision, although it is better not to be distracted by anything else during that period. It may reset a big piece of progress if it detects something going incorrectly, but once it is done in a proper way, it is done forever. Like using your limbs naturally, again. Also the cable is yours to keep as well. Quite a simple thing too since it is charge-only, don't worry if you lose or damage it, it is replaceable. And don't worry about the port. It is hidden in your hair and looks like a thin scar normally. The cable connector slips into it, and then leaves the same little line after you remove it. That port doesn't accept any data, only the charge, through the failsafe of course, therefore it cannot be hacked in any possible way or used to harm you."
"Hair... Yeah, and what about the hair... It's, like, normal, natural to the touch. Is it my old hair or... Does it grow? And any other common human things like... Washing? Do I still need it? What should be... Changed in my daily routines? And I noticed... I speak, like... Normal. Using my breathing and tongue."
"You have your original vocal cords copied, thanks to the neural scan model. Your voice remained the same. Your body produces water-based liquids to replace original, biological saliva and... Another liquid substance you need to do human entertainment things. And you speak in the human way, it is a part of the aesthetics you wanted to have, with one downside: you still have to learn proper sounds and tongue movements if you want to speak other languages, accents, dialects. But you are a pretty quick learner now anyway."
"Cool. I don't sound like a tin can or a talking toilet. And... I've never had problems with tongue movements, simply said."
"You could even sing if you want. Sleeping or simply laying in bed with that charging plate is the only new daily thing specific to you now. Or sitting, in a pilot seat for example. Your hair grows... In every place it should, to put it correctly. Using the same chem-bank. And you control the rate, from full stop to regrowing your current length in about three months. A hair stylist won't notice any difference, it doesn't have any DNA information obviously, but its physical parameters are almost identical. Same goes for the fingernails and toenails. Food... You don't need the nutrition, only the chemical elements from it for any ongoing processes, yet cold food or drinks assist the cooling if needed, and hot can give you a little more charge. And you can feel the taste. Disposal... In a human way. Goes away along with any other substances your body doesn't need anymore. Wash whenever you want, you don't sweat. Your body maintains human-normal skin moisture level using water, but that process alone doesn't take much of it and nothing bad will happen to the skin if you stop it or you don't have any water to spend on it. Breathing... You don't need the oxygen, yet your inner temperature is mostly controlled by breathing, and you need breathing to speak, not necessarily air, any non-aggressive gas to run it through the vocal cords. The skin is able to dissipate some heat, but much slower. Operational range is quite wide, for possible hazardous environments. Should I say you are immune to diseases and poisoning? Extremely aggressive chemistry may still cause damage, but general poisons and toxins are just a bad smell. Learning those smells and tastes over time could give you an ability to detect substances and analyse atmospheres with a decent precision. Any microorganisms, if they make it inside somehow, will be removed in a few hours without leaving a trace and without causing anything, your systems maintain the sterility of everything inside you. However, alcohol and other... substances of recreational usage won't give you any effect."
"Phah... Expected that. Not a big loss though... My drunken-hazed years are long gone. And everything else sounds cool, like, I can't ask for more. I'm like, still looking totally human, but better."
"You can drink or smoke if you'd like to enjoy the taste, or for... Social interaction purposes. And about getting the load off in general, in case of negative emotions or thinking... You can control your thoughts better and retain more logical thinking, stopping them from falling into regression on an early stage. Should support your mental health. Medication won't give any effect, but the neural system controls the brain biochemistry constantly. You may benefit from therapy as well, your thought processes have remained essentially the same, if only faster, with more depth and better focus."
"I'll be damned. This does sound better and better. Those godsdamned nightmares were a torture, really, before I... Well, almost died. I even tried to use the same VR thingy to sleep normally."
"Technically, you don't need to sleep. However, a little nap once a day will undoubtedly help your memory to process things, as it naturally does in sleep, otherwise it may start losing some recently-gained information and impressions. Biological brain issues, even if it is enhanced. Speaking of mental health once again and its relation to your memory, you might have been experiencing fragmentation, flashbacks, short-term memory losses and other issues specific to your condition. This should be a lesser problem from now on. The upgrades cannot fix what's already impaired, cannot erase your existing traumatic memories, but you will be losing way less pieces of new memories and they won't appear so mixed up or chaotic later when you recall them."
"Hells... This is amazing. I'm so tired of this shit. Sometimes it feels like my own brain doesn't want me to live normally. Or to live at all."
"As I said, it cannot repair the damage, but dealing with it will get easier. You should see. So, two to three hours of sleep should refresh you well after a standard length day, with mental fatigue being the main factor that affects the duration. Nothing stops you from taking a lazy nap just for comfort if you want though. The enhancement system detects slowdowns, and, if you allow it, turns you to sleep as usual. You wake up in a human way, once everything is completed or due to any external sources strong enough, but since physical fatigue is not an issue anymore, you won't sleep through alarms or collapse because of exhaustion. Nightmares will be detected and suppressed, and you are going to see your ordinary dreams in general. Also, you can daydream and think of good things. Your cognitive processes, your conscious self, your interests and wishes, your values, your entire personality remained the same. You didn't lose human imagination, abstract thinking, appreciation of arts and technology. Speaking poetically, you are the same soul, but in a new and better vessel."
"Now that's really unbelievable. Dammit. I can't believe it. And can you believe it, Mr. Bowman? I have a cyber-enhanced hyper brain now and I can't believe. Phah. Love the irony. Sooo... You may expect this question to come... Where's the trick? I don't see any real downsides. Any of those dirty little fine print stinky slicky things. It has never been like that."
"Everything according to my earlier explanations. It is expensive and utterly impractical in almost every case, there are only a handful of companies that provide such kind of services, hard to find. But we are Aegis, we know way much more than your generic hospital does and we aren't constrained by authorities. And most people fear to end up, as you said, being a tin can in debt, such are social prejudices, and they have been like that for several centuries, they are deeply rooted. People treat severe wounds with progenitor cells. Or enhance their abilities with cybernetics attached to their original body if they are daring to do so. Nobody needs full bodies, it is too ineffective for those looking to increase certain sets of abilities, and an overkill in general. Except for rare cases like yours, complete failure of the original body with no chance to use the cell treatment. Most would've died before the body assembly, but not you. You are quite tenacious, I should say. Me and my team helped you stay alive, yet it is mostly your personal achievement. Also, speaking of expenses, your stored equipment covered everything and the remainder was paid as a bonus to people who worked on the body. They send you their gratitude and wish you the best."
"I've always said, I may be bad at living, but I'm good at surviving. Also, another question, maybe a strange one... What happened to my... Previous, original, biological body? Is it... Stored somewhere? Buried? Cremated?.. I'm not into religious rituals, though... But I'm simply curious."
"Atomised in a star. Ethics. Not a strange question, I was expecting this one as well. Why would anyone need a funeral for a person who is still alive? Or storing their body, irrecoverably damaged, nonviable, without a brain? So, they do this. Leaves no trace and... Keeps a certain amount of dignity. Your body was battered and broken beyond repair, but your mind, your conscious self survived, what's most important. Now we talk, I talk to the same person I saw surrounded by machines and tubes, fading quickly. Mind over matter, or what they say."
"Ow. That's... That's right, I guess."
"Three weeks ago you were literally on the verge of death and there was nothing I could do to change that, no matter how fervently people asked me to pull you back to light. Today, you are standing before me, in perfect health, stronger and smarter than ever before. Really tall and looking like nothing could stop you now. I am proud. Truly. And you are on an entire new level of... Being. Being yourself. And nobody should say you didn't deserve it after all the things you have done, things you have been through. Between us, Ms. Muir. I've been working in medicine for almost four decades, twenty seven years in intensive care. When Aegis wrote to me saying they wanted to see me as the head of the IC department in their main hospital, I answered without a doubt, I knew I'd be helping victims of that horrible war, the most difficult cases. Sometimes there's so much work that I forget what my home looks like. And I hoped you would make it, even if every single reading on those machines kept telling me you won't. But I hoped, doing my best with the resources I have here, and, in the intensive, sometimes the only thing that can finally tip the scales is hope."
"Hells... Thank you, Mr. Bowman. From my very heart. Or whatever I have now... Tripled nanomechanics-pushing stuff. I need to sit down and think of my next steps. I guess those chairs aren't for me anymore, phah, so floor it be... Or the same bed..."
"Sure, Ms. Muir. Take your time. And you can still call it a heart, it does the same. Or hearts, if you wish."
"...Aaaah dammit! Of course I'd forgotten something important. As I always do. My pilot seat. I'm... Not going to fit in it, no chance. I think I should call one of my pilots once again to get me outta here. Could you give me a communicator please? I guess my one wasn't as lucky as me with that generator explosion."
"No need to. A pilot has arrived already, yesterday, the same woman that brought your ship here, and I called her before waking you up. Should be here any moment now, in the hallway or on the reception. She can handle the piloting. Not from AXDF though, but the same officer, Mr. Douglas, assured me that she is to be trusted. There is also a set of basic clothes in the bag, like what you had in your room, but in your new size. She brought everything needed for a reference, to make you a set of custom-tailored casual things for a start, something that you would like, not just to wear once and then throw away. And your new flight suit is on the ship already. I think you should get rid of that patient gown finally before you meet her. You may even take it as a strange keepsake, I don't think it would fit any other person."
"Hm. A good idea, actually. Both of them. Yes, I'm weird. And who is she?"
"A black woman about your age, short dark hair, brown eyes, average height and body build, in a uniform too, but I couldn't recognise it... What was her name, an uncommon one..."
"Mion!? Ow ow ow. Doc, I need to go and meet her. Right now."
"Yes. Mion. Exactly. Submitting a signed official discharge order... Now. Good luck in that new life you've gotten. And don't forget the bag."
:: end of recording signal ::
Mion has been waiting for me already in the hallway. Without saying a word, she got up from the bench, ran to me and wrapped her arms around me so tightly that I swear I thought she's been doing double workouts every day I've been in that hospital. I felt her breath. I felt her heart beating. I felt her warmth. We stood like that, completely ignoring everything and everyone around, for many many long-awaited minutes. Precious minutes, spent in each other's embrace.
She didn't even slap my face for risking my life again. Maybe because I was that much taller. Or maybe it wasn't necessary anymore, she knew that no matter what kind of hell is on my way, I would beat it, get through it and return to her. Without making any loud promises, but doing, against all odds. Especially now, being stronger than ever. And I knew she would do exactly the same. Her eyes were wet from tears of happiness. I can't have tears anymore, but I think I'm now one step closer to understanding what happiness is.
Of course we still should face some deep existential talks about ageing, my technical immortality and maybe even the ultimate test of meeting her parents for the first time. And generally a lot of other things to discuss in private. Maybe we would start piling our savings to get her the similar thing, who knows. But not a single problem stands a chance when there are two against it, not against each other because of that problem. At least she had already seen that 'virtual preview' of my new, final form, and she was happy looking at the happy me. And this day was meant for both of us to feel happy.
Walking down the hospital hallway straight to the exit, paying no attention to people who stared at me, I also realised that... It is a chance that I couldn't even dream of having. I could get my life back, and even my younger years which I've been stripped of. I could start building up my own collection of good memories to finally push the sea of darkness aside. And I could do it in the best, damn really best way possible, in the form I liked, the form that is a coalescence of what I like and appreciate in myself. At any time. Even the turbulent days we're living in. And nothing, damn nothing is going to stop me from clawing my better life, the life I should've had, out of fate's grip.
Everything that couldn't kill me better start praying to whatever gods it prays to, because it's my turn now.
* * *
Next part: Reclaim
Next part: Reclaim