I guess there are no wrong time to start writing. Maybe.
29 Nov 2021Vladimir Istomin
Well, I've known about this logbook feature in my datapad for a while, but to be honest, I've never thought about anything to say. Life felt so fleeting and unimportant in a big picture, so that another whiny memories of unlucky ex-military brat will just turn reader into anxiety.Damn, even when I lost half of my face in 3304 I didn't feel any need to share that with a piece of electronics or anybody who might read that. I've got so used to violence happening around me since patrol duty that I merely perceived it as something worth mentioning - that was just everywhere, common. Not in any way good or enjoyable for a mere second. Just common.
But here comes the moment when everything changes. When violence is committed to a family member. I was keeping it in me for a quarter of a year already.
I have to say that:
I wish I was at Procyon when they threw my father away from the hospital in a terminal stage. If not to prevent, then at least to try to understand why.
I'm still speechless about reasons why did they do that to an elderly man with a deadly disease - what they've done was basically a dead sentence. But I won't speak about what I've found out in open.
I'd just say that person that follows such command has no heart or empathy. Raider ambushing ships bringing supplies to a thagroid-infested Pleiades is better than he.
I won't hide behind pretty words about safety of the others, danger of keeping such person in medical staff, no. I won't justify my wish for revenge instead of serving justice.
People say that writing things down, spilling your soul might help to get rid of such feelings. That never helped while attending to vet therapy groups at a Recovery Center, but well, after a while I've realised that I hold no real unreleased anger there, Just frustration. I never needed to share feelings the therapist tried to squeeze out of me.
I can't blame the guy who blasted half of my face instead of trying to make a difference in fight with first thagro waves. Guy went into the jungles to hunt, our vessels were his prey. That's understandable. He went far away from home, he never tried to turn other's people homes and backyards into his hunting area.
I'm angry only when I don't understand. That's now. So let's try that again, in a bigger scale. Let the world to see it, maybe that will hold my conscience from making stupid decisions that harm others. I'm not in the wild anymore.
I want revenge, but in your name, my father, I won't go for it. I've hurt you enough for my life by leaving home to serve among the stars, you was against violence, even for a cause. And back then I didn't even had a good cause~
I won't hurt you more by declaring vendetta to avenge a person that won't benefit from it, destroying peace and tranquility on the way.
That happens. Sometimes predators are amongst sheep. But that's not for me to declare what to do with them. I'm not in the jungle anymore.
I'll hold for you. And try to make our family a good name.
Rest In Peace,
Alexander Istomin
26th Dec 3242 - 29th Jul 3307
I'll remember you.