The Soul of Our Homeland, 10: Clearing Skies
23 Dec 2024Meowers
( 23.12.3310 / 08:45 GMT )
( Sol - EV Lacertae )
Hello. It's me again. It's been a while since I last recorded one of these... Had things to do. So, the Titan's dead, melted down and blown to pieces, Sol is officially Thargoid-free and even the Earth wasn't hit as badly as all those doomsayers may have thought. We won. Or did we?
We're still stationed in EV Lacertae, on standby mostly. Resting, regrouping, repairing our ships, counting our losses. Sometimes a wing or two does patrolling or transport escorting, in or out of Sol or around it, but no hostile contacts so far. I guess whoever asks just wants to see us nearby, to feel more safe or maybe just to look at us, I dunno. I've been told to maintain readiness and wait for further orders, no idea which kind of.
That big Titan firework... What can I say? I wasn't there to look at it. We pulled off once the first meltdown signatures have been registered and other units went to evacuate the captives during the next day until the whole thing went boom. Of course a lot of pilots wanted to see it with their own eyes, to celebrate the victory, to take pictures and simply to be there in that moment, so I threw together a sightseeing party, assigned the leader and waved my hand. I had other stuff to do. And wasn't exactly feeling festive. Yeah, we won, victory, hooray, all that, however...
Okay, that may get complicated, but I'm sure I'm not the only person who doesn't think so. We defended the Earth, we blasted eight Titans out of the sky and caused countless casualties among the Thargoids, but that so-called victory... It definitely doesn't feel so decisive. I haven't seen any Thargoids waving white flags. It has no signs of them capitulating. It has no signs of them learning the lesson. And it has no signs of us learning our lessons either. Moreover, hostile encounters are still occurring around the old places, the nebulae. Witchhead, Coalsack, Pleiades. Maybe it's a different group of Thargoids though.
We still know a little about them as a species. Surely, we know how to fight them, I'd say we're at our peak at the moment, but, how to prevent any new wars? No idea. They're simply too different. Too alien. We don't know how to communicate with them, we can't just tell them that a) there's enough room in the Galaxy for both of us, and b) if they open fire at us, we will shoot back and they aren't going to like it. And that sucks. Makes the whole idea of winning a war to prevent new wars a bit pointless. I'm sure they are aware of their casualties, but then I highly doubt they see them in the same way we, humans, do. It's unclear whether or not they have any individuality, not to mention the emotional component of loss. They may think of gathering a larger fleet right now as I record this.
Before all that Titan shit even started, before that nutjob Salvation pushed the button on his damn giant ego-stroking machine, we believed that we, AXDF, served as a safety measure. That, keeping the Thargoids locked in a perpetual cycle of border clashes, we could stop them from reaching our systems, giving organisations like the Aegis time to research, to come up with something, to stop that tragedy. And that didn't happen. Of course, we played our part in throwing them away, but we couldn't stop them.
That silence doesn't sound like victory. Or maybe it's my tiredness speaking. The week before the final fight, and the siege itself, were intense. Relentless. Unforgiving. That kind of fighting which makes you forget you're a human yourself. Steel, unblinking eyes, no rest, no stops, no contemplations, we were like one, loading ammunition and delivering it to our targets, flight after flight. Day after day. There were no days, only battles fought, battles won and battles awaiting us. We were no less machines than our ships. Machines ourselves and parts of a larger whole, priceless yet replaceable. And then, the signal, and here we are now, back on our carriers... Ready for a new order. Which we haven't yet received. And that silence feels deafening every now and then.
Damn, it's been a week already. A week. The same amount of time it took us to clear all those systems. To cover the ground and the sky above in alien bodies. But, this week... I walk, I look at ships, I look at rosters, I talk to people, I bring my unit back in order, and I wait for... What exactly?
No, that certainly doesn't sound like victory.
I'd say, most of the old crew celebrated the victories over the previous Titans more than this, presumably the last one. Back then, we knew: one more down, some more to go. And nowadays we just don't know a damn single thing. Yeah, we won, so what's next? Shall we go home? Or what?
Many of those who joined during the war are packing their stuff now. They wanted to get rid of the Titans and then go back to their previous lives, and, you know, I can't really judge them. They're awesome pilots and they did their job well, we couldn't have done it without them. And they have lives to return to. Friends. Jobs. Families, maybe. A week ago, there were toasts and songs in the mess halls, we remembered what we've been through and everyone who couldn't share that day with us, places we've seen and battles we've fought... Now it's those who think of next steps and those who talk of homes. And, well... I saw that divide appearing. And I haven't done anything at all.
Because I shouldn't.
Got some new recruits who want to stay though, and hells do their stories remind me of what's been driving people to join the AXDF before the war. The youngest are from Groombridge, that recent battle. Brother and sister, orphans, both eighteen, from the flattened wreck of an old Cobra straight to the infirmary and then to the training and their first flights... I've seen that type, couldn't say no to them. I'd rather train them properly than read about a couple kids ramming a Medusa on a frackin tin can, from some obituary. Damn those two have spilled more Thargoid blood in their lives than they have opened beers. Would be nice to fix that...
Or I'm just jealous, I should finally face it. I have that new restarted and upgraded life of indefinite duration and I still don't know what to do with it, other than risk it by pushing some angry aliens back. I still exist only when there are periods when I should forget about myself. Maybe I'm not such a fast learner after all. Or simply too hopeless already.
Should visit the old Earth while I'm here, who knows when the next convenient moment might appear, I've never been down there before. Land somewhere in southern Europe, take some standard tourist routes, see stuff. Visit the Balkans, the place my old ancestors came from, maybe there are people still living outside the official areas where everything is the same. Walk amongst the old ruins, looking at the weathered stones, imagining what life might've been like centuries ago, or even earlier. Listening to the unspoken stories that the ruins may tell me, in their quiet whispers. Stay for a night in some place nobody knows about. Gaze at the stars, not as a spaceship pilot, but as we, humans, did for millennia before. Take some photos, some memories with me. All that.
Depending on what my next orders may be, I may as well get a longer vacation and head to the old '91. Mion's there, busy rebuilding the town. They refitted most of their combat ships into makeshift transports and are restarting their settlement. I guess that's as close to home as I can think of, and if that's true, I myself should be there as well, to help those people. And Mion. Haven't seen each other for a heck of a long time...
Frankly, I'm torn. I belong here, to the AXDF. I see people leaving for their homes, and I have mine, sort of... But I can't. My place is here.
There's a new tune on the networks that keeps playing on repeat in my head and I guess, compared to any others... It captures the mood of the moment just right. We won, but at what cost. We won, but we are so tired. We won today, but nobody knows what tomorrow might bring. Not the victory that drives you to cheer and dance. But the one that makes you want to sit down, grab a drink and take a deep breath. It's been a long road back from hell...
Okay, getting too sentimental. Have to sign off.
Staying vigilant...
* * *
<<< #9: Will and Wrath
<<< #9: Will and Wrath
So this episode brings the Homeland arc to its conclusion and I wish to say thank you to everyone who ever read any part of it. People reading my stories have always been the main driving force for me to write more. Though, even if I wanted to create a somewhat longer interval before publishing the last part, it took me longer than was expected, phah. Okay, that happens with me all the time, who am I kidding.
The Thargoid invasion has been repelled, the Titans have been defeated, but heavy uncertainty still looms over the AX forces and other people concerned. The story itself was a report of the in-game events, not a pre-written and therefore entirely fictional text, and I have no idea about what might happen next, neither as the character nor as the author. It might be a material for a new arc, and it might not be. Who knows what the future has in store for us.
The song mentioned in the ending was created by the amazingly talented Haraldsen and I couldn't help but include a few lines about it since it fits great and I want more of you folks to hear it. It captures the mood perfectly, the thoughts of someone who's been through all of it, tired, lucky to be alive.
And... That's all, I guess. Thank you. :3
